Am I just a little bit unreasonable maybe?

[p123]

MIL has been in our house this week. She often visits for 2-3 days at the time. Shes OK to be honest 95% of the time.
She helps out with childcare when shes here but it works for her since she lives alone so gets to see her grandkids...

Bit different to Dad! I dont mind because generally shes ok.

Trouble is shes got a terrible habit of listening to my wifes older sister. She  seems to have an "issue" with nanna looking after our kids when she never looked after hers.

So, this weekend I'm working and wife is away so we asked MIL if she could have our daughter for a little bit extra. Its a LOT of money in overtime at stake. Shes been awful since then. Pretty much telling us how hard shes been working with childcare, then throwing her weight around (in my house!) telling me I have to do this and that.

Its obvious she begrudges this "extra" (even though we're [pretty sure wife sister has fueled this one - not that thats an excuse shes got her own mind).

I dunno why but sometimes I just ignore her to be honest. This time she REALLY made me mad. I just think "Look if you don;t want to help just say so".

I dunno if its because Dad winds me up and I'm just on edge or whether I just need to chill a little and let things go a bit????

Can't both be narcs surely? ;-)

[Free2Bme]

P123...
Yikes. That is a touchy situation.  Not entirely sure how this would fly with your particular situation, but maybe at the end of her 'grandma' time you could thank her and politely say "...hey, maybe it's just me, but you seemed a little stressed, is something wrong?" 

Give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she is catching heat from SIL or her H,  and it's just coming out this way (not that her behavior is right).  This way you are expressing concern at the outset, and letting her know that it's noticeable.  Afterwards, if you get the sense that she really is not into that much 'grandma' time, then either shorten the duration or don't ask her to come. 

If you decide to try again in the future, I would preemptively agree upon what she would feel comfortable with.  Nail it down in advance. She's an adult and should know her own threshold.  If she signs on for more 'grandma' duty, the expectation would be that she stops with the critical attitude.  IMO, if she repeats the behavior at this point then you know she is doing it consciously, and you have your answer.

[p123]

Yes it transpires that dear SIL was behind this all along. It turns out that she had put the idea in her head that "she was doing too much for us" and MIL is VERY, VERY gullible. If anyone puts an idea in her head thats it.

She was OK after. Admitted she LOVED the day out with our daughter....

Now my SIL, is just evil. Theres definitely someone with a disorder. We never see her (wife can't stand her) but she still manages to stick her oar in. Families, eh?

[1footouttadefog]

Is it possible she is in financial need or is controlled financially?  If so she might have underlying resentment about your overtime etc. 

If so perhaps a visa prepaid gift card might help.  Share the "bounty"that she is enabling you to aquire. 

[p123]

Is it possible she is in financial need or is controlled financially?  If so she might have underlying resentment about your overtime etc. 

If so perhaps a visa prepaid gift card might help.  Share the "bounty"that she is enabling you to aquire.

Oh MIL you mean. No shes got plenty of money....

To be honest, we are aware that she does help her out. We do take her away for weekends several times during the year as a sort of thank you. i.e we pay etc.