I'll have to go into a home - blackmail/waifing

[p123]

I'm thinking that he won't do that. I think he wants to just make you fearful, obligated and guilty. FOG.
I could kind of get his thinking, if he were struggling financially.
But it could just put his electricity costs way up in any case.
No one does this!
Maybe he wants you to pay the extra ten pounds?
Or the whole bill!

No its his legendary "tightness". Hes loaded so I aint paying it!

[p123]

Sounds like it could be some cognitive impairment showing itself. That's crazy talk and he could be putting himself at risk if he follows through. A home might be a good idea, dad. I'll talk to your doctor about that.

Been through this over the years with his GP. They say NO WAY is he showing any signs at all. The GP put it kindly - "some older people have certain ways that are hard to explain".

Dad would do ANYTHING to save money. Once sat in hospital waiting room for 4-5 hours to wait for the free patient transport rather than pay £10 for a taxi. The blamed me for making him ill because I refused to drive the 60 odd miles to collect him.

[p123]

It could be a cognitive thing, but I think he's just testing to see what he can get away with before you jump in and save him from himself  (moving in with him  and/or paying all his bills). 

I think you handled it the right way - telling him NO about doing things for him, and telling him to do what he wants regarding his gas. 

Expect to have to push back like that more and more, as he keeps testing his boundaries.  If he makes any other ridiculous suggestions (right up there with turning off the gas and wearing an extra sweater), I'd say something like, "I think it's time I talk to your doctor about you going  into a home, since you can't seem to make rational decisions for yourself." 

Ray was like your dad - he had a great pension, extra money every week, a sizeable chunk 'o change in the bank, BUT he was looking for ways to make extra income - and save money, like denting cans of peaches at the store in the hope he could get them cheaper and screaming at the poor, hapless cashier until he or she called the manager - who'd cave - just to get that awful old man out of the store.

See:  why they keep doing what they do.  Because it WORKS. 

So...Ray's great idea to make money and piss the neighbors off was to rent  out his back yard to a wind turbine company.   

We have wind turbines a few miles south, along the Great Lake we live near, and they're MASSIVE.  Ray had a sizeable back yard, but I don't think the foot of a turbine would have fit  in his yard - and I don't think his town would have allowed it.

I shrugged and said he should look into it, so he told me to look up all the information on the internet and get it for him.  I told him I'd see what I could do - and did nothing, because I knew he'd forget, and if he didn't, I wasn't going to take his calls.  And didn't.   

Ray expected me to give him enemas - I stuck my fingers in my ears and started singing, "LALALALALALAAAA I can't HEAAAAAR YOUUUUU!"  when that gem came up   and he laughed, but  said I HAD to do it because *he wouldn't know where to put it.*   

Um - yeah.   

UnBPD Didi had been giving him enemas, so he damned well knew where they go - and it's not Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream, where you've got something like 102 choices!   

I told him he'd have to see his doctor about that, and they'd either do it for him or instruct him.   

All of these incidents - and many more - put me on notice of just how sneaky, cagey, manipulative, deceptive,  conniving and WAIFY Ray had become - but also confirmed what I'd been telling his doctors for YEARS - there is something seriously WRONG with him!

The first chance I got, I had Ray's competency tested.  Within 6 months, the man who thought he was the smartest man in the room got himself declared incompetent by overplaying his hand.

Your dad might be headed down the same road - by thinking himself so clever, he might get a label slapped on him that he never anticipated.

My best suggestion:  be wary.  Stay out of it, let him make all the foolish  decisions he wants, but if he's actually going to do something harmful or you find out he has done it, call the authorities - or his doctor - and ask for a competency test.

thanks WI. Yeh I've left him to it now..... He wont actually do it because it would mean getting off his backside and phoning them which he'll never do. Pretty sure hes not allowed to do either (after all the pipes would freeze in the winter - this is the uk!) since he part owns his home but the housing assocation own the rest.

OMG the enema story. Made me gag lol. Thats nuts. He expects his own daughter to shove something up the wrong 'un. No way no way no way.
I remember last time I took Dad away (remember pee-gate) and he had a shower in his hotel room and he wanted me to towel him dry. NO NO NO. He manages on his own at home so no chance am I going anywhere near my naked father. Ewwwww.

As I've said before, my wifes a District Nurse (Visiting nurse in the US?). She works in a different area to where he lives. Fortunately, in the UK, the health system is split in trusts (or areas). We live 25 miles away but the Trust boundary is about 5 miles from him - stroke of luck that.

Dad often says,"pity mrs p doesnt work in this area she could come and see me". Yeh she'd love that - NOT. He still tries to get me to get to get him things (like incontinence pads) NO DAD - she cant steal supplies and give to you.

If it ever happened and she worked in the same area she would have to declare that she can't visit him because of the hassle he causes being family.

[lkdrymom]

The obsession with enemas.   Once my father sent me to the store to buy 2 four packs of fleet enemas, two bottles of prune juice and  a container of prunes. Imagine walking up tot he counter with all that.  I told the big burly guy checking me out "Now I know how you guys feel when your girlfriend asks you to buy tampons".   The guy replied " At least everyone knows the tampons aren't for us". 

Then there is the cheap aspect.  My father has a lot more in the bank than P123's dad but he would be so proud of telling me how long he could make the leftovers I brought him last.  Thanksgiving leftovers would make it to Christmas.  And you know he wasn't freezing any of them.  Ew.

[NumbLotus]

Ray expected me to give him enemas - I stuck my fingers in

my ears

[SunnyMeadow]

Ray expected me to give him enemas - I stuck my fingers in

my ears

this was the first post I saw when I clicked into this page  and I was thinking ..... wait, WI??? Say it ain't so 

Good one NumbLotus! 

[p123]

The obsession with enemas.   Once my father sent me to the store to buy 2 four packs of fleet enemas, two bottles of prune juice and  a container of prunes. Imagine walking up tot he counter with all that.  I told the big burly guy checking me out "Now I know how you guys feel when your girlfriend asks you to buy tampons".   The guy replied " At least everyone knows the tampons aren't for us". 

Then there is the cheap aspect.  My father has a lot more in the bank than P123's dad but he would be so proud of telling me how long he could make the leftovers I brought him last.  Thanksgiving leftovers would make it to Christmas.  And you know he wasn't freezing any of them.  Ew.

Like the story ha ha. Good one that.

Haha I had to google it but thanksgiving is the end of November? Wow how'd he not die of food poisoning?
Dad is the same. We went away (weekend of pee gate). We had half eaten pasty (meat and potato sort of pastry wrap for the usa people here!) left over that had not been in the fridge (we were staying in a hotel). It was a VERY hot day (for the uk - 90F). Dad wanted to eat it two days later. He was disgusted when I binned it  - what a waste he said! After he'd peed in my car twice there was no way I was risking a 350 degree "brown out" as well.

Talking about things like that. GP gave dad Cocodamol (not sure if its available in the usa - its a codeine based painkiller). Known side effect it bungs you up. So Dad wouldnt take. Made him go back to GP. Gave him stool softeners - wouldnt take these because he "didn't want to be caught and not make it to the bathroom". You can't win.....

Yet he still moans hes in pain with his knees..... Jeez

[p123]

Ray expected me to give him enemas - I stuck my fingers in

my ears

this was the first post I saw when I clicked into this page  and I was thinking ..... wait, WI??? Say it ain't so 

Good one NumbLotus! 

I remember WIs story about Didi and the train in the station lol.