Hypochiondria?

Started by p123, November 07, 2019, 04:07:52 AM

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p123

So far Dad has never had any serious illnesses. Yes hes had ops and knee replacements and been a complete nightmare each time.

I don't know how the medical profession put up with him. Yes you've had an op and its going to hurt afterwards. Yes you're going to need physio. Every time he pretty much would not accept this.

If he has a cold now he calls the GP out. Every time. If hes got a stomach upset he presses his lifeline emergency.
Sometime he WANTS to be in hospital. Expects a visit EVERY DAY then.

I honestly do not know what would happen if he was every properly ill.

p123

So phoned Dad this weekend, first words "I've been really ill". Here we go.
Turns out hes vomited (once he says probably never) and got the squits. Feels OK now.

But hes calling the doctor out tommorow? Why? I told him all they're going to say is drink plenty and let it runs it course. Jeez he doesnt listen.
Nope "just in case". Jeez. Again hes risking they will get annoyed again and won't come (they told him last time to stop ringing them and expecting a call - he lives 400 yards from the GP and is too lazy to take his scooter - "they dont mind coming out and anyway its their job".

Sometimes I wish the NHS in the UK charged for appointments.... Meanwhile I can never get an appt because its alway full up with people like my Dad.....

NumbLotus

Let him ring the doctor. Not your problem.
Just a castaway, an island lost at sea
Another lonely day, noone here but me
More loneliness than any man could bear

p123

Quote from: NumbLotus on November 25, 2019, 08:34:38 AM
Let him ring the doctor. Not your problem.

Of course, at the end of the day "not my circus not my monkeys".

BUT we all want whats best for our parents. Being struck off his GP list (its getting to that) is not going to work out well. His fault but there we go.

And he'll expect me to call for an update every day now. I wont of course.

Next time I go out and drink 12 pints of Cider, and eat a large donner kebab with garlic sauce on I'm going to call him next day with an update on well my system handled that. (UK people will get this I hope!)

p123

Of course, a lot of this is me worrying about what will happen when he really gets ill.

One upchuck (not confirmed) and a dodgy poo and hes calling the GP out. God forbid he ever gets cancer or something.....

NumbLotus

Quote from: p123 on November 25, 2019, 09:32:20 AM
Quote from: NumbLotus on November 25, 2019, 08:34:38 AM
Let him ring the doctor. Not your problem.

Of course, at the end of the day "not my circus not my monkeys".

BUT we all want whats best for our parents. Being struck off his GP list (its getting to that) is not going to work out well. His fault but there we go.

And he'll expect me to call for an update every day now. I wont of course.

Next time I go out and drink 12 pints of Cider, and eat a large donner kebab with garlic sauce on I'm going to call him next day with an update on well my system handled that. (UK people will get this I hope!)

I'm kind of coming on tough with you in a coulle of threads. I hope you understand that I write with compassion and respect. But I also hope you can hear a few difficult things, because you are clearly in the FOG.

Let your father ring the damn doctor.

You can forsee consequences for him if he does that? Fine. Good, even. Not your problem.

Oh, he will make it your problem? He'll make you ring around to fix it or findanither GP? NO. Not your problem. He is a grown man. If he alienates his doctor, he can suffer the consequences. Not you.

Oh, but what if he gets reaaalllly sick? He can ring 999 or whatever your emergency line is. He can find another doctor. Hire a taxi to another doctor since he burned his bridges with the one around the corner.

NONE OF THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM. Your father is not a child. He certainly is not YOUR child. If his chickens are starting to come hime to roost, GREAT. It's the life he set up. Maybe he would enjoy the drama, anyway. Something for him to do. You don't have to play, though.

Yeah, elderly parents are tough because they start needing care. Well, he was responsible throughout his adult life to arrange for his elder years. That includes earning a pension or saving, looking after his health, and -listen to me on this - cultivating healthy relationships with others.

He has NHS (assuming you are in the UK). He has access to social services like elder case managers. He's fine. And if he's not, you can't help him. Take care of your family - that's your wife and kids. They have a chance. He has no chance.
Just a castaway, an island lost at sea
Another lonely day, noone here but me
More loneliness than any man could bear

p123

Quote from: NumbLotus on November 25, 2019, 10:34:21 AM
Quote from: p123 on November 25, 2019, 09:32:20 AM
Quote from: NumbLotus on November 25, 2019, 08:34:38 AM
Let him ring the doctor. Not your problem.

