Told husband to invite inlaws to Christmas (uNPD MIL)

[Breakthrough]

Well, I told my husband to ask his family over for Christmas.  Only his parents will probably come, his brothers have other priorities.  I am starting to think about how that might be a bit stressful, but honestly, I will be working almost the entire time and just off Christmas Day and Boxing Day.  I feel like it's nice for the kids to spend time with grandparents, and despite how difficult I find MIL, she is adored by my kids (they are too young to feel the affects of her controlling and manipulative nature, and we really limit time so she can't get her hooks into them).  We haven't seen them since a family wedding at Spring Break.  I know my husband would like to see them, it's definitely not my ideal, but I mostly get by with Grey rocking and medium chill.  I really don't enjoy being around her because I think she has an ulterior motive for everything.  Posting because something she does really annoys me.  She leaves something every time she visits, once it was an old washcloth she brought to use, once it was a book, it drives me crazy because I am already fighting my way out of clutter, I don't need someone else's stuff in my house.  She also buys a ton of dollar store crap for my kids that I end up having to throw out after it clutters up my house for ages.  I have asked my husband to tell her to refrain, she does not.  She also buys weird, cheap presents for them, mostly dollar store.  I would prefer nothing to the junk I have to throw out.  I know that sounds ungrateful, but I prefer items that last, and do not want to contribute to creating more garbage.  She is a buy, buy buy person, the cheaper, the better.  I like quality stuff that lasts.  She seems to get herself nice stuff, but the garbage stuff she buys us, ugh.  Advice on how to manage?  Just suck it up and throw it out?  Or tell hubby to deal with it?  I don't want to make a big deal out if it but I am slowly digging myself out of a cluttered house and thinking about her bring in more gives me anxiety....  sometimes I think she does it on purpose.

[SerenityCat]

I don't think that you sound ungrateful at all. You have the right to decide what stays in your house and what leaves. You are working on dealing with clutter and don't want to have more brought into the house - this makes perfect sense to me.

I'd throw unwanted things away. Calmly and as part of the normal de-cluttering process. Right away after she leaves because the items would bother me otherwise.

You don't want the stuff, she won't stop, so at this point it is like junk mail.

Maybe eventually you and your husband can declare a universal "we are downsizing, don't give us anything, gift cards/money/experiences accepted only". If If she brings unwanted things anyway you can have a box in the kitchen or by the door where they can be placed, for future removal.

Any ideas on what would happen if you said "No thank you." and then did not physically accept the unwanted item?

Maybe a sign on the front door that reads "We are getting rid of stuff. Don't give us anything". 

I empathize with what you are going through and I would definitely need to throw unwanted things away.

[SheKnowsBest]

My uPDmil was classic for bringing mounds of newspapers, books on parenting, thrift store clothing that was too small/big, and food that the girls weren't allowed to consume except as rare treats. It became the running joke that as soon as she drove away, we would grab the rubbish bin and toss it all. She must have caught on, because she started looking for the items she brought the time before. We finally had to explain that we were actively focusing on experiences and needed items only for the girls. It was hit or miss after that, except for the newspapers, books, and food. And don't forget the multiple pairs of reading glasses and other random items. That remained until the day we stopped inviting her into our home. I think she liked leaving a mess behind for me to clean. She always commented on how clean or neat and tidy our home was and lamented that she wished she herself were a better house keeper. Yet, she wouldn't sleep inside the covers of our guest bed and would bring her own blankets to lay on top. And always leave one or two behind. It was really weird. We never did get the behavior to stop. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor!

[Pepin]

I like what SerenityCat had to say about dealing with it like a decluttering process.  I relish being able to throw anything into the trash that has come our way via PDmil and I treat is as a cleansing ritual when I wheel the trash cans to the curb -- taking out the emotional and physical trash.

And as SheKnowsBest points out,

I think she liked leaving a mess behind for me to clean.

Yes, this is their way of interfering with our order.  My PDmil is the same way, always bringing something over that wasn't asked for or she sends us home from her place with stuff we don't need.  It is difficult to be polite when I am seething inside, but I do it usually.  Though lately the word NO has rolled off my tongue easily when offered crap from her to take home.  DH often goes and visits her by himself now and she sends him home with a grocery bag of stuff...I actually have some purging of that to do.  DH doesn't care whether or not we use what she gives us.  He thinks she is just trying to be relevant in our life...and actually, it is sad that that is what she has to do.  She doesn't know how to just "be" and makes a mess by trying to come up with ways to fit in when really she has struggled to move on with her life as an empty nester and widow.  But, that's her journey...