Coworker help

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Findingstrength729

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Coworker help
« on: November 26, 2019, 08:34:37 PM »
Iím stuck in a toxic situation at work.   I need advice.   I am not sure where to start.   I work at a school.   My coworkerís child was in my class, mine in hers.   Long story short, my coteacher and I witnessed things and brought them to her attention that she didnít like.   Since then, things have gone down hill. Fast.  I donít typically mix personal and work by having my child in the school also. 

Hereís where it gets confusing and messy:   It has turned into a situation where the teachers in my childís class are nit picking, petty.   One called the state and accused me of something false (related to my child, not the ones I teach) and it embarrassed me.  They wonít speak to me.   They barely speak to my child.  They do treat my child differently. They smiled ear to ear when I had to get my child early.   Again, was yelled at about the accusations from the prior week. 

My child will go to a new school in January.   How do I express this is not OK., without burning bridges.   Some good medium chill, boundary setting conversation points.   

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Findingstrength729

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Re: Coworker help
« Reply #1 on: November 26, 2019, 08:35:57 PM »
Most importantly, how do I keep it going until the end of the school year.   While I am moving my child, I will stay to finish the year.

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clara

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Re: Coworker help
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2019, 02:03:02 PM »
Are these teachers somehow protected by a union, because making false accusations against you is pretty serious.  It's sad they're teachers, helping develop young minds, when their own seem pretty warped.  It's good you and  your child are both getting out of the school, and I think the best approach is to keep your eyes on that goal, and not let them trigger you.  Ignore them whenever possible, don't react, don't much talk with them except to be pleasant and even accommodating.  They likely expect you to go off on them, therefore justifying to themselves their treatment of you.  There are co-workers who will goad you into disastrous actions and then act innocent of all wrongdoing.  They want you to look bad, so don't give them any ammunition.  Why they're doing this is almost beside the point. Some people are just like this.  I think it has to do with deep down feelings of insecurity and even some self-hate.  They're acting out, and the focus of their actions are you and your daughter, which is why I suspect nothing you say will get through to them.  But that doesn't mean you shouldn't speak up against unfairness.  Keep it at the "just the facts" level, no emotion.  Explain yourself when necessary, to the minimum extent necessary, all the while being aware that they're looking for anything in your words to use against them.  If they bring up the accusations, simply say "and they're not true" and leave it at that.  You don't have to explain a lie--they do, but they want you to fall into the trap of taking ownership of their bad behavior.  Burning bridges is for PDs.  Don't stoop to their level. 

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Findingstrength729

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Re: Coworker help
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2019, 12:56:27 AM »
I have just continued to practice medium chill, be kind, firm/matter of fact when needed.   

Unfortunately, I live in a non-union state.   I did express myself to my boss in a professional manner, letting her know just how embarrassing the situation was and that it greatly impacted my trust with my daughterís teachers. It went as expected.