Revenge

[Adrianna]

So I was talking to funeral director about Nana's funeral expenses. No she hasn't died. Prepaying the funeral because lawyer recommended it.

Funeral guy has known her many years. Said she would occasionally call and tell him to remove the mention of her family from the obit which she mostly wrote. Classic narcissistic move. Suffered some narc injury or hurt or we weren't living up to expectations at that moment. Then she'd call a few weeks later and tell him to add the family back to the obit. How kind!
What a cluster f***. Not surprising but interesting to hear it.
FYI keep in mind these people can change wills etc. at the drop of a hat, removing whoever slighted them. Then maybe putting them back if they fall back in line and are obedient.

[p123]

So I was talking to funeral director about Nana's funeral expenses. No she hasn't died. Prepaying the funeral because lawyer recommended it.

Funeral guy has known her many years. Said she would occasionally call and tell him to remove the mention of her family from the obit which she mostly wrote. Classic narcissistic move. Suffered some narc injury or hurt or we weren't living up to expectations at that moment. Then she'd call a few weeks later and tell him to add the family back to the obit. How kind!
What a cluster f***. Not surprising but interesting to hear it.
FYI keep in mind these people can change wills etc. at the drop of a hat, removing whoever slighted them. Then maybe putting them back if they fall back in line and are obedient.

I'm betting funeral director is not happy about constantly changing it....

[moglow]

The reality is, once she is actually gone you may add or omit whatever you wish to her obit. Her game playing doesn't have to be an issue and none of you have to respond to any of it.

[Call Me Cordelia]

 

Really, how sad. There are malicious people with way too much time on their hands. Time better spent preparing for death and leaving the world a better place, but some people would rather use their remaining time on earth trying to make their family members miserable as they are, I guess.

I would not like to be a funeral director. I bet they see the best and worst of humanity all the time.

[moglow]

Just an aside, my mother has repeatedly told us that she intends  to add our father's name to her headstone (old family cemetery, she already has a plot and headstone in place). They divorced in 1972 and she remarried within the year; she then instituted harsh parental alienation scheme and referred to him by a variety of nasty names well after his passing in 1995.

Anyhoo, that's not going to happen on my watch. She'll just have to get over it.

[Adrianna]

I'm not really upset by it. I find it mildly amusing and validating yet quite sad.

Just wanted people to know that any inheritances from these types could be on shaky ground so if you're counting on an inheritance review documents with a lawyer to see if it's changeable by the pd person.

[SunnyMeadow]

I'm not really upset by it. I find it mildly amusing and validating yet quite sad.
Just wanted people to know that any inheritances from these types could be on shaky ground so if you're counting on an inheritance review documents with a lawyer to see if it's changeable by the pd person.

Good information Adrianna.

I have no doubt I have been removed and possibly put back into my uPDmom's will. She says I'm the executor. Big deal, they both spend as much as they make and then some.

I get to do a bunch of work as the executor and shaft various companies and utilities out of money owed to them. (if I'm still in the will----hopefully NOT!!) She's been excluding children for years. If there is anything left, I'm splitting between all of us. We've all suffered.

[moglow]

My mother has often tried dangling the "executor" carrot, as if that gives some special power over her estate. She's thrown out the possibility of making a particular niece [mother's]/cousin [of ours] the executor and we're to somehow kowtow to mother's demands "or else." This cousin managed to undercut her own siblings and have a number of assets put in her name while their mother was still of sound mind, so I guess mother sees it as the ultimate revenge.

My understanding of those duties in my state [having had to fulfill after my Daddy's passing years ago] is, you're basically the go-between with the county court, IRS, etc and those who inherit the estate. The executor is the bean counter and the one who signs off once everything is distributed that it WAS - not, as mother believes, the one who inherits everything. Me, I'd just as soon someone else take on that mess to unravel but I'm not letting mother know it!

And you're right, it is mildly amusing and yet sad at the same time, that this petty bs appears to occupy so much of their remaining time.