The Light At The End

[Kat54]

After 2 years of divorcing from my exNPDh, by the end of December we should be finished and the judge will sign off on the divorce!  In many ways I want to do the biggest happy dance, but then I also am extremely sad that I have a failed marriage under my belt and feel forever scarred by his cruelty and abusiveness to me and our kids.  Right now I would almost feel afraid of any new relationship for fear of falling back in with someone who is abusive.

Tomorrow I am signing the deed to our house to my ex so it can go to the bank, and the bank will set a closing date which my lawyer said I do not have to be present. A check for my portion of the house will come a couple days after the closing and then the judge will sign off on the divorce. 

Pretty much I came out with some $200,000 equity from the house and that's it, no maintenance and our kids are older so no child support. Took 2 years for that...crazy. But, he didn't touch any of my retirement which is huge. His current job he'll only be getting a small pension from when he retires in a couple years. His only equity will be the house which will have a $330,000 mortgage on it.

I came out way better than I thought, I'm happy, I'm in control of my own life, with no abuse and debt free. My kids will be in a way better place and hopefully my relationship with them will be good and get better.

Lastly, this board proved invaluable to my sanity. I had been in therapy for a couple years in trying to leave him but discontinued when my therapist retired. Between my siblings, my closest friends and this board I would of never been able to get through this terrible chapter in my life. I'm so happy I'll be moving on.

Will definitely check in to freely give advice from my experience if it can help anyone else out there going through an abusive relationship and divorce.

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you for sharing this.  I understand your mixed emotions.  But yes, you've made it to the other side, mostly in one piece. Congratulations for that.

[tommom]

Congratulations, Kat. You have been very brave. Good luck.

[Spygirl]

 

New adventures await. Congratulations on hard earned freedom and clarity.

[11JB68]

  congrats!!

And a few questions:
How much did the divorce process cost you?
Where you live is there an expectation that in a long marriage the spouse who makes more will pay support to the lower earning spouse?

[notrightinthehead]

Congratulations. I hope all will go as smoothly as possible. I so can relate to the sad feeling for having a failed marriage and the mixture of unpleasant feelings that come with processing the abuse within that marriage. How wise of you not to look for another relationship right now. Better you concentrate on your healing first.

[Whiteheron]

yay kat! congratulations!

[Kat54]

11JB68-  the divorce cost close to $15,000, though since my ex had dragged it out longer than it should of and was extremely uncooperative he had to pay me $2,000 for legal fees.
For maintenance in my state there is a formula they follow. According to the formula even though I made about $20,000 less than him I was not eligible for maintenance from him. And believe me I tried. He has a business where he's able to hide a lot of cash so they could only calculate the salary from his 9-5 job.  His business shows almost no profit from his tax statements.
My son runs his electrical business on the side. 
But I'm fine I got a big raise at my job so I'll get by.

[11JB68]

Thank you!

[mdana]

Congrats Kat!

I have followed parts of your journey on Out of the FOG and it feels good to know you are crossing over that long awaited threshold!  2 years is a long time.

I remember feeling great relief and joy, when that part of my life was truly "over" (we were separated for 1 year, then the divorce took another year). It finally became "real" --after 2 years.  That was a strange feeling!

Good to hear from you!
Take good care!
M

[Blackbird11]

I came out way better than I thought, I'm happy, I'm in control of my own life, with no abuse and debt free. My kids will be in a way better place and hopefully my relationship with them will be good and get better.

Wow Kat! Congratulations!!!

[Liftedfog]

I am so happy for you. It's so exhausting both mentally and financially. I'm down over 150,000 in legal fees.  Almost 7 years now and no end in sight.  I will never ever marry again.