Newish: Introduction

[David1967]

Hi, Everyone,

I was a member around six years ago, when I was in the depths of a black hole I feared would kill me.  This is not hyperbolic--or only to those who have not had experiencing dealing with leaving a BPD spouse.  Mine (undiagnosed, but textbook) refused to end an affair that was tearing me and our family apart (our children were then six and nine).  The woman I loved and who I was sure would never hurt me turned into a stranger, seemingly overnight, and mercilessly destroyed our family. It was the struggle of my life to divorce her: at the time I was frantic to keep my family intact, even though i was, in hindsight being emotionally abused.

The divorce was another stage of hell, as was "co-parenting" for the first few years.  Everything was an ordeal. 

Fortunately in the last few years the dust has settled.  I learned much about BPD and related disorders, and my amateur diagnosis has proven true, in my untrained opinion.  Six years after divorce--during which she characterized me as a monster (projecting her own behavior as soon as I finally carried through with my threat to divorce her)--she wants to come back.  Just like that.  As though nothing ever happened.  She is ready to recommence our family life.  Note: she still lives with her affair partner, who I'm sure is as clueless as I was to the devaluation and discard a BPD's partners inevitably go through.  In any case, no way.  I am free from the poison and will never go back. 

Anyway, to all those going through a similar excruciatingly painful experience:  it gets better.  It takes a long, long time to disengage emotionally from a BPD partner, but it can--and I believe must--be done.  Mental illness or not, they will consume you in their bottomless well of needs and will behave, seemingly out of the blue, in ways you never would have believed. 

A better life beyond awaits.   

[SerenityCat]

Welcome again.

Thank you for letting us know of your progress, it is inspiring. It's good to hear that things got better for you and your children. You deserve praise for all your hard work.