What does OOTF Mean to You?

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Re: What does OOTF Mean to You?
« Reply #20 on: January 11, 2020, 04:55:24 PM »

But at what point did you realize that there was even a FOG around you?  What precipitated that event?

When the FOG lifts for a moment and you see the PD actions for what they are. It's something that, after that, It's hard to unsee. for me it was several years after I started the process after googling 'why is my mom so mean to me?' I had been reading about how they triangulate and get others to do things to get others to do what they want, and how they withhold love when people don't comply. I watched this exact thing play out with my mom and my kids.

My youngest didn't want to do an activity out of the house after my mom said she's play a game with her. My mom stood up and said well you can just play a game with your mom then, suggested to my oldest she could convince her sister to 'want' to go and then stormed off, leaving my oldest to play flying monkey after withholding her attention/presence from the youngest. I sat there in shock as I watched it, like it was show on TV because it hardly seemed real. (Usually the abuse was centered on me so I was too thick into it to see it) The whole time I kept thinking, this is what I was reading about. this is what she's been doing my whole life.

But it is a process, the fog comes and goes and is hard to see if I'm in it sometimes, like my mom can still call me names and say horrible things to me and I won't recognized it as abuse until other people are present. (That's why I'm in process of going no contact.) OOTF is a process and will probably be something I will always be working toward.