Narc sisters said that I have been changing

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Roza

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Narc sisters said that I have been changing
« on: October 13, 2019, 07:42:11 PM »
I have been changing,  narc mom died, I closed out the estate, and now I have been living my life. Omg I have been enjoying life, but my narc sisters said that I will end up like our narc mother. I was trying to figure out what they meant. I am nothing like our mother. I have been a people pleaser since I learned to speak English.  I have been the SG all my life, so since I closed out the estate and they can't go to mom for money they don't need me. I was used up until the money was issued.  Now they said that I need professional help, I started thinking maybe I am the problem, so I went to get help. Omg, its jot me, they don't want me to change,  bcz then the dynamic changes they want things to stay the same. I deserve to be happy and I  need to help myself. I have been abused for most of my life,  I want to move on if that means without my sisters than I am ok with it. It hurts but I  have to save myself. They use my adult daughter against me and now I have to be careful what I say, bcz everything will be used against me.  Sorry just venting. Thanks.

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nanotech

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Re: Narc sisters said that I have been changing
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2019, 09:59:00 PM »
Donít let them try to invalidate you like that.
They are trying to devalue and discard you. The pain of this is sharp and it cuts like a knife, but it lessens with time.
 I donít feel anything any more. Just a bit sorry for them- they are stuck in the madness. Thatís another thing, we canít make them see the light unless they take steps to change.
Come out and find a new tribe. Iíve found new friends through hobbies and suchlike.
Iím lucky that I donít live in the same town at them.
Is your adult daughter on side and aware?
Mine is, but they still try and use her sometimes.
Itís awful behaviour.
I try to think of them now, as just some people I used to know. ( :thumbup: nod to guitarman for this strategy!)
Rather than Ďcloseí family.
It was a cult, and guess what Iím out.
« Last Edit: October 13, 2019, 10:01:38 PM by nanotech »

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Blueberry Pancakes

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Re: Narc sisters said that I have been changing
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2019, 03:43:37 PM »
When you are the scapegoat and your family says you are changing, I think it can be a very good sign. You have perhaps changed into someone they can no longer manipulate. You are doing things you have never done before, like standing up for yourself. Maybe you are no longer allowing the things you used to. Once we have awareness, I think most of us do indeed change. We look for ways to be happier and healthier. It will likely be ongoing too. Your family may not recognize you. You are not the one that just always went along with everything anymore. It is alright.  You may not ever get their approval to be the "new you". You do not need anyone's approval to follow your own happiness.   

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Healing Finally

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Re: Narc sisters said that I have been changing
« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2019, 12:28:32 AM »
When you are the scapegoat and your family says you are changing, I think it can be a very good sign. You have perhaps changed into someone they can no longer manipulate. You are doing things you have never done before, like standing up for yourself. Maybe you are no longer allowing the things you used to. Once we have awareness, I think most of us do indeed change. We look for ways to be happier and healthier. It will likely be ongoing too. Your family may not recognize you. You are not the one that just always went along with everything anymore. It is alright.  You may not ever get their approval to be the "new you". You do not need anyone's approval to follow your own happiness.
:yeahthat:
:hug:
Keep walking, though there's no place to get to.  Don't try to see through the distances.  That's not for human beings.
Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move.Ē
~ Jalaluddin Rumi

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Roza

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Re: Narc sisters said that I have been changing
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2019, 10:46:58 PM »
I have been getting better, I have been posting on a few forums, now I just noticed my narc sister saw a post and she was using her son's account  to get back at me. Telling me that I have to speak to my sisters about the problems. Why would I have to do that? They are the ones that threw me under the bus and I have been going to therapy for what they started.  I am trying to get past the ruminating,  why go back for more triggers? If I don't see them again I will be fine. I have taken the info fro. The forums and I am trying it out. Thank you for your kind words.