Going into the miliary

[sunshine702]

So history is repeating itself but now it is the complete opposite now that it's Narc M source grand child involved.

A few facts for context.

My father was a Naval Academy graduate and built a career out of that path.  But he is very Type A.  And a do anything for the Corporation kind of guy.   It worked for him but Times are different now.

We are from a small rural town where jobs are scarce and the recruiters start calling all throughout your high school time.  I got out moved a state away, got a job.

Well it was 2002.  The Iraq war was happening.  I found out my younger brother signed up with a recruiter because his girlfriend was pregnant and "he needed healthcare". When I was rightfully scared that he could be blown up by a mine in Afganistan  (I lived near a military base and saw soldiers lose their friends everyday). My mom refused to speak to me for several  years because I was being anti American.   I begged her to tell him Starbucks had healthcare.  Well it worked out.  He got to be an officer doing more logistics.  I will never forget being told I was a bad American and bad to my brother for being rightfully afraid of what the war would bring.

Fast forward now to today.   That pregnancy is now 18 years old. H.  And her dad and stepmom are pushing her to go into the military.  "To get some skills". Well now the military is now a dangerous choice in my mother's eyes.  I sat on a phone call listening to the exact worries and other options I was trying to say back then!  But now that it's her Narc SOURCE well it's a whole different tune. 

I am honestly not for or against that for H if she decides that I just think the history repeating itself and hypocrisy is astounding.

Thoughts?  Ever have that in your Narc family?

And the shots he was given before deploying really effed him up to this day but I was the bad one for saying anything.  Sigh.

[athene1399]

I can understand your frustration. This is not on the same level, but when I was a kid I told my parents that I couldn't eat certain foods because they upset my stomach and made me feel bad after eating them. They called me crazy. Twenty-some years later I found out I have really bad acid reflux. That is the cause of my stomach issues as a kid.

So my dad recently found out that he has reflux as well and my mom's telling me the sob story of what he can't eat, like in a "let's all feel bad for him" way. (which I also want to add, yes, bad reflux does suck.) But I'm like "this is the stuff I've never been able to eat and you told me I was crazy and it was all in my head. Now that it's going on with dad you feel differently about it."  She of course said nothing.

Obviously it's not to the same degree as going into the military, but I understand how frustrating the complete 180 viewpoints are. Especially when they made you feel like a jerk or crazy for it at first. Then when it's going on with someone else, they change their tune. The hypocrisy is agitating and baffling.

[Pepin]

DH's sister is married to a scary and completely self-centered N that is a graduate of the Coast Guard.  All their kids have attended cadet training over the years and the oldest started the Coast Guard last year...mainly because her father refuses to help out financially for most things.  His plan is to retire early with his benefits and for the most part, as a couple, SIL and her N husband split everything 50/50.    

Not too long ago, their youngest child asked for some money for something and was told: we put a roof over your head.  This child will be joining the Coast Guard. 

The middle child was able to get out of joining the Coast Guard but lives at home going to Community College....which I am sure is a hellish situation. 

It is a disgusting dynamic in my opinion and others may not agree with me.  The oldest that is in the Coast Guard doesn't exactly enjoy it from what I have heard...so there is that.  I think she just wants to get away.

[nanotech]

Yup The hypocrisy is incredible
A bit off topic, but relating to athene1399 's  post ......
As an adult I have had to listen with sympathy all about my parents' intricate dental treatment, bridge work, gum surgery etc.
Some of this stuff was costly; private treatment was  involved.

Why then, when I was a child, didn't my parents ever think to take me to the dentist -for years and years and years ?

I ended up having four molars  extracted, and having to have another four filled, at only 12 years old. One was a front tooth. The dentist who discovered the state of my mouth was particularly sad about that one. I can remember him gasping!
When I took the referral slip home to my parents they got shouty and red- faced  about it.
They said the dentists were wrong.
But of course it was true.

I can remember feeling guilty that I'd been the cause of my parents' embarrassment.  I can't remember either of them being sorry, though I think my mum was.

The ensuing treatment was long and painful and not nice when you are 12.
I was lucky to later get two much-needed wisdom teeth- that was something.
When I was 24 I had to have my damaged front tooth capped.

At the time, my dad teased me smirkily about how young I was to need my tooth capped.

I knew there was something I could say about that to him, but I just didn't say it.

