Reflecting

[Jorainbow]

As I move out of this fog, I've been looking back at old journals I started keeping and can see the patterns now with hindsight. One behaviour stands out the most and this, I think, is gaslighting. One example is I had finished work and text StbexH to see if he was in town as I was popping to the optician. We had been texting on and off during the day til mid afternoon when he went silent. He didn't answer again so I popped home, put another jumper and boots on (it was cold!) and drove to park. I rang but of course no answer. I visited the optician and on my way to the food store, walked past a pub with the bar near the window and hey presto! There's my H talking to two women. I remember how calm I was when I went in and said Hi just spotted you can I have a drink! His face was a picture. I then started chatting to them. There was nothing in it as they both had partners and we actually had a good talk much to his dismay! When we got home I confronted him and got what I see now as a load of rubbish but at the time I ended up justifying and kept being told I hadn't gone home to change and I hadn't been to the opticians. I had gone looking for him! I used to get so angry at him what I saw as accusing me of lying I couldn't see it was him deflecting his own behaviour. Any attempt to ask a rational question like why didn't you answer or why don't I get taken out for a drink was met with silent treatment. Looking back and learning is really helping me heal 😊

[Penny Lane]

I'm so glad you have a record and a clear memory of this. Gaslighting is SO damaging. To me the best cure is to hold true to what you KNOW to be true. And it's almost like the wizard of oz - if you pay no attention to the man behind the curtain it can be so confusing and mind bending. But once you see the truth it seems SO clear.