Newbie with baaaad FLEAS

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Bluewillow68

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Newbie with baaaad FLEAS
« on: October 23, 2019, 01:57:11 AM »
Ive been in a 16yr relationship with a Narc. We were married for 8yr, then divorced, then bf/gf now for 7 years. Ive suffered multiple types of abuse. Ive been in Therapy for over 20 years on and off. On now for about 12 years. My bf is currently in prison and has been all but 6 months of our relationship.  He is a very skilled intelligent narc. Ive known it for certain the past 5 years but have been so abused that i find myself helpless to get out because of the intense trauma bonding, hoovering cycles. I know have come to realize i have severe fleas because being at the end of my rope and sick of the abuse i have resorted to using his tactics and "standards" against him to defend myself and to prove im right about his abuse of me. This past year he has upped the abuse by adding in religious abuse. This has taken something important ive been trying to grow in and at times turned me against it because his version of what it means to be Christian sickens me. He uses the words of God to " rebuke. Admonish, reprove, condemn, ..." me repeatedly for many weeks on end.

My family has been pointing out for years how ive changed negatively since being involved with him . Now that i found out about fleas i clearly could see im infected.

Id love to hear from the my fellow infecteds to find out how they cope or rid the fleas. Im currently trying no contact for temporary to clear my head but dont feel ready to leave 100%.

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Newbie with baaaad FLEAS
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2019, 08:01:45 AM »
Welcome to Out of the FOG and it sounds like you've been through such terrible trauma for so long. It's really good you found your way here and hopefully you find the community here as supportive in your journey as they have been in mind.

Totally different relationship on my and but yes very familiar with fleas. In my case I was raised with them so it took me awhile to even figure it out and then work through it. Being here sure did help.

if you haven't seen the toolbox here's the toolbox topic on fleas. It's at the top of the forum and is one of my favorite resources here.
https://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/fleas

check out the chosen boards as well for those and similar relationships trying to work through breaking Free of the trauma Bond. It sounds like you've done a good bit of research already and stay strong! You can do this!
Each and every contact with a PD person results in damage. Plan accordingly and make time to heal. See Toolbox for tips. Individuation is the key to emotional freedom.

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minerva

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Re: Newbie with baaaad FLEAS
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2019, 10:32:24 PM »
wow, I have never heard of fleas. Thank you for your sharing! I have been trying to untangle from a BPD mother for my whole life and even though I don't meet the qualifications for a PD anymore, I know I do/did things like her, especially when I have been around her for extended time.

It is so good you are finding support. People with PDs are so good at making you afraid to find your own feet. All the best to you and your journey. I believe you will find that your feet are more steady than you know!