How did my child get a PD (new study possible answer)

[BigBird]

Parents,
This might help someone out there as it did me.
I'm placing the web address to a medical article about Personality Disorders and Stress in pregnancy.

  https://www.bbc.com/news/health-49593620

When you read articles on NPD you may find yourself saying: "I had no idea we were such terrible parents"
WHY?
Because there are a lot of articles and speeches that let us know that the biggest cause of NPD is due to abusive parenting.  Very seldom do you hear that "yes, some people are born with NPD".  So as parents, you start wondering if it was your fault your child developed this personality disorder.

I've done enough research and without trying to sound cocky or humble, pick whichever applies, I know neither my wife or myself fit the profile of the problem parent to the extreme that is necessary to cause one of your children to develop a PD.  That with the added observation we've both had with our NPDd compared with our 3 other children, I have to say from her beginnings she has had very different behavior patterns that go along with typical symptoms of those who grow up and develop a PD. 

When I came across this article last week it was an eye opener for me as my wife certainly has had some very stressful pregnancies.  Our first child came unexpectedly about 2 months premature with no warning.  Miraculously our doctor made some observations at the delivery that ended with his following up and researching past medical records that shows my wife is what is described as a DES exposed baby.  I won't bother describing what that all is but in a nutshell it caused a birth defect to my wife that makes her ability to have a baby go full term nearly impossible unless great measures are taken to prevent miscarriage.  We are one of the lucky, blessed ones that were able to have 3 more after our first.  It required strict instructions which were totally flat on your bed with only visits to toilet and a weekly 2 minute shower.  That with the help of a specific drug we might be lucky enough to have more children.
My wife has always been the most optimistic person I've ever known but regardless of that you can't be pregnant with those restrictions without having stress.  So when this article appeared it gave me more insight
as to possible reasons why our D has NPD. 
I'm not ignoring the fact that reportedly most people apparently get these personality disorders due to an abusive upbringing.  But we can't discount the percentage of those who are born with this disorder. 

So for what it's worth, I hope this article is helpful to you.
Thanks
BB

[momnthefog]

I have a mix of adopted and biological.  All my adopted spent atleast 2 years in an orphanage.  Of the 3 adopted....only one has a family intact with parents still married and younger siblings.  In the case of the other 3 there was some sort of major dysfunction in the FOO.....early unwanted pregnancy, mental illness, neglect and abuse.  Of those three one is ASPD, another BPD, and the third ODD with leanings towards NPD/ASPD.
The fourth has no issues other than dealing with older siblings who are PDs.

Bio kids have no issues.

I'm a big believer in heavy impact of genetics due to my personal experience.

momnthefog

[momnthefog]

I'm also a big believer in the impact of attachment or difficulties in attachment real or perceived.  When I write "real" I mean foster care, orphanage, or something similar....when I write "perceived" I'm referring to the "perception of the child." 

When I give all 7 of my children a bowl of vanilla ice cream, each child perceives that bowl of vanilla ice cream differently.

For the child who hates ice cream and would rather a nice warm gooey brownie...it's inadequate.

For the child who hates vanilla and would rather chocolate....its inadequate.

For the child who hates sweets and would rather a dill pickle....it's inadequate.

Happy is the child who doesn't like vanilla ice cream but can still be gracious and grateful...politely say thanks but no thanks (understand their own likes and dislikes) and not be offended by the giver.

I find that my BPDd is chronically offended....by me, her siblings, her coworkers, her boss, her SO.  And COMPLETELY lacks the ability to see how she has wounded others.

momnthefog

[Latchkey]

Hi BigBird,
I'm not quite sure that this article is something that can help or more confuse parents here. I'm not a phD or MD but I personally don't think studying a pregnancy then following up 30 years later and not taking into account a million other factors including genetics or upbringing or environment or trauma is really a way  a good way to show a cause. It is also in my opinion a mother blaming type of article like ones that used to blame mothers for autism.

I think sometimes news outlets pick up the most sensational of articles and then publish a digest version. There was no link provided to the actual study  but i did find it and it is unclear how well the mental health of the mother was evaluated. At the time of the initial start of the study, over 40 years ago, PDs were not as likely to be diagnosed and the same studies produced evidence that all psychiatric mood disorders increased, not just PDs with severe stress.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/acps.12996

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/role-of-prenatal-stress-as-a-pathway-to-personality-disorder-longitudinal-birth-cohort-study/6F9B49AA8704D8F31817960DCCB5FCFD

I think there is strong genetic and environmental factors in PD development. I think basically it is a mix of things and just to say, pregnancy stress can cause a PD is one that could cause more stress for a pregnant mom.

I do think getting away from blaming the Non parents is the best way to go especially as in your case when your children are adults and any memory of a pregnancy is mostly hazy. I also think reducing stress in pregnancy is a great idea. What concerns me is that this article may be misleading and confusing as the cause of PDs is not known.

Latchkey

[theonetoblame]

As much as I see value in looking for scientific evidence of why a parent is free of any responsibility in the development of a child's personality, I also recognize the strength and personal growth required to also examine our own responsibilities.

True self examination from a place of humility and honesty can only strengthen a parent's ability to empathize with and understand the perspective of their adult child.

Bigbird, with all due respect, based on your own medical history it is possible you contributed in some ways to the current challenges faced with your daughter. I respect that it may be difficult to examine, but encourage you to consider the possibility of some shared responsibility for the interactions you are having with her. This is not about saying in any way that it is 'all your fault' or any other black and white type of statement, simply to acknowledge that a relationship involves two people and you have historically been the one in a position of power in this particular dyad.

Respectfully,
TOTB

[Starboard Song]

This is a very sensitive topic in a forum full of them.

Agreed upon facts are that nature and nurture are both important to all of us. Big Bird has pointed out that some parents are tormented by a fear that it is all their fault. TOTB correctly observes that it is just as true that parents are always a part of their child's environment, whether or not they are the cause of a PD.

I appreciate both perspectives. Let's be extremely careful as we continue this discussion: we need not and cannot resolve this question for any particular member. Attempting to would likely trip our guidelines.

Starboard

[LemonLime]

Momnthefog,
Gosh I can so relate to your comment about your daughter chronically being offended.   That just hits the nail on the head.  My PD sibling has always been offended ALL THE TIME.  By everyone.  It's so darn frustrating to have someone like that in the family.   It's exactly why we walk on eggshells.  It really sucks.