Anxiety and depression from trauma / cPTSD vs generalized anxiety or depression

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Spring Butterfly

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This really helped me understand why healing remains such a challenge, constant battle. It also validates why I so easily slip into feeling "not good enough" despite years of distance from the abuse.

Excerpts:

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First and foremost, a traumatized person must be living in a situation which is 100 percent safe before they can even begin to process the tsunami of anger, grief and despair that has been locked inside of them, causing their hypervigilance and other anxious symptoms. That usually means no one who abused them or enabled abuse in the past can be allowed to take up space in their life. It also means eliminating any other people who mirror the same abusive or enabling patterns.
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At the first sign of anxiety or depression, traumatized people will spiral into toxic shame. Depending on the wounding messages they received from their abusers, they will not only feel the effects of anxiety and depression, but also a deep shame for being “defective” or “not good enough.” Many survivors were emotionally and/or physically abandoned, and have a deep rooted knowledge of the fact that they were insufficiently loved. They live with a constant reminder that their brains and bodies were deprived of a basic human right. Even present-day situations where they are receiving love from a safe person trigger the awareness and subsequent grief of knowing how unloved they were by comparison.
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https://themighty.com/2018/06/anxiety-from-complex-trauma/
Each and every contact with a PD person results in damage. Plan accordingly and make time to heal. See Toolbox for tips. Individuation is the key to emotional freedom.

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Hazy111

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Spring Butterfly, have you read "C-PTSD From Surviving  to Thriving" by Peter Walker  and his 4fs in the defense against depression that all traumatised individiuals use?

I think anyone who had PD parents manifest C-PTSD behaviors in its manifest forms. Id rewrite your title as,  C-PTSD in childhood = Anxiety and Depression in adulthood (minimum).

 I understand in the UK 1 in 8 of the adult population is on anti depressants. 1 IN 8!! That of course doesnt include those who are battling on without medication and those who self medicate through drugs /alcohol etc. 

Thats an incredible amount of trauma or C-PTSD. Its affects are devastating and long lasting.

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Spring Butterfly

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Yes that was an amazing resource early in my journey. Those statics are staggering.
Each and every contact with a PD person results in damage. Plan accordingly and make time to heal. See Toolbox for tips. Individuation is the key to emotional freedom.

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treesgrowslowly

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That article totally nails it in regards to the awareness I always have and how mindfulness classes can backfire.

Much more education is needed. I had a counselor who basically framed my alarm system as a personality trait. This actually makes us (survivors of neglect) more isolated over time because we are easily shamed for having an overactive alarm system, long after the abuse is over or childhood is over. When mental health professional misread our behaviours they put us back in the state we've always been in - isolated hypervigilance. The people around us don't understand why we are triggered by present day events and advise us to do things that make the C-PTSD alarm system persist, instead of retreat.

I spent years after going NC, not finding anyone who understood what C PTSD was and how to treat it. That was as bad as the neglect.

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Jade63

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I agree with this line in the article regarding Mindfulness and Awareness:

Trauma survivors often donít need more awareness. They need to feel safe and secure in spite of what their awareness is telling them.

~Jade

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Boat Babe

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Thanks for this.
I am in a very good place (uBPDmum is 100 miles away and contact is manageable). No PD men in my life. Self care is very good and life is generally sweet.
But, that deep awareness of not being adequately loved as a child still sits like a stone in my gut, even now at 62.

Love to you all ❤️❤️❤️


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blunk

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Wow, that makes so much sense. I never really understood where the feelings of shame came from.

This line hit me espacially hard..."Even present-day situations where they are receiving love from a safe person can trigger the awareness and subsequent grief of knowing how unloved they were by comparison."

I know that my x never loved me as I thought he did, but even now when I experience genuine love, I feel doubt and sadness. It helps to know that this is why.

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Spring Butterfly

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That article totally nails it in regards to the awareness I always have and how mindfulness classes can backfire
your comment gave me pause today and I went back to reread this article for a few reasons.

