The Positive

[Lauren17]

This site has been so helpful to me. The definitions and tools have helped me to step off the roller coaster and define my boundaries. Being able to share my stories and have them understood is huge.
I'm finding, though, that I'm focusing on uBPDh's PD traits more than his good ones. Does anyone have any recommendations on how to see the positives again?
I've decided to stay married until my children are in college, and I'd like to find some contentment along the way.

[Poison Ivy]

I'm divorced, but I do want to maintain a cordial relationship with my ex-husband.  One thing that helps me not focus totally on his negative traits is to keep in mind that I have negative traits, too; I want to be seen as a combination of all my traits, and I should do that for him, too.

[notrightinthehead]

Your question made me think.  And I do not have an answer for you.  Rather more questions. Are there positives? Which are they?  Looking at my own situation, I enjoyed the status of being married. And there were financial benefits.  Sadly for me, not much else. Maybe you have much more positives. List them. Think of them. Focus on them.

[Cascade]

When I see something positive in my husband I write it down on a list I keep private on my phone. Then I can look at the list when I need to. I struggle with this too when the PD traits are so obvious some days!

[Fae Greenwood]

In my case, the positives are that his NPD has made him focused on his career driven and that's paid off for me financially. He sets concrete goals for himself that may be a bit nutty but I've got to admire his stubbornness. His NPD also often makes him easily manipulated in that I can threaten to pull back the curtain and let our kids or friends see the truth and he backs off real fast. I'm just trying to make lemons out of lemonade.

[Lauren17]

In my case, the positives are that his NPD has made him focused on his career . . . and that's paid off for me financially. I'm just trying to make lemons out of lemonade.

Mine is very career driven too. I do feel fortunate for that since many BPDs don't work at all.
I agree that can go in the lemonade jar.
Cascade, I'm starting a list as well. That's an excellent idea.
Thanks, all, for the suggestions.