The problem had only been  picked up because that year they began to do dental  school examinations. The dentist was horrified. He was astounded that I hadn't felt any pain.

I said I hadn't.
But years later, I realised why. I did complain of pain, and Dad used to give me painkilling cream to put on my teeth.

My parents apparently believed that I had pain because I was losing my first teeth and getting my second ones.
But these WERE second teeth.
Brushing wasn't supervised, and I admit I was a lazy kid.
No one checked that I was cleaning them.

[sunshine702]

Yup The hypocrisy is incredible
A bit off topic, but relating to athene1399 's  post ......
As an adult I have had to listen with sympathy all about my parents' intricate dental treatment, bridge work, gum surgery etc.
Some of this stuff was costly; private treatment was  involved.

Why then, when I was a child, didn't my parents ever think to take me to the dentist -for years and years and years ?

I ended up having four molars  extracted, and having to have another four filled, at only 12 years old. One was a front tooth. The dentist who discovered the state of my mouth was particularly sad about that one. I can remember him gasping!
When I took the referral slip home to my parents they got shouty and red- faced  about it.
They said the dentists were wrong.
But of course it was true.

I can remember feeling guilty that I'd been the cause of my parents' embarrassment.  I can't remember either of them being sorry, though I think my mum was.

The ensuing treatment was long and painful and not nice when you are 12.
I was lucky to later get two much-needed wisdom teeth- that was something.
When I was 24 I had to have my damaged front tooth capped.

At the time, my dad teased me smirkily about how young I was to need my tooth capped.

I knew there was something I could say about that to him, but I just didn't say it.

The problem had only been  picked up because that year they began to do dental  school examinations. The dentist was horrified. He was astounded that I hadn't felt any pain.

I said I hadn't.
But years later, I realised why. I did complain of pain, and Dad used to give me painkilling cream to put on my teeth.

My parents apparently believed that I had pain because I was losing my first teeth and getting my second ones.
But these WERE second teeth.
Brushing wasn't supervised, and I admit I was a lazy kid.
No one checked that I was cleaning them.

Aww that breaks my heart nanotech.  That is abuse.  Not getting medical or dental care is neglect abuse.

[nanotech]

Sunshine 702 thank you for the validation. There was so much gaslighting going on at the time that it was years before I began to think it might have been neglect. They were so over careful regarding other stuff you see, (especially regarding safety). 
Of course I now know that this had much to do with control, but  it gives you the impression that you are well looked after!

My dad had access, through his job (worked for a big pharma company) to this special anaesthetic cream. He'd show off about it and tell us you couldn't buy it in the shops and how privileged we were to get it.
Now I'm thinking my goodness no wonder I have a gum condition. 
It was a pretty deadly combination- the general ignoring of my dental health was just incredible.
The fact that my dad worked in pharma and had a medical background from the RAF and chemist, fueled a certainty in my parents
that
'...dad  should have been a doctor'.

Anything medical or dental was diagnosed by dad! There was always a fuzzy warm feeling of great privilege evoked when we had the honour of access to this cream. I remember we had to be really careful not to waste it.

I just thought my dad was THE-best,  and all the while he was letting my precious teeth rot in my head. 
There were no outside checks. My parents made sure they never lived near family, so there were no aunties or grandmas to speak  up for us. They also  never went out, and we never had sitters.
They very seldom invited people to the house. No friends popping in.
When I was old enough to babysit the younger two children, then they would very occasionally go out. In our way, we were like hermits.

I never thought anything much  of the dental issues, certainly no responsibility or contrition was either taken or offered by my parents. Rather, they blamed ME for not realising that these were my adult teeth that were going bad! 
I was by that age far too old to have any milk teeth left to lose. I think they believed what they needed to believe.
But the dentist was free for children then.
I don't get it.   
When I had my own children I was very careful of their teeth. I knew pretty much which teeth were which,  and of course they had regular check ups and were supervised when brushing.
They had dummies, but I didn't dip them in honey or jam to make them sleep ( mum's idea)
To date, my son has had to have one filling and the girls none. They are all adults and two are in their thirties.
Years later,  I was on a teacher training course, and the tutor talked about a boy in his class who had been moaning with tooth pain.
He called it child abuse!
I stared at him! Oh come on! Can't be!
OMG really? 
Programmed to accept it, you see.