Of course, at the end of the day "not my circus not my monkeys".

BUT we all want whats best for our parents. Being struck off his GP list (its getting to that) is not going to work out well. His fault but there we go.

And he'll expect me to call for an update every day now. I wont of course.

Next time I go out and drink 12 pints of Cider, and eat a large donner kebab with garlic sauce on I'm going to call him next day with an update on well my system handled that. (UK people will get this I hope!)

I'm kind of coming on tough with you in a coulle of threads. I hope you understand that I write with compassion and respect. But I also hope you can hear a few difficult things, because you are clearly in the FOG.

Let your father ring the damn doctor.

You can forsee consequences for him if he does that? Fine. Good, even. Not your problem.

Oh, he will make it your problem? He'll make you ring around to fix it or findanither GP? NO. Not your problem. He is a grown man. If he alienates his doctor, he can suffer the consequences. Not you.

Oh, but what if he gets reaaalllly sick? He can ring 999 or whatever your emergency line is. He can find another doctor. Hire a taxi to another doctor since he burned his bridges with the one around the corner.

NONE OF THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM. Your father is not a child. He certainly is not YOUR child. If his chickens are starting to come hime to roost, GREAT. It's the life he set up. Maybe he would enjoy the drama, anyway. Something for him to do. You don't have to play, though.

Yeah, elderly parents are tough because they start needing care. Well, he was responsible throughout his adult life to arrange for his elder years. That includes earning a pension or saving, looking after his health, and -listen to me on this - cultivating healthy relationships with others.

He has NHS (assuming you are in the UK). He has access to social services like elder case managers. He's fine. And if he's not, you can't help him. Take care of your family - that's your wife and kids. They have a chance. He has no chance.

You're right. No problem.

His actions are going to come home to roost soon. Yes he has the NHS of course but that doesnt stop him being kicked out of his local surgery. I wish they were a bit tougher on him to be honest but I guess, again, thats not my problem.


p123

Oh hes off again...

MAJOR cold apparently. Sounds OK to me. Going to phone doctor. Told him its not wise because last three times they've told him not to call again. What can I do?


Andeza

Nothing really. A cold is a cold. Has to run it's course. There is no medication for the common cold, merely things to help alleviate the symptoms. However, if your grown man father can't figure out to take a few things over the counter to help himself, that's not your problem. Next time he says he's going to phone the doctor, I'd recommend saying "okay" and changing the subject. Don't linger on whatever he's got or let him spout TMI details, it's what he wants. That's his supply, my mom did the same thing to me all the time like I was a freaking ER (A&E over there) intake nurse. What's wrong today, what medications is she taking, how they aren't helping, how she needs to go see the doctor again, and again, and again. Three hours later I'm just a zombie holding the dang phone going "Hmm" every couple of seconds. Before I went NC I got her down to 20 minutes and managed to keep most of that off medical stuff, but only by keeping DH on the call with me.

She was convinced she had this, that, and oh that one too! All incurable and mostly untreatable by the way. Those were the ones that suited her purpose because it meant she could play the game for the rest of her life. PDs seem to go one way or the other. Either everything int eh world is wrong with them and they love going to the doctor. Or things are actually wrong with them and they refuse. I swear the self-preservation gene skipped some of them.  :stars:
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

tob-ler-one

Quote from: p123 on November 25, 2019, 11:39:13 AM
I wish they were a bit tougher on him to be honest but I guess, again, thats not my problem.

Quote from: p123 on February 20, 2020, 07:22:23 AM
Oh hes off again...

MAJOR cold apparently. Sounds OK to me. Going to phone doctor. Told him its not wise because last three times they've told him not to call again. What can I do?


Maybe they're being tougher than you imagined?

Lemsip isn't exactly tasty but it's more of a novelty than the standard prescribed paracetamol.

p123

Quote from: Andeza on February 20, 2020, 11:16:35 AM
Nothing really. A cold is a cold. Has to run it's course. There is no medication for the common cold, merely things to help alleviate the symptoms. However, if your grown man father can't figure out to take a few things over the counter to help himself, that's not your problem. Next time he says he's going to phone the doctor, I'd recommend saying "okay" and changing the subject. Don't linger on whatever he's got or let him spout TMI details, it's what he wants. That's his supply, my mom did the same thing to me all the time like I was a freaking ER (A&E over there) intake nurse. What's wrong today, what medications is she taking, how they aren't helping, how she needs to go see the doctor again, and again, and again. Three hours later I'm just a zombie holding the dang phone going "Hmm" every couple of seconds. Before I went NC I got her down to 20 minutes and managed to keep most of that off medical stuff, but only by keeping DH on the call with me.

