not a dad, just need a dad’s insight

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sunflowerdust

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not a dad, just need a dad’s insight
« on: November 20, 2019, 01:13:18 PM »
I guess a mild trigger warning, this has some reference to sexuality.


I am not sure if this is normal behavior or a red flag.

When my child was under a year old, Child’s father would occasionally comment that when he was around Child, just seeing Child would remind him of “how [Child] was made”, and so he would mention having an erection.

Is this normal? I understand that erections can be badly timed and unwanted.

At the time, Child’s father was visiting about every other weekend, so it wasn’t a daily occurrence.

He does have some other unrelated issues, but I am trying to figure out which bits and pieces are normal and which are problematic, and this is one of those small pieces.

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sunflowerdust

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Re: not a dad, just need a dadís insight
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2019, 03:41:53 AM »
I think I am going to count it as a red flag. If it was just a poorly timed erection, I donít think it would have happened repeatedly under the same circumstances. Either way, he has too many other things that are easier to identify as red flags.

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p123

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Re: not a dad, just need a dadís insight
« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2019, 07:15:05 AM »
Very weird indeed if you ask me.....

Got to admit I've never thought like that to be honest. EVER.

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sunflowerdust

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Re: not a dad, just need a dadís insight
« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2019, 01:19:48 PM »
Very weird indeed if you ask me.....

Got to admit I've never thought like that to be honest. EVER.

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I did feel uncomfortable about it, and have been questioning it in my head since it happened. But I was unsure and didnít want to overreact.

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Findingmyvoice

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Re: not a dad, just need a dadís insight
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2019, 03:10:36 PM »
+1.  I also think that is strange.
Being around, looking at, holding, comforting my children has never once made me think of sex.

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Crushed_Dad

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Re: not a dad, just need a dadís insight
« Reply #5 on: November 27, 2019, 11:43:19 AM »
If that starting post isn't a wind up I'd report it to the police. Could you live with yourself if any harm came to your child? I couldn't.

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sunflowerdust

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Re: not a dad, just need a dadís insight
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2019, 12:17:16 AM »
If that starting post isn't a wind up I'd report it to the police. Could you live with yourself if any harm came to your child? I couldn't.

Thank you for your concern, your level of concern gives me needed insight. Childís father is not currently part of my childís life, so there is no current risk.

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MiniWheat

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Re: not a dad, just need a dadís insight
« Reply #7 on: January 15, 2020, 07:27:57 PM »
I am not sure if this is normal behavior or a red flag.

Red flag. Having sexual responses to adults as an adult - normal. Sexual responses to children - not normal, unhealthy, and dangerous.

This coming from a dad, and someone who grew up in and around a FOO with sexual abuse and resulting PDs. I've been through a lot of therapy, and have kids, and as another poster mentioned have never had sexual feelings while looking at/ holding/ paying attention to kids.

I'd add that even not having direct physical sexual abuse, there's indirect sexual abuse - sexual shaming, sexualizing of behaviours as 2 examples. It used to drive me crazy mad when my little boy would be friendly to them and they'd say to him "oh you're such a flirt" and "you're so cute, maybe I'll save myself for you" that kind of thing. That's sexualizing of non-sexual innocent child behaviour and if left unchecked it can really add up.

my delayed 2c.
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Time is precious.
Live life with authentic high integrity people.