An hour of my life wasted....

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Amadahy

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An hour of my life wasted....
« on: November 12, 2019, 04:36:53 PM »
Hi, yall!

Nmom has an opportunity for subsidized housing - a huge rental savings. Im glad! The complex is lovely, with all kinds of social programming. Probably drama, too goody! Lol.

As with any move, there are expenses. Deposits, movers, etc come to $700. I wasted one hour of my life worrying about how I was going to come up with this.

Good grief, programming runs deep! 

When, after an hour of scheming, worrying, etc I thought of my Nmom securing a small loan I instantly felt massive relief.  Then, I felt foolish why, after all the therapy, after all the hard work Ive done, after every horrible thing shes done, WHY is my default still to sacrifice my health, my time and my money to meet her needs?

Im spending the rest of the day pampering myself because, while I am annoyed with myself, I see the depth of woundedness all over again.  Im going to give myself the compassion I never received.

:hug:
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

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WomanInterrupted

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Re: An hour of my life wasted....
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2019, 01:51:20 AM »
It's amazing, isn't it, how easy it is to make their problems ours, until we take our heads out of the game and *breathe.*  :yes:

I can't tell you how many times I had variants of this conversation with myself:  This is not my problem.  This is HER/HIS problem.  She/he will have to figure it out on  her/his own, and I don't have to do a thing.  This is NOT my problem, and I'm not getting sucked into it.   :doh:

The important thing is you DID realize you don't have to do a thing!  It took you a bit, but you got there!  That's HUGE - so please cut yourself some slack, and yes - pamper away!  You DESERVE compassion!   :yahoo:

One small warning about your mom taking out a loan:  don't cosign for her, under any circumstance.  If her credit is bad, she'll just have to take the hit on a higher interest rate, just like the rest of us.  :yes:

 :hug:

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practical

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Re: An hour of my life wasted....
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2019, 06:09:52 PM »
Isn't it amazing how feeling responsible for them has been trilled into us and happens like a reflex? Not only that, we anticipate the problems and come up with the solutions before the problems have even materialized. We were made the parents to them and think that way.  :sadno: I have done it many times and only NC, not knowing what the problems are has stopped it, but I still find myself sometimes doing it with regard to other non-PD people, and have to remind myself it is an unhealthy habit and refocus on my life.

 :thumbup: on taking care of yourself!
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)