Where's my dinner??

[sarandro]

I have been reading about PD's and food issues and I would like to ask everyone if they experience this behaviour....

When my husband worked, I would make him his lunch flask of coffee etc and cook dinner when he came home...pretty normal. (I worked from home and looked after the kids etc)

When I worked and he was at home (not working, kids grown up) ...no lunch for me...no dinner cooked (even thought about).

Now, I am working from home again, he can see me in the kitchen (I use the big table to sew on) he will sit in the living room all day watching TV and come in and out of the kitchen to make himself some toast or a sandwich and never offer me anything.

When dinnertime comes he says:
''What's for dinner?''
I say:
''I don't know, what are you doing? I have been working all day and I'm not cooking as well.''

He will tell me HE'S not really hungry right now (having snacked all day)
He will leave it for a couple of hours (ST) and then begrudgingly look in the fridge and offer to make me a sandwich.

Over the last few weeks, I have been making pies and stews to freeze specially, so I didn't have to cook in the evening.
He knows they are there, but in order to cook them, he would need to think ahead and go get them out of the garage freezer.

It is infuriating, I would like a home cooked meal sometimes, it's not like I am asking him to make the damn stew from scratch!

He will eat food I have put aside for myself (I have a digestive disorder) or saved for the kids (2 grown ones back at home, but working), so they have no dinner.

He secretly eats cookies and candy...he will buy me chocolate (which I can't eat now) and eat that.
He will eat ingredients for food I have planned for the next few days...like all the eggs, or the special cheese.

I suppose he must think of himself as the 'King' who is allowed to eat anything he wants.

I feel like shouting ''Where's MY dinner''....but I don't!

Anyway, I have decided to start eating gluten free stuff (which he hates), more veggies and less meat.
I will make time for my own lunch and then I won't mind his offer of a sandwich at dinnertime!!!!

[ICantThinkOfAName]

LOL.... yes.  What's for dinner is what I get.  It has always been expected that I cook, since I am the MOM and all.  He's like a 4th kid.  He can make his own meals but gets passive aggressive when I haven't considered his stomach at dinner time.  He may have offered a few times to make me something but it was never expected of him to make dinner every single night.  And yes I work full time and pay the majority of the bills.  He works 3/4 time and I find him watching TV the majority of time he is home.  I used to think it's just a "man" thing.  Sorry guys...:-(  But now that I've had to work another job to supplement income, he's had to fend for himself more, and no he never considers making me dinner.  Nothing makes him step up to the plate short of me kicking him out.  I've asked that he take on 2 nights a week as his night to cook and he just said that he can't because everyone is too picky.  So there is sat forever.

[NumbLotus]

Well, I guess you can't either. Because everyone is so picky.

Just can't be done.

[logistics]

I get this too. Lately it's my cookbook is to hard to figure out. I put together his own cook book with simple recipes he likes. I still have to shop for the ingredients and tell him which days to cook them.  They are his favorite recipes. He would never cook what I like to eat. I don't think he even remebers.

[1footouttadefog]

What's for lunch, what's for dinner.

I get that also.  Then he does not want what we are eating.  Or like others have mentioned he gorges on key items for planned meals. 

I am over it.  There was a blow up a while back over him not cleaning his bathroom. We had had a lengthy stand off and I finally gave in because it was nasty and I did not want anyone to discover a bathroom like that in a home I live in. 

He pouted and decided to take it out in my by trashing his lunch then later dinner that day.  I told him I had come to terms with being a maid but would be a well paid maid.  I also explained I would be off at 5 each day and would not take him under consideration for evening meals and he would need to defrost frozen dinners.  I have been cooking large batches of dinners and boxing them up once a week.  If I am eating something he would eat I make an extra serving or two and freeze them.  He has about 6 or 7 meals to choose from at any given times.  They are actually his favorite things for the most part with a few less favorites for alternatives, and variation. 

Meat loaf with veggies and mashed potatoes. Meatballs with veggies and stuffing.  Browned potatoes with onions and ham cubes.  Chunky garden veggie spaghetti sauce and noodles.  Tortalines with diced sauted veggies and tomato sauce.  Beef stew with veggies, Oriental style stir fry and rice,. Roasted seasoned potatoe wedges and green beans. Beef strips  sauted onions and peppers with rice.  Chili.  Rice stuffed peppers inside out. 

Once a week I make a great big batch and box up between 6and 9 of one type of meal.  These over lap and I add in a single extra once a week or so and there is a rotating variety.

Now my daughter and I cook our less fattening lower carb meals and eat less meat also, more veggies and more elegant and more exotic meals with little regard for his likes and dislikes as he it taken care of. 

[11JB68]

Every night, 'what's for dinner?'
He would never offer to make me anything.
In fact if I'm home I'm expected to continually make him cups of coffee, he never ever makes me one.
And we have to have what he likes and what he can tolerate.
Plus the cookies before dinner and the ice cream before bed, and the 'right kind' of popsicles.
Exhausting.
Sarandro, what have you been reading? On here, or is there other literature about this subject?

[SparkStillLit]

POPSICLES tee hee hee hee! And the right kind of ice cream on hand, and yes I make dinner most nights, mmm hmmm "what did you do for dinner/do you have anything planned/ is there anything for dinner/ I'm starving I'm about to pass out/I've gotta eat I'm about to vomit" other such charming things. With the idea that some food should have been prepped or should be in progress.
Of course it's implicit so he can say he'd NEVER say ANYTHING like that. PA all the way.

[1footouttadefog]

My pd had stopped eating with us at the table and sits at his desk to eat.  His choice not ours, but we don't miss him eating with us.  Now he seems not to care of we eat at the same time or not.  He is eating his own food at his time sooooo.......

Now he is bullying us about the dogs meals and what is the dog going to eat and wanting the dog to be fed at a certain moment or the world will fall apart. 

[TooLiteral]

Oh yeah. I get it too. He'll say "I'll do it, just tell me what to do." Well, that's not doing it, is it? That's me standing over you, teaching you how to do it, because you are too lazy to do it yourself....

We had a huge blowout argument a week or so ago because I bought the wrong can of chili for his lunches and it shows that I "don't care" about how hard he works. So, I make his food every day, shop for it, get what he asks for, but if it's wrong, I don't care. 😐🙄

[11JB68]

Too literal, yes that sounds like uPDh. No matter how much I do it's not enough, and if one minor thing is off he takes it personally.

[1footouttadefog]

Oh yeah. I get it too. He'll say "I'll do it, just tell me what to do." Well, that's not doing it, is it? That's me standing over you, teaching you how to do it, because you are too lazy to do it yourself....

We had a huge blowout argument a week or so ago because I bought the wrong can of chili for his lunches and it shows that I "don't care" about how hard he works. So, I make his food every day, shop for it, get what he asks for, but if it's wrong, I don't care. 😐🙄

I get these fake offers of help also.  Not necessarily kitchen related but fake offers for various things when he has been called out for doing nothing.