NPD SIL is worse than ever

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NPD SIL is worse than ever
« on: October 22, 2019, 11:45:25 PM »
Hi  :)
I used to frequent these boards often several years ago (over 5 to be exact...I can't believe it has even that long!) and have been lurking a little bit lately.  I finally feel ready to share a little bit of what is going on...I will try not to write a novel.

I currently have NC with my NPDSIL.  My husband and I have been together for 15 years and my relationship with her has always been tumultuous, to say the least.  For the longest time, I would try to excuse her behavior and look the other way because she is my husband's sister.  Then, when we had kids, I continued the excuses because she is my kids' aunt, but in May of this year I found out some beyond crazy news involving her and I made the decision that I could no longer condone her erratic behavior.  Although she is "family", I do not think that she is a good example for my kids.  It is definitely not how I pictured my life with my in-laws, but I have learned to do what is best for me and my family. 

Now, the beyond crazy news that I found out about her was that she filed a false report to DCYF that her father (my father-in-law) sexually molested one of her kids.  She has 2 is hers and the other is her ex-wife's.  They both got pregnant at the same time, by different men, when they were married and the 2 boys are 3 months apart.  (I guess that would be a topic for another post!)  The boys are 4 years old and love their grandparents very much.  When my husband confronted her about her accusations, she made up such crazy stories to try to cover her tracks and none of it made any sense.  She never even approached my father-in-law about it and instead just took the kids away from him and my mother-in-law (they took care of them several days a week and would watch them overnight also).  They thought something was off with her behavior because she started acting strange towards them in March, but it was my husband who ended up telling them about the DCYF stuff.  They were obviously devastated and still are, but nobody has said another word about it.  They are too afraid to confront her and have her do more damage.  My mother-in-law makes attempts to contact her, with no reciprocation and then out of nowhere, my SIL will show up with the kids to their house late at night for an hour.  The last time she did this was about a month ago.  My MIL told me that it broke her heart because my FIL picked one of the boys up, sat him on his lap, and tried to tie his shoe and my SIL freaked out about it.  She took the little boy out of my FIL's lap and said "NO!" It's really so sad, disgusting, and disturbing to me that after everything that my in-laws have done for my SIL throughout her life...raising her in a good home, giving her everything she needed and more, helping her through her divorce, and helping her out with whatever she needed with the kids and now she is doing this to them.  On the other hand, it's hard to be a bystander to all of this nonsense because nobody says anything to SIL about it and nobody else in the family knows what is going on.  I know, I know...not my circus, not my monkeys, but it's in the back of my mind with the holidays approaching.  It's tough because my husband and I are close with his parents and they do a lot for us and our 2 boys (I am also pregnant with our third child and due in February).  I think very highly of my FIL and have a hard time sitting back and not saying anything, acting like nothing is going on.  And on the other hand, I know that I need to prepare myself that should SIL decide that she is done with this act and needs something from MIL and FIL, they will accept her back with open arms and act like nothing ever happened. 

I guess I'm not really sure how to end my post.  Does anyone have experience with their NPD family member turning on people you never thought they would turn on?   Any advice and/or thoughts would be greatly appreciated, thank you :)



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Re: NPD SIL is worse than ever
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2019, 12:48:58 AM »
This definitely sounds like a frustrating situation.

Ideally your husband's parents would get some help, from a social worker or therapist, to guide them through dealing with an unstable daughter. I think they need expert advice. They have been accused of a crime. Your NPDSIL sounds chaotic and her accusations could cause real damage.

Can you tell your husband's parents your concerns?

Your choice to go NC with her sounds very wise.

Can you continue to be NC with her during the holidays?

And maybe you can plan in advance what to do if you hear things have gone bad again. Like maybe have some social service phone numbers handy for your husband's parents.

Your children, pregnancy, husband, and general well being come first. You can offer suggestions to your husband's parents but otherwise likely have to let it go. I can understand how tough this can be.