Dealing With Explosive Rage

[silversounds]

I have to face frequent PD behaviors from several family members with whom I live.  This can happen at all hours of the day, and most days I have no occasion to leave the house.  Even though it's nothing new at this point, one of the most difficult parts of this is one particular person who is full of absolute rage,  This can happen at any time, for any reason, and for any duration of time.  I'm somewhat used to it, but it can send my stress level off the charts.  It's very difficult to live a remotely happy life under such circumstances.  It's so bad that this alone would have been enough to make me want out by itself.  The best I can do is try to ignore it and act like it doesn't bother me, but 2 and a half years of this takes a toll.

Until I can leave, what are the better ways to deal this? 

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Silversounds, I am sorry for what you are experiencing. Please know none of this is your fault. You are not alone. What you describe about rage that can be triggered from someone unexpectedly, for no apparent reason, at any time can be quite common. It is not what you are doing, but is instead what someone else is doing. 
     
First, having awareness and knowledge of these dynamics can be very helpful because you will not take on these issues as if they are your problems to solve. They are not. What you can do is guard yourself against the damage it can cause. Take care of you. Spend more time with friends or others who make you feel calm and happy. Engage in activities that keep you out of the house and give you something positive to put your energy toward.  Finish your education.  When you have to be in the home, there are techniques like gray rock and  medium chill to use when you interact with this person. They are described in the Toolbox section of this site. 
       
Last, I do not know how old you are or if the rages are physical. It is okay to make your physical well being and your health your first priority. Make a plan to leave the home when you come of legal age. You do not have to wait though, and you can indeed leave now. I would gather notes of dates and times of offending acts and even take pictures if this person breaks things or leaves other physical damage during the rages. You can use these things as evidence to prove your truth. You could then take it with you and go to an adult you trust such as a teacher or counselor at school or the parent of a friend and find an alternative place to live where you will be safe.

[nanotech]

This is really difficult for you.
I think you are already handling it well, by what you are doing.
You're ignoring it.
Good!
Strong!
I guess you need a sort of retreat that protects your body from this noise pollution.
Try using sone discrete earplugs.
Put them in well so they are invisible to the rager.
Wax ones are good,  because you can alter the size and shape. They are plain and not easy to spot.,
You in can just put a little bit of a wax one in.
A bit of tissue paper could be used if you can't get anything else.
Just keep them hidden from the loud person!

Or put your headphones on if that's ok to do that?
Make up a reason that they would have to accept. ' homework/ studying.
It would muffle the yelling. .

Maybe have a certain activity you can retreat to as well, in another room?
Or go  take a shower. Take as long as you can.
Following a rage, or even during one,  try some deep breathing or meditation. Yoga breathing is very helpful.
There's loads online about calming anxiety symptoms. It really does work.

Could you start a new activity that is outside the home, that takes you out?
Yoga is brilliant.
The breathing and the moves have lowered my blood pressure and given me a sense of calm.
It would help you to feel calm too when you are home,  when others are losing their heads and ranting.

Put yourself in an imaginary bubble when the yelling starts.

Do you  have a nearby church/ community centre/ coffee house / drama group/ singing group/ ( safe) friend's home/ library etc?
Go there and chill.
Make sure it's an OK place though first. Make sure it's safe for you, and that it's been there a while.
Because at the moment you are quite vulnerable. You have to make sure that any sanctuary you might seek, is genuine. 
There are a lot of wolves out there.
There are also good people.
Anything like that,  that is a safe, established community place, will give you a bolt hole  and in turn will possibly reduce the raging of this person. 
The rager is relying on you to normalise their behaviour.
The more of a moving target you are, the more you go out and mix with other (safe) people and places,
the LESS powerful and entitled and normal their behaviour will seem, possibly even to themselves.
Journaling can help immensely too but be sure to keep it away from their eyes.
There are helplines too. Give them a ring.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. 🤗❤️

[Spring Butterfly]

Please if you're in physical danger seek help.

Wonderful suggestions already and I'll add my ideas...

If the yelling is happening *to* you please know you don't need to let it happen. You can leave the room, go to a private place or leave the house. A good stated boundary would be "I can't stop you from yelling but I don't need to be here to receive it" or something to that effect - a statement of what you *can* control which is yourself and your response to abuse. If you don't wish to state it just do it and turn and walk away to a place of peace and safety.

If it's happening around you then please leave or else find a peaceful safe place.

In any case, focus on self care and self soothing suggestions above from blueberry pancakes and nanotech and the Toolbox suggestions.

Final thought: earplugs

[guitarman]

You are not alone.

This reminds me of my uBPD/uNPD sister and her uncontrolled emotional outbursts. She could rage for a long time and nothing I did would ever calm her down. I have now learnt to stay calm whatever happens.

I have learnt about the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse where the abuser turns everything around to become the victim. My sister tries to push all my buttons so that I will shout and scream at her so that she can then become the victim.

I have learnt that I can't change anyone else's behaviour, I can only change and control my own. That is very freeing to know.

I stay calm. I validate her feelings. I don't criticise her or bring up the past. I talk more about my feelings. I begin sentances with "I" rather than "You". If I talk to her I talk calmly, slowly and quietly. I sometimes lock myself in the bathroom where I feel safe from her. If it's during the day I go into the garden or leave the house.

If my sister threanings to hurt herself or thinks she can't breathe I call the emergency services. She knows I will follow through and call for support. I was told to give the responsibility for her care over to the health professionals. She knows there are boudaries for her abusive behaviour. Shouting and screaming is verbal abuse.

You need professional support. Please speak out and get support for yourself. Abuse thrives in darkness. We all need to shine a light on it whenever it occurs.

X

[74VeeDub]

Hi Guitarman,

Thanks for your post. It's exactly what I needed to hear at this time. My brother is NPD and is prone to explosive rages as well, so it's good to know what to do when these occur.