What I wish is sad but true.

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What I wish is sad but true.
« on: December 01, 2019, 07:47:54 PM »
Went out to dinner with some friends last night and we were discussing another friend’s father who has dementia. This particular father can’t be left alone for any length of time whatsoever.  I told a story of the first and only time I met this man and how I was able to interact with him and what great conversation we had.  I told him he reminded me of Anthony Hopkins with fascial hair.  He said “I DO know who that is”. We had a great conversation the few hours I was there, and I could feel sympathy for him.

Sis1, who was just visiting last week, called today unrelated to uNPDm.  Then brought up the fact that M memory is just getting worse, etc, after another phone call with her today. I brought up the fact that as bad as it sounds, I can’t wait for my mother’s dementia to kick in fully.  That I hope to be a stranger to her (much in the way that I was a stranger to that gentleman). Seems she is much nicer to strangers than she is her own daughters. Sis1 agrees and said she is use to being a meat shield for her friends so that their elderly parents behave in front of company, and she doesn’t hesitate to call them on their BS.  Evidently it is reciprocated by her friends as well. They’re like a “meat shield circle”. Lol.

Right now I feel anger at my mother for her words and actions/manipulations.  Maybe one day I’ll be able to feel sympathy for her as I did a total stranger. maybe one day she’ll treat me like a stranger and actually be nice to me.

I won’t ask you all if it’s bad to feel this way because my feelings are my feelings, but can anyone else relate?



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Re: What I wish is sad but true.
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2019, 08:22:17 PM »
Yes. My Nmom has advancing dementia and she has mellowed, actually becoming very sweet and childlike to me and others. It’s sad, but beats the hell out of her former rage-ful self and I am grateful.

And, yes, our feelings are valid. 💕
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen


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Re: What I wish is sad but true.
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2019, 12:57:35 PM »
Yes, I can relate. I always felt like my mom was nicer to strangers. I guess they have no demands or expectations on a stranger beyond the current setting they are in.  My mom has dementia now too, and I do find her a bit easier to be around but all the triggers are still present.