I'm in therapy, so I'm the mad one...

[sarandro]

Hi All...
I am in therapy because the people in my life won't accept that they are the ones who need therapy!

I am the one who is mad, bringing up the past...why can't I let things go, they wonder?

I am the one who is working towards emotional well being and I am criticised for it!

I am the one who speaks the truth, when all they want is to forget about why they lied.

Thank you for giving me a place to say these things, it really helpsXXX

[newlife33]

I know exactly what you mean and have been there.  It's such a grating emotional feeling.  Deep down I know I was doing the best thing for myself....yet it was met with criticism and disdain. 

Please keep venting and growing and breaking the cycle, we got your back

[sarandro]

Thanks..newlife33

I am back here again...thought over the last few months NC that I wouldn't need to come back.

Wow...I was mistaken, I think I need this forum more than ever today!!

Validation and understanding without being judged is a powerful thing, for which I am eternally gratefulXX

[moglow]

I'll "judge" by way of a bit of devil's advocate for you. Why is it *any* of their business why or what you do?? Is there any reason to believe your words, sharing your heart, will bear fruit? No? And yet I'm sure you try. Been there myself so I get it.

With mine, any sharing of struggles, problems, therapy etc was used as weapons against me. Mother consistently collected ammunition for future attacks, until I shut down that info flow. I tried - Lord knows I tried! - to explain in any number of ways over the years why we were where we were, all to no avail. Mother cherrypicked the parts that served her i.e. made me look bad /deficient/"mental", and she ran with them.

What they think or say is FAR less important than how you feel. Remember that. Just some food for thought, Sarandro.

[sarandro]

Hi Moglow...I'm afraid you are right about that.

Sharing any vulnerability with those people leaves me wide open to them using my words to attack me and justify their own behaviours.

Banging my head against a brick wall, so to speak!...No more.

Today, with the help I have got from here, I am able to see things a bit more clearly, no amount of explanations on my side will make any difference whatever to the way I am treated.

I really feel that deep down, I AM respecting my Mum...our interactions cause her pain, cause me pain, so why continue to cause each other pain??
I am better off without her and her attitudes towards me.
She (I think) is secretly relieved that she will never have to look seriously into her behaviours, my other two siblings would never dream of challenging her in any way.
She is probably be very cross that I have gone NC, but does not have the skills to deal with anything but shallow conversation and platitudes.

I also feel that having made the NC decision after many years of soul searching, that I cannot go back to them...they do not want to know me..the me now, I mean.Yes, my life, what I do and say, IS none of their business.

In the words of Tom Petty...'No I won't back down'

I might be mad...have been made mad, but I am a kind person who wishes no harm to anyone...now, especially myselfXX

[moglow]

I get you. My last interaction with mother, she kept referring me to a sad little girl. Didn't like it at all when I countered with the fact that she might notice I've not been a little girl for quite some time, but I have been sad a great many times for decades over this "relationship" with her. I wasn't supposed to do that, you know. She talked about me getting mad in future and then I can just go to the cemetery and kick her headstone. WTF? Like I've ever kicked her, metaphorically speaking or otherwise. She honestly has it in her head that the whole world walks around mad and/or negative 24/7 like she does.

On that whole respect thing - YES. There seems to be little to no connection that respect works both ways and comes in many forms. I get the feeling that mine's frankly relieved that I've backed off and keep on backing, that way she can pretend that someone is the bad guy rather than a simple admission that we've never had much of a relationship. Now there's no pretense of any relationship other than as it benefits or builds her martyrdom in public.

Sigh. I'm sorry they're so much alike.

[sarandro]

Hi Moglow, what you said here....
''I get the feeling that mine's frankly relieved that I've backed off and keep on backing, that way she can pretend that someone is the bad guy rather than a simple admission that we've never had much of a relationship. ''

That is spot on!!!!
If only Mother could have the insight into her own emotions to realise that she hates the relationship as much as me.
This way of thinking gets them off the hook, doesn't, without taking the blame?

I have always been the 'bad guy' and don't really care if she wants to pretend it is all my fault.
I have no more FUX's to give!

[Sassy]

If my narcissistic mother doesn't suggest it it's wrong.  She has been bugging me to go to therapy for years to help with my issues so I will be a submissive daughter,  the funny thing is I've been going to therapy for years and years to help with my issues and finding out how much she's trying to control my life.  My mother has also been the one to tell me we need to work on our relationship when She's the one who is bullying me threatening me to take me kids away and send my husband and I to jail I could go on and on.
Therapy is something that some people will never understand.  It helps me. 

[11JB68]

Ha. Before I came Out of the FOG, when I thought my marriage could be fixed, I told uocpdh that we needed to go to therapy together. He responded: you go, find out what's wrong, come home and tell me, them we'll fix it ourselves.
We, I'm sure meant him, since he's a self proclaimed expert on everything.
Also further proof that he believes he is too good for everything, everything is just too much effort for him, 11JB will just do it...