Its much more common,,Part 151 (Theres a lot of it about!!)

[Hazy111]

My belief that PD is far more common than is believed got another depressing confirmation this week. 

I frequent a lovely Italian Patisserie locally 2/3 times a week. The coffee is fab as are the cakes. They do some hot food too. Sometimes just get a coffee takeaway sometimes sit down for a pasta or my fave poached eggs on toast with their balsamic vinegar. Delicious.

Ive been going for about a year , so im becoming a bit of a regular, sometimes on my own sometimes not.  The staff are friendly but theres not much chit chat. Thats ok .

So im in on Monday i place my order and ask for some mushrooms with my poached eggs. Order arrives, no mushrooms. Now coming Out of the FOG, im much more assertive, i mention it unbelievably i used to let this sort of thing go..so i mention it.  The lady serving me (i think shes the owner) apologises , the young girl probably misheard my order. Not a problem , she offers to cook some , i ask how long it will be , i weigh it up and say its not a problem ill go without . Not a problem.

I get up to leave and pay at the counter and the lovely almond tart on display takes my eye , i cave in and order one to take away. They put it in a sealed box and bag . No problem

I go to eat the tart later on and realise shes given me the wrong one. Its apple cinnamon. Im not going to take it back, its a mistake. I eat i, its lovely.

Next day im in there and just getting a takeaway coffee. As im standing waiting at the counter , i notice the tarts and im reminded of yesterday. I thought id say something as a joke, a bit of small talk. As there never ever is. I said  "You gave me the wrong tart yesterday . Along with the missing mushrooms i was beginning to think you were trying to tell me something!"

She looks at me with that insincere smile we know so well "Youre very grouchy , grumpy today, arent you?" What!  im thinking. "Ohh its my fault" i said.

A classic micro aggression passive aggressive attack. She took my comment as an attack on her.. As im leaving i can hear her talking to another customer, something about hes a regular but a bit fussy grumpy

[countrygirl]

You got scapegoated at the Patisserie.  Unbelievable isn't it?  Except that it is common, as you noted.   

In fact, you mentioned the mistakes in a friendly, jokey sort of way, but clearly that woman feels they are perfect.  What happened to "the customer is always right?" 

I was just reading a book about narcissism when I took a break and checked in here.  I think that woman's attitude is very narcissistic.  A point which was made in the book is that narcissists always see themselves as perfect so they aren't the ones trying to change.  The rest of us are left to deal with them.   

Sorry you were subjected to this, including hearing her talk about you to someone else.  All of this, in addition to the mistakes.   

[Hazy111]

Countrygirl,

The contrast couldnt have been greater. Over the weekend i sometimes use a local cafe for a quick bacon/egg sandwich. Have been going there for years. I usually have red sauce but i have changed to brown . Last Saturday i was in there, the guy who owns it has wrapped up my order and then realises hes used red and not brown and apologises.  Its a bit irritating but not a problem but he offers me a free coffee as compensation. 

The narcissist give themselves away by their reaction to criticism  or implied criticism. Rather than recompense me or a simple apology would have sufficed, she went on the attack. It reminded me of a thousand interactions with my mother. I can honestly say i never heard my mother or father genuinely apologise for anything when it came to their children. My sister has followed suit.

[clara]

Yeah, calling you a name, Hazy, is a narc tactic.  They turn the situation back on you so you're the problem, never them.  A non-narc would probably say "oops, sorry, we must've been having a bad day or brain farts or..." something that wouldn't reflexively make it about you.  Especially since you're a regular and no business owner wants to piss off a regular customer!  But narcs can't help themselves, so you could be spending 24 hours a day at that place and the moment you offer up what seems to them a criticism (when actually it was just pointing out a mistake) they'll go on the offensive and react as narcs do.   

[Hazy111]

 

[Hazy111]

I dont need it confirming, but yesterday i was in there ( Italian patisserie) and she was making a special tea in front of me full of strange plants, while i waited for my lovely latte. I asked what it was. She said it was an Albanian drink for sore throats. She said she was Albanian. Months ago i asked her what part of Italy she was from , she hesitated and said Milan.

Today im waiting to be served and the guy in front of me is waiting for his special cake hes ordered. She opens it and shows him , but theyve got the message wrong and asks for it to be changed. She says it isnt a problem and takes the cake into the kitchen. (You can see right into the kitchen from the shop, theres no door) Im not sure if it was Italian or Albanian but she absolutely ripped into the cake maker, a real tongue lashing. I think she  must have forgot we could all hear (and see) in the shop.  (I think hes Italian and the husband). Later he comes into the shop , looking red and a bit sheepish. I felt real sorry for him. Poor guy married to her , being humiliated in public. Living on eggshells.   Why do they marry them? Well we know why.