Flying Monkey attack

[Call Me Cordelia]

So DH's aunt who reached out to us out of the blue a couple of months ago just as suddenly went full-metal flying monkey in another e-mail to DH and me the day before Thanksgiving. She mistyped my e-mail address, so I wasn't aware of this until yesterday. Thankfully.  I was too busy hosting friends to check my email in any case.

There is no point in my replying. I tried kindness and boundaries with her and got the opposite in return. DH can say what he wants. I wrote an unsent letter over on the board for that. She demands we forgive everyone and be close to the whole family. That's what God expects. And we're hurting our children, too. Our "sweet children." Who she doesn't actually know, but she obviously gets to tell us what to do.  On this day of gratitude when she just came back from serving the poor, who know what a gift their families are so are they really poor? It's just so unfair and beyond entitled. I always got along fine with this aunt in the past. I used to think she was the only one in the family to whom I really could relate.

As always, my emotional response is much bigger than DH's. He says it's not really surprising, and he's right. But I ask him how he's feeling and he just says, "It's sad." Not even willing to go as far as to say, "I'm sad." He says that the email just makes him wish even more that we could reconcile and be a happy family. Hearing that just makes me feel even more alone.

[PeanutButter]

I cant imagine what makes someone be a flying monkey!
IME Even as they claim to be coming from a place of selflessness it is actually a very selfish stance! IMO its all about them and their relationship with the abusers not about you and your lack of a relationship. IME they are trying to control/manipulate you to try to get you to do what THEY want what will make them comfortable; NOT what is best or right as IME they always claim that it is the good and righteous and/or christian thing to do.
The nerve of the ones I have experienced even have their own abuse stories about the PD they are wanting you to make up with. Yes they know that this person can be hard to deal with but the way they are dealing with it is the right way. You are dealing with it the wrong way.
So YES! Your flying monkey aunt is entitled and even narcissistic imo.

[StayWithMe]

I cant imagine what makes someone be a flying monkey!

Some people think it's cool to be at the center of communication.

We always taught to put down people who gossip ......... usually by the people who make use of their gossip. 

[Call Me Cordelia]

Right on, PeanutButter. I even said in my unsent letter our FOC's well-being is obviously not her main concern, and I wouldn't comply to make other people comfortable.

[PeanutButter]

I cant imagine what makes someone be a flying monkey!

Some people think it's cool to be at the center of communication.

We always taught to put down people who gossip ......... usually by the people who make use of their gossip.

I hadnt thought of that. It may make them feel important and special?. Or even clever.

[StayWithMe]

My sister is like that.  When I say, If she said x about me, then you should tell her I said y about her.

she'll say she's not involved.  I tell her she is involved because she initiated the discussion.  I think she does pass it on.  It's just a lot cooler to be ambiguous about your moves.

[Call Me Cordelia]

I think there’s an element of truth in that it lets the FM feel valuable to the N. Champion of the family. I’ve been a flying monkey before. One thing it does get you is a reprieve from scapegoating.

DH’s aunts are the worst for gossip and backbiting amongst themselves.

[qcdlvl]

I'm soory this happened to you, Cordelia.

The nerve of the ones I have experienced even have their own abuse stories about the PD they are wanting you to make up with. Yes they know that this person can be hard to deal with but the way they are dealing with it is the right way. You are dealing with it the wrong way.
So YES! Your flying monkey aunt is entitled and even narcissistic imo.

"Just because you choose to put up with being abused doesn't mean I should make the same choice."