The Positive

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Lauren17

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The Positive
« on: November 02, 2019, 12:51:01 PM »
This site has been so helpful to me. The definitions and tools have helped me to step off the roller coaster and define my boundaries. Being able to share my stories and have them understood is huge.
Iím finding, though, that Iím focusing on uBPDhís PD traits more than his good ones. Does anyone have any recommendations on how to see the positives again?
Iíve decided to stay married until my children are in college, and Iíd like to find some contentment along the way.
ďYou held me down, but I got up.
Get ready, Ďcause Iíve had enough.Ē
-Katy Perry

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Poison Ivy

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Re: The Positive
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2019, 05:33:36 PM »
I'm divorced, but I do want to maintain a cordial relationship with my ex-husband.  One thing that helps me not focus totally on his negative traits is to keep in mind that I have negative traits, too; I want to be seen as a combination of all my traits, and I should do that for him, too.

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notrightinthehead

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Re: The Positive
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2019, 05:35:04 PM »
Your question made me think.  And I do not have an answer for you.  Rather more questions. Are there positives? Which are they?  Looking at my own situation, I enjoyed the status of being married. And there were financial benefits.  Sadly for me, not much else. Maybe you have much more positives. List them. Think of them. Focus on them.

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Cascade

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Re: The Positive
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2019, 05:49:25 PM »
When I see something positive in my husband I write it down on a list I keep private on my phone. Then I can look at the list when I need to. I struggle with this too when the PD traits are so obvious some days!

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Fae Greenwood

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Re: The Positive
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2019, 02:32:39 AM »
In my case, the positives are that his NPD has made him focused on his career driven and thatís paid off for me financially. He sets concrete goals for himself that may be a bit nutty but Iíve got to admire his stubbornness. His NPD also often makes him easily manipulated in that I can threaten to pull back the curtain and let our kids or friends see the truth and he backs off real fast. Iím just trying to make lemons out of lemonade.
I have to remind myself constantly that I am responsible for my choices but not the choices of anyone else.

When we have a child, we give a hostage to fortune and to the other parent.

I may not respond as I have to sneak onto this site and more than a quick view is challenging.

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Lauren17

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Re: The Positive
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2019, 03:44:15 AM »
In my case, the positives are that his NPD has made him focused on his career . . . and thatís paid off for me financially. Iím just trying to make lemons out of lemonade.
Mine is very career driven too. I do feel fortunate for that since many BPDs donít work at all.
I agree that can go in the lemonade jar.
Cascade, Iím starting a list as well. Thatís an excellent idea.
Thanks, all, for the suggestions.
ďYou held me down, but I got up.
Get ready, Ďcause Iíve had enough.Ē
-Katy Perry