Unraveling my PDw's fear of hospitals

[Samuel S.]

Sometimes, I have to be an outsider to determine what is going on in that mind of my PDw. Today, it became rather clear why my PDw doesn't like medicine and her fear of hospitals. Prior to marrying me, she was married, and they had 2 daughters. Her oldest daughter passed away from West Nile Virus 20 years ago at a children's hospital right in front of her and her 1st husband.

After her divorce from her 1st husband, she married me. I have had some hospital visits, some very brief to one that lasted 23 days. I actually thought I was going to die due to viral pneumonia. What made it worse for her was that I was in the same ICU as her daughter.

So, now, I have some medical concerns which I am addressing directly and am concerned about, but I haven't shared much of my numbness and pain with her, because she simply can't handle any other family member's medical issues. On top of it all, right now, she is my primary insurance, and I am looking for another health insurance policy that I can afford, because I hate it when the health benefits arrive, and she starts complaining as I have explained previously here.

Bottom line, the underlying fear for her is that she equates medicine and hospitals with death. I can't blame her for feeling that way, especially after what she unfortunately experienced with her oldest daughter, but I am a separate individual. She has "resigned" that I am taking care of myself, although she complains that I have been checked and examined with no known results yet. I just wish she would be more supportive of what I am going through, although she is a PD, and we can't expect much of anything from a PD.

[Samuel S.]

Although my PDw has learned acupressure and has mentioned to me how she has been given great reviews by her patients, she hasn't done it to me. She has done acupuncture on me, but only when she offers. For me to ask her, that's an imposition.

Today, I decided to get an acupressure treatment which almost made me cry. First, I was given attention for a full hour by someone. She didn't judge me. She was there to help me. So, I understand why I got emotional. While some of what she did was painful, it was mostly soothing. I probably will do it a few more times at least, although the numbness lessened a little bit but the neck pain has intensified.

When I saw my PDw and said to her what I did, she said that acupressure and acupuncture are only temporary reliefs, because I am 74, that "we all get older and such things won't cure things completely". Considering how much she raves about these two fields, I don't know what to believe from her. BTW, she has been studying these things for the last 5 years. BTW, she didn't even ask if I felt any better.

I wish she would actually and truly cared and loved me enough to ask, as I always do. I guess you can't move mountains!

[Whiteheron]

I'm glad to hear you had a caring practitioner and a "real" acupuncture session. I'm sorry to hear it didn't relieve the pain in your neck though.

I had to have a procedure done last year - the kind, caring way the doctor spoke to me almost brought me to tears. I was mentally berating myself until I realized I was so emotional because I couldn't remember anyone showing such care and concern for my well being. Granted, it was part of his job, but still. The fact that it was a male showing me kindness and compassion was almost too much for me to handle.

I'm glad you will go back for a few more sessions. You are worth it. As for your PDw, I am so sorry she is incapable of showing you the kindness and compassion you deserve.