Lack of empathy for victims/siding with abusers

[Oscen]

I recently remembered something my sister used to do from time to time. I'm not sure if she is NPD like our M, or if she just has bad fleas.

In the past when we've discussed abuses of power from people in high positions, she often justifies their bad behaviour, particularly if they're talented in the arts, by saying that people in that position are entitled to bully and shame and just generally treat people below them rotten.

The weird thing is, if she were being harassed/abused by someone in a high position, she'd be very resentful and feel victimised, but when we discuss it objectively happening to other people and I condemn it, she sides with the powerful person, almost just to have something to disagree with me about.

There's also this weird feeling that by justifying the powerful person, she's identifying with them and feeling like she is powerful like them.
I used to feel pushed into playing the lower power position, because I'm condemning this poor behaviour and empathising with the victim but she's being dismissive of me.
It's one of those invisible strings/weird power-play situations that I used to stumble into, just by saying perfectly normal things like, "I don't like it when X treats his staff this way", or "I heard celebrity X is horrible to his costars" etc.

I don't know if she was just being contrary/oppositional, or if there actually is a lack of empathy for victims of bullying.
I barely speak to her any more so it hasn't happened in a long time.
I just remembered these dynamics and that there was something weird going on, an extra layer to our conversation beyond just stating facts and opinions.

[Goldielocks]

I think she is conditioned into rejecting your point of view no matter what. It is one of her ways of keeping you 'down.' I get the impression that she admires people in power/authority who abuse their position because she really does believe that 'lower' people deserve the harsh treatment.
Based on what you've said, I suspect she has a lot more going on than just Fleas.

[clara]

I'm sure someone on here with a background in psychology can explain this phenomenon, but it can occur in PDs and non-PDs as some sort of primitive survival instinct--siding with the "winner" and the "powerful."  People who do this subconsciously believe that by doing so some of the power and success of the abuser will rub off on them.  Or that the person will somehow protect them.  It's a form of choosing the winning side despite what the winning side is doing.  A lot of people do it.  I've witnessed this behavior in friends and at work.  They look for a reason to blame the victims because they feel more comfortable believing they have total control over their lives and will never become victims, themselves.  It seems to be a fear response, more than anything.  An "it can't happen to me" mentality. 

Or...your sister is one of those people who enjoy being contrary!  It makes them feel like they know something you don't, and that you're less intelligent/observant than they are.  They don't really believe what they're saying, they just want to find a way to diminish and dismiss you.  Like Goldilocks said--a way of keeping you down.  From my experience, NPDs are good at this.  They have a constant need to prove their superiority.   

[athene1399]

The PD I know projects her bullying behaviors onto others. When she's being the bully she accuses others of doing it when they are not. And then she bullies them about bullying. Very ironic when you think about it. When someone bullies in the news, she'll post it on social media and say how awful the person is for being a bully. I always chuckle because it's usually something I can picture her doing. When she feels vulnerable she turns into a bully to make others feel less than so she feels better. Or she makes others out to be the bully so she can distract others from what wrong/dumb thing she is doing.

I do agree with the others and wonder if part of it with your sister is just to be against you, or to make you feel wrong about the position you're taking. Like she's arguing just to show you aren't right.

[Oscen]

HA, I've just reread your comments guys and totally agree - thanks for your wise words.

I agree with BOTH viewpoints you've all offered up - she is conditioned into rejecting my viewpoint no matter what to try to keep me down, AND she is a bullying narc/borderline.

It's so hard to be objective about her behaviours - even now, when I think about her, I can see all the different aspects of her splitting off into different pieces in front of me. But I have enough objectivity now to see her for what she is - abusive, with a hearty side of victim mentality. Haven't spoken in god knows how long. Thank god.

[Adria]

I agree with the others.  You see it across the board. People seem to always rally around the bully on the playground at school, they rally around the narc in the political arena, they rally around the narc in families as we see here.  Maybe out of fear, or wanting to feel important, or not having the courage to stand on their own, in some cases the narc has money and power or position and they want to be a part of that. If they stick up for the victim, then they me feel weak or be looked at as weak, or miss out on certain perks.  Either that, or it is an easy  way for your sister to down you.  Either way, it's not very nice.  I think it's that thing where pigeons flock together, but eagles soar alone. 

[StayWithMe]

I've gotten to the point in which anything that doesn't make sense is just someone's effort to bait me.  I seamlessly change the subject.  Let them get their supply elsewhere.

[Hazy111]

   All of it.

As previously commented PDs who feel inferior side/befriend with the powerful  hoping it will "rub off" on them. As they have weak boundaries and a weak sense  of self they try and "merge emotionally/psychologically". "You are me, i am you"

Ive seen this time and time again, mostly in work situations , when confronted with a bullying boss,  there was always at least one person despite all the evidence to the contrary sided with them and said the victim deserved it, unless of course it happened to them, ie reality struck home and forced them into mental gymnastics and their complete denial of their previous held opinions.

I had a work colleague who referred to his  friends not by their names but by their  jobs, invariably high status (to him) , a judge (who he used to holiday with) and a priest (even though this guy never demonstrated any christian values, but he said he always did the collection, haha)

Weve all seen it at school ( the bully and his cohorts) and it works on a national scale with authoritarian leaders. " I could shoot somebody and i wouldnt lose any voters"

Playing the "contrarian game" is a passive aggressive act. I know someone/friend? who resorts to this in conversation with me. Its rare when it happens, but its so blatant. They are telling me they are angry with me.

[Hazy111]

I've gotten to the point in which anything that doesn't make sense is just someone's effort to bait me.  I seamlessly change the subject.  Let them get their supply elsewhere.

Yeah i go into "fawn/submissive mode" momentarily , let them get it all out. Then i think i cant be bothered with you for a while. It doesnt happen regularly, but when it does it feels horrible.