Grounding and mindfulness did help me early on but I think there was a good reason at the time - constant disassociation prevented me from even recognizing I was in an abusive situation on a daily basis. Looking back the level of disassociation that enabled me to cope is mind-boggling.

So it may not help everyone but for me the grounding and staying in the moment even though it was abusive and terrible helped me recognize it was happening and I needed to find the strength to get out not to keep disassociating in fear and hiding. I did that my entire life and something had to change.

The other day I was relating to a colleague something another one of our workmates had written to me. I viewed it as the workmate simply putting up a wall and pushing me back after I had extended a caring thought regarding her current situation. However my colleague turned around and said that I didn't deserve that abuse.

My head physically cocked to one side and I was completely confused because in light of my past I generally view abuse as screaming in my face and anything short of that is fine with me. So someone can take my hand extended in a generous offer and expression of care and slap it back and I don't see anything at all wrong with that but my colleague does?

Whether or not the workmate was abusive in her response is a matter of opinion I suppose but what really gave me something to think about was I didn't even see it as anything wrong at all let alone abusive because she wasn't screaming it in my face.
Each and every contact with a PD person results in damage. Plan accordingly and make time to heal. See Toolbox for tips. Individuation is the key to emotional freedom.

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Spring Butterfly

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I agree with this line in the article regarding Mindfulness and Awareness:

Trauma survivors often donít need more awareness. They need to feel safe and secure in spite of what their awareness is telling them.

~Jade
I hope you can find a place of safety and security.

Thanks for this.
I am in a very good place (uBPDmum is 100 miles away and contact is manageable). No PD men in my life. Self care is very good and life is generally sweet.
But, that deep awareness of not being adequately loved as a child still sits like a stone in my gut, even now at 62.

Love to you all ❤️❤️❤️
it's a work in progress and self care helps but I think I need to give up thinking there will be a time when I'm over it. There is no end to the healing, it's a life journey and I need to accept that idea.

Wow, that makes so much sense. I never really understood where the feelings of shame came from.

This line hit me espacially hard..."Even present-day situations where they are receiving love from a safe person can trigger the awareness and subsequent grief of knowing how unloved they were by comparison."

I know that my x never loved me as I thought he did, but even now when I experience genuine love, I feel doubt and sadness. It helps to know that this is why.
constantly fighting the feeling of being good enough.
Each and every contact with a PD person results in damage. Plan accordingly and make time to heal. See Toolbox for tips. Individuation is the key to emotional freedom.

*

treesgrowslowly

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That article totally nails it in regards to the awareness I always have and how mindfulness classes can backfire
your comment gave me pause today and I went back to reread this article for a few reasons.

Grounding and mindfulness did help me early on but I think there was a good reason at the time - constant disassociation prevented me from even recognizing I was in an abusive situation on a daily basis. Looking back the level of disassociation that enabled me to cope is mind-boggling.

So it may not help everyone but for me the grounding and staying in the moment even though it was abusive and terrible helped me recognize it was happening and I needed to find the strength to get out not to keep disassociating in fear and hiding. I did that my entire life and something had to change.

I hear you. And I'm glad you shared this because I learned from this article and this thread as a whole.

I took meditation classes at two different times and for me they did not help with my recovery but that's just my limited experience.

I wanted them to help and it is good to hear different experiences with mindfulness. We each dissociated in our own unique way when we were in that place.

It is mind boggling indeed.

When its a mindfulness class or practice that tells our mind "wake up, this is abuse!" I can see how that could help someone.

Just this past year I saw trauma informed yoga offered. That's promising.

Whatever wakes us up Out of the FOG is going to help but sometimes tuning in to the present brings up emotions we didn't prepare for. I know for me, those mediation classes were an exercise in trying to feel the right feelings which was hard and I just felt discouraged that I was still upset after the classes.