My mother passed away

Started by guitarman, October 21, 2019, 07:56:55 PM

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Dodo

I too lost my Mom a year and 4 months ago.  My condolences to you as I know what you are going through and what you will go through.  My Mom was 87 and she and I were close, we would have a lot of laughs together as she had a wonderful sense of humour and miss telling things that would make her laugh, I always felt that she was the one that loved me unconditionally and this is what a Mother does, so hard a loss.  All the best to you in your healing journey.

guitarman

"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

guitarman

I'm not feeling so good today. My uBPD/NPD sister called me but I didn't answer. I haven't heard from her for over six months.

She rang another sibling. She has sent an email to our sibling that was forwarded to me as well. It was full of rage and historical inaccuracies. She wants money.

I didn't read all of the email. I already get triggered by so many things now this has sent me into a panic. My sibling has replied to her email but I didn't read it all. They are getting into an argument and it's like they are shouting at each other, which my sister does in real life.

I can't have anything more to do with her for my own sanity and well-being.
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

blacksheep7

#63
 Hi guitarman,

I'm sorry that you are going through this.  You have been a very patient and understanding man with your sister.  You always responded in the appropriate way that was best for you.

I understand that you've had enough. It always comes down to a question of sanity and well being.  I don't know if I would have lasted this long in having a similar relationship with a sibling like that.

Hats off to you.

take care
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

"When people show you who they are, believe them."
Maya Angelou

nanotech

#64
Just ignore it, it's her stuff not yours -and I always find that deleting unwanted messages helps a lot.
I delete anything my UNPDbrother sends me on text, as it's very passive aggressive and designed to criticise and upset me.
To answer would be to allow him to trample my boundaries. So I don't.
It doesn't have to stay in your inbox. I think if it were me I would block her emails.
I have to keep my brother on texts because of my elderly dad. But he's blocked on Facebook as he's FAR  too mean on there. He's fumed about that for months . Yeah well, your fault bro. :tongue2:
I'm sending you some hugs guitarman. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗xxxxx

Spring Butterfly

It was inevitable to hear from her eventually with full venom ready. So not your stuff like nanotech said. Disengage. Let them argue. Good you didn't bother to read the email.
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage — prep beforehand and make time after to heal
blog for healing

guitarman

Thank you for your replies. My sister has legally delayed the probate process, so it is all paused at the moment. I'm letting my other siblings deal with it as I can't cope with it all. I trust them and they are very capable people. My doctor is going to call me tomorrow, so I might go back on antidepressants which I'm OK with. I took them for three years over a decade ago. I had a calm day today but can be triggered at any moment. I am currently watching Kris Godinez on YouTube. I make sure to watch her weekly live talks each Sunday.
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

magenta22

I'm sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was a beautiful person.

guitarman

"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

guitarman

#69
I posted this in the "Other Media Resources" section of the forum

Starting on Monday 17th August until 26th August 2020 is the

Trauma Skills Summit 
"Heal from the Effects of Trauma—for Yourself, the World, and Generations to Come.
A Free 10-Day Online Event from August 17–26, 2020."

It is presented by Sounds True. The Summit is free to register for and to watch and listen to during the event but costs money if you want to keep the lectures for lifetime access.

There are many renowned people taking part. Join 24 worldwide leaders to explore the latest breakthroughs in healing from trauma.

Trauma Skills Summit
https://product.soundstrue.com/trauma-skills-summit/register/

Sounds True website, an interesting website to explore including books, podcasts and online training
https://www.soundstrue.com/
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

nanotech

I hope you are feeling better.
In a way, they are too easy to predict. Anything that can be a drama, will be a drama.
It doesn't stop it being painful though.
I'm glad you have other siblings who you can rely on.
Keep steady.
Thanks for the trauma skills link. I'll be checking that out.
You are always thinking about and trying to help others, even when you are going through grief and the histrionics of your sister.
Take care, and well done not getting involved.




guitarman

*** Trigger Warning ***

Thank you. I am glad to help others as others have helped me. I pass my experiences on and what I have learned. We are not alone. I remember the time when both myself and my elderly parents were crying, not knowing what to do about my sister, or ourselves, when she was in a crisis. I remember when my father wanted to take an overdose of his pills because he felt so helpless and unable to cope any more.

I have watched the first day of the Trauma Skills Summit but found the talks difficult to follow. Maybe I'm just not in a receptive mood at the moment and find things difficult to comprehend at times. Many things are triggering me at times and I feel negative about everything but that is gradually changing. The covid19 situation isn't helping and adding to my anxiety, as with everyone.

My sister communicates with my siblings. I am taking care of myself and not getting involved.

I realise now that what I have experienced with my sister over many years has been abuse and trauma. It takes time to heal and recover, if that is ever possible. It takes time to learn new skills and to do things differently. X
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

Spring Butterfly

Quotewatched the first day of the Trauma Skills Summit but found the talks difficult to follow. Maybe I'm just not in a receptive mood at the moment
I feel ya and actually bookmarked the link you posted but haven't been in the mood to connect with it. I'm sorry your feeling so low and hope you can sit with it, hold space for yourself, as you heal.
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage — prep beforehand and make time after to heal
blog for healing

hhaw

gman:

Maybe skip through the offerings, and see if something is easier to follow.  It's OK to skip around, I think... and see what makes sense in the moment, IME. 

Also, you might go back to a part you couldn't understand, and it'll make more sense on a different day....  maybe.

Thanks for sharing it!  I love that site.

hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt