He is still delusional

[AngelInTheMarble]

So I left a very long marriage almost 4 years ago.  We are not divorced because he has all the money and I am working two jobs to pay the bills but I am happy.  He ran into me at one of my jobs last night.  It was fine.  At first.  He has no control over me anymore. 
After a brief chat he left.  Then I looked up and there he was again.  And he says, "So are we still done, because I have been very patient with you".
What?  Are we still done?  Of course we are still done.  It has been years.  LET ME GO!
Just had to get that off of my chest.

[Penny Lane]

That is bizarre! Good for you for surviving that supremely awkward encounter.

[NumbLotus]

I could be wrong, but my reading is this.

He didn't "run into" you. He checked in on you.

He madecl pleasant conversation as a means to let your guard down. Gave you a "chance" to crack.

Walked away, giving you a chance to shout, "come back!"

You didn't. He came back and made a mildly threaning, gaslighting statement about how patient he's been.

Not good. Expect to hear from him again.

[Whatthehey]

 

I think NumbLotus is right.  Be careful.

[GettingOOTF]

I lived in the not-divorced limbo for years. I had all these ideas about how hard the divorce would be, how I had no power in the situation. I also thought I needed my exes permission to get a divorce and he said he'd refuse. Turns out I was wrong about everything. When you feel ready it would be worth speaking to a solicitor to find out where you really stand.

We'd been separated for years and I thought that the divorce wouldn't make much difference. I'd gone back to using my maiden name and had very little contact with him. I cannot tell you the weight they was lifted when the divorce was finally done. Such a sense of freedom. I hadn't realized how much still being married to him was weighing on me.

[Whatthehey]

GoodFollow - I was with my stbxOCPDh for 2 years before we married. And married for 33 before I walked.  I didn't see problems for a decade.  Yes there were warning signs but no more than any other couple.

My therapist explained that it is like being a frog in slowly heating water.

Be careful with assumptions.

[GettingOOTF]

This does not happen because "people get married too fast". PDs can take years to manifest, the abuse does not start straight away. Nowhere does she say they got married too fast and everyone has different circumstances.

AngelInTheMarble is doing the best she can under very difficult circumstances. Women are not to blame for marrying an abuser.

There are plenty of books, web articles and YouTube videos on how women end up in exactly the situation she is in. One of them she herself mentions - financial circumstances. There is not enough information to judge her and even if there was this isn't the forum for it.

AngelInTheMarble you are doing great! You are very strong, brave and resourceful. Many women never leave. You are building a life for yourself and things do get better.

[Whatthehey]

I see that the comment on staying in a marriage has been removed.  GoodFollow please don't hesitate to post again.  Learning and understanding are important and part of the process.

AngelInTheMarble - you inspire me to live a separate life; work two jobs and build a life of independence!

[bloomie]

Hi there. Just dropping into the thread to let those here know that GoodFollow's post was removed as it was cleverly worded spam. We are working diligently behind the scenes to keep our community and threads safe for one and all as spammers continue to develop covert ways to disrupt and create chaos. If you see a suspect type of post, something that seems out of place, please help us by reporting it for the team to review.

How heartening that you all weighed in and kindly responded to support AngelInTheMarble and each other.

And now back to the good discussion....