The 'I'm so sick!' manipulation

[Lillith65]

I've been happily NC with my APDM and UBPDS for 18 months. On the anniversary of my Dad's death in October, my APDM rang me and cried down the phone about the fact that I hadn't rung her, asked about my abusive ex-husband (whole other story there) and didn't ask me how I was once. It was all about her.

Today she rang crying and told me how sick she was with a chest infection (she has a history of pneumonia). She needed some medications from the chemist and felt too ill to go and go and get them. I (stupidly) said that I would get them and drop them off.

After severe anxiety and a conversation with my therapist, I decided to accept my partner's offer to do it for me. He dropped them off and when I asked how it went he told me that she looked absolutely fine, was dressed, looked well and clearly up and about, with no sign of any chest infection.

It blows me away how manipulative she is. She clearly wanted me to visit so that she could tell me about how lonely, isolated and sick she is to draw me back into the nasty, sticky web.

Thank God for my lovely, sensible, generous and understanding partner.

I just wish that I could have said NO! NO! NO!

Maybe next time!

[Psuedonym]

I have verrrrrry similar experiences! I am also NC with uBPD/N m (aka Negatron) and my bf is all of things you said about your partner. He deals with her when necessary.

For decades Negatron has (in addition to being a huge hypochondriac) has done what I call 'the sick voice'. The sick voice is this pathetic, laryngitis-having like whisper. The thing is that Negatron will deploy the sick voice to get sympathy and attention and then forget all about it and start talking normally about 5 minutes later.

About a month ago my bf came back from dropping something off at her place and was quite excited to tell me that he had finally experience the full sick voice act. He said when she answered the door he thought she had one foot in the grave and he actually felt sorry for her, she sounded absolutely terrible. Then within 5 minutes of her rattling on about something she forgot to keep it up and lapsed back into a miraculous recovery. He was pretty amazed to experience it first hand. It truly is  . 

[alphaomega]

Ohhh boy so I EVER understand.

It's an absolute manipulation.

[Adrianna]

Very familiar! It's a common tactic for attention. I've thought nana was dying countless times over the years. It's unbelievable unless you've experienced it and no one who has never had a pd family member could possibly understand.

[lkdrymom]

My father would call me and in his sick voice tell me he'd like to see me "one last time".  Never mind I was just there a couple days ago.  Or that I have heard the 'one last time' line at least 100 times.

[p123]

Ha ha the sick voice. Not just me then....
Like everyone else usually stops within 5 mins when hes prattling on about some other rubbish!

His classic is phone calls:-
Me: "Hi Dad"
Dad: "I've been ill, I've had to call the doctor out"
Me: <here we go again>
Dad: "Doctor came and he said my chest was really bad and hes given me antibiotics"
Me: <jeez not again>

Trouble is, despite him abusing the system massively (both his GP and emergency services) and been warned about it, he still calls them and they come out. GP seems to give him antibiotics just to shut him up when theres nothing wrong with him. It annoys me so much. Its free in the UK but I wish it was like £5 or something because he'd never do it then!

Of course, all of this is meaning I'VE BEEN ILL AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!

[p123]

I've been happily NC with my APDM and UBPDS for 18 months. On the anniversary of my Dad's death in October, my APDM rang me and cried down the phone about the fact that I hadn't rung her, asked about my abusive ex-husband (whole other story there) and didn't ask me how I was once. It was all about her.

Today she rang crying and told me how sick she was with a chest infection (she has a history of pneumonia). She needed some medications from the chemist and felt too ill to go and go and get them. I (stupidly) said that I would get them and drop them off.

After severe anxiety and a conversation with my therapist, I decided to accept my partner's offer to do it for me. He dropped them off and when I asked how it went he told me that she looked absolutely fine, was dressed, looked well and clearly up and about, with no sign of any chest infection.

It blows me away how manipulative she is. She clearly wanted me to visit so that she could tell me about how lonely, isolated and sick she is to draw me back into the nasty, sticky web.

Thank God for my lovely, sensible, generous and understanding partner.

I just wish that I could have said NO! NO! NO!

Maybe next time!

Fair play to your partner!

Good call that one. Can imagine her face when your partner knocked the door and she realised the scam to get you there hadn't worked...

[Andeza]

There's no end of these unfortunately. It's a good thing you didn't go, because if you had, she'd have figured out a way to make you go at the drop of a hat all the flippin' time. Once they find a button that works they just keep pressing it, like a naughty kid in an elevator.

Next time, you can do it! You can say no! She can figure something else out, especially if you're more or less NC. I highly recommend going back under the umbrella of NC, and maybe block her from calling you? Might make things a little easier.