She was convinced she had this, that, and oh that one too! All incurable and mostly untreatable by the way. Those were the ones that suited her purpose because it meant she could play the game for the rest of her life. PDs seem to go one way or the other. Either everything int eh world is wrong with them and they love going to the doctor. Or things are actually wrong with them and they refuse. I swear the self-preservation gene skipped some of them.  :stars:

Nope hes had many arguments with the GP about this. He will not believe that a cold does not require a doctor to look at you.

They've told him many times this but he wont have it. His attitude "I've paid my taxes they can come out and sort me out".

Hes told me many times hes on deaths door and I get there and hes hardly a sniffle... He'll never change.

Andeza

"He'll never change."

Sad, but true of most of our disordered people. Good luck
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

p123

Quote from: Andeza on February 20, 2020, 12:19:22 PM
"He'll never change."

Sad, but true of most of our disordered people. Good luck

It used to annoy me but I keep out of it now. He gets visits from the District (Visiting) nurse that hes not entitled to as well - hes not housebound just entitled lol. Hes been taken off they're list multiple times but he moans and gets back on.
This annoys me because my own wife is a DN (fortunately different area!) and I know how busy they are. Yet Dad doesnt care if he plays the system.
And ambulances - he went through a phase of one about every week. Until they pretty much stopped coming. Paramedics would turn up then take him to hospital, he'd be out 2 hours later, then they twigged and started refusing admission. Then he self-inflcited head injuries once or twice. Great eh?

End of the day why I should I care if these doctors and nurse have to put up with his antics. The one GP practice partner was firm with him but he doesnt care. The rest haven't. Its up to them if they want to run around and let him abuse the system.....

Part of the huge problem that is the NHS in the uk I'm afraid. Not enough resource for all the people taking when they don't need.

Of course, one thing he hasn't thought of is they won't come when hes genuine now. Last ambulance came next day. Its going to be serious one day and no=one is going to come. I'm prepared for that fact and would have no issue with emergency services if this happened.

fish2019

I remember when mine had an accident one of his relatives said 'I love him, but he's the worst patient.' I didn't really understand what she meant until I saw how dramatic he was about every little thing. Some of them love the drama and the supply from being fussed over by multiple caregivers, so they'll happily talk about their ailments.

p123

Went to visit Dad today. Told me how he'd been SOOOO ILLL and can't breathe hardly.... Honestly...

People who can't breathe generally don't give you demos of how they can't breathe.

Boat Babe

My grandmother, who was undoubtedly PD, was dying for the last forty years of her life! She actually died on her 101st birthday.
She was nuts but I do miss her.
It gets better. It has to.

Ilovedogs

My uBPD/NPD grandmother had hypochondria, along with very bad hording, but it turned out after she died that at least some of what we called hypochondria was manipulation and huge lies. She went to the doctor all the time, allllll the time, and used this sadly as an excuse to not do things, she had a phrase, my doctor won't let me. She used it to play the huge victim card, poor old me because I cannot do x or y, but YOU can so I hate you. That sort of thing.

Strangely when she had breast cancer she was really very impressive, didn't play a victim more than she genuinely was, it was so strange.

The worst thing she did was claim she was dying of incurable bone cancer, so everyone thought she was very ill. When she died her medical records had no record of this. I presume therefore that it was a complete fabrication. She did not have cancer when she died in any form.

Boat Babe

They really are batshit crazy.
It gets better. It has to.

OddFamily

Argh, yes.  Not so much hypochondria with my grandmother but refusing to follow any doctor's advice but Dr Herself.  And a fair amount I'm sure is outdated.  It's a good thing my mom's her primary caretaker as I would have dropped the rope years ago with her antics.  No made up stuff (yet) but I'm sure if she had internet access that would be different. 

p123

Dads latest is hayfever. I think hes got it. Waited a week to get a doctor appt so he could get the tablets for FREE instead of 99p over the counter. Really...

Hes moaning like hes dying now. Its hayfever. ITs not nice but there are people dying of cancer and Covid at the moment....

Hes like a baby most of the time...