Forcing people to say what you want them to

[Writingthepain]

My NPD mom has a long history of forcing people to say what she wants them to say. To say they agree with her, to say shes right, to say they're sorry and it really was all their fault. It has never occurred to her that if you force someone to say something it doesn't mean they mean it, they're just saying that because you forced them to.
I've taken to pointing this out to her but she just looks shocked and confused. She doesn't get it.

[Ladymm]

Mine to. And to do what she wants too.

And when they do as she wants she says "but they were happy when they did as I adviced them to" or "she/he was thankful to me in the end".

Many times she turns things around and invents stuff or say she never said something. Sometimes she is just hysterical when you say what she doesnt want to hear.

It is obvious that people around her were just manipulated when they said or did what she wanted. I don't have to be manipulated, I learnt. I just sometimes try to stir away of confrontation because I dont want drama. Back in time I tried to fight with her but she is too pd to understand what is a different opinon. It feels more like a diplomatical cold war summit sometimes than a loving family meeting - the latter never was and never will be.

[Spring Butterfly]

It's baffling how some don't seem to understand control isn't love. Getting one's way through Fear Obligation Guilt isn't love, it's control.

[11JB68]

UOCPDH does this.
From what I've read I think it stems from lack of seeing us as separate individuals from themselves. I also see it as a form of using us as a proxy, and I see it as a form of coercive control.

[StayWithMe]

When it comes to that juncture n the conversation, excuse yourself from the room.  Return after a while and start a whole new conversation. 

Stop telling her how she upsets other people.  she will only do it more.

[jennsc85]

My mother has done this for all of my life!

"Apologize right now!"
"It doesn't sound like you meant it!"
"YOU SHOULD WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ME!"
"Say "Mom, I'm so sorry for stressing you out when you're in bad health. I love you and I'm sorry."
"No, not like that. Your tone is insincere."
"I'm not getting out of the car until you apologize."

These are all things I've heard thousands of times. I've never understood it. If someone apologizes to me I want it to come from them. I don't want to force them or orchestrate the whole thing. But for some reason, this is what my mother wants and if you can tell her something in exactly the right tone, she's all good with it. It's baffling to me.