People pleaser on Facebook

[Cascade]

Facebook causes me stress and not just in the typical ways. For instance, a friend of mine just invited me to like her child's business page and I feel like I have to like it, even if I don't want to. When people that I see regularly post things, I feel like I have to like or react to their posts. So I go on Facebook and then feel all theses obligations and I know it shouldn't be that way. Does this mean I am probably a people pleaser? I'm trying to take a break from it for a few weeks.

[bloomie]

Facebook causes me stress and not just in the typical ways. For instance, a friend of mine just invited me to like her child's business page and I feel like I have to like it, even if I don't want to. When people that I see regularly post things, I feel like I have to like or react to their posts. So I go on Facebook and then feel all theses obligations and I know it shouldn't be that way. Does this mean I am probably a people pleaser? I'm trying to take a break from it for a few weeks.

Cascade.. how smart to take a break from it! Whew! It sounds like it is angst producing. I am not a FB person any more. I had a profile for a few years and it was so painful with PD family members I deactivated my account. I do miss out on things that I would've liked to know - such as a grave turn in a friend's health I was unaware of for longer than I would've wanted to be, but I also miss out on all of these layered social demands, such as you describe here, that I honestly don't know if I am all that cut out for.

A couple of things that have been really helpful to me regarding "pleasing" is a book called: The Disease to Please by Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D., and learning about the enneagram which has helped me understand my natural view of the world and how that fits with the pleasing behaviors - a good intro book is: The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile if you are unfamiliar.

That inner work I do that questions the "agreements" I have made with myself or the false things I have believed and then breaks the agreement and tears down the false beliefs, is something I continue in and will likely have to manage the rest of my life. I am quick to respond and caring for others is as natural as breathing for me.

That said, learning to have healthy internal boundaries and work from my core values means being authentic in my interactions and engagements with others in any area of life. It means, for me, that I don't join a group that I do not want to join because someone wants me to. It also means managing the anxiety I may have that the person who wants something from me might be upset if I decline.

You are taking good healthy steps away from auto giving! Give yourself credit for the progress you are making!

[Cascade]

That said, learning to have healthy internal boundaries and work from my core values means being authentic in my interactions and engagements with others in any area of life. It means, for me, that I don't join a group that I do not want to join because someone wants me to. It also means managing the anxiety I may have that the person who wants something from me might be upset if I decline.
Thanks for your advice and encouragement. I need to work on this too. I hope taking a break will strengthen me in this area. I have read one of the books you mentioned, The Road Back to You but not the other one.

[1footouttadefog]

Facebook causes me stress and not just in the typical ways. For instance, a friend of mine just invited me to like her child's business page and I feel like I have to like it, even if I don't want to. When people that I see regularly post things, I feel like I have to like or react to their posts. So I go on Facebook and then feel all theses obligations and I know it shouldn't be that way. Does this mean I am probably a people pleaser? I'm trying to take a break from it for a few weeks.

All these things and more are why I quite Facebook years ago. 

I recently joined Facebook again in a new way.  I needed to have an account to participate in two club/hobby groups.  It was inconvenient for me to be needing separate updates and emails etc.  I gave in and created the new account but have no friends.i can see and participate in the group page but have no friends or pictures or about me stuff.

It's alot like being in this forum.

The interaction and content of posts are subject related conversations with no social pressure as before. 

[Cascade]

1foot, that's a good idea. I like facebook for my hobby groups too, that's one of the reasons why I wouldn't want to completely quit it.

[blacksheep7]

Facebook

I didn't close my account but hardly ever go on there anymore because of the Pd family members....their need for attention just blows me away.  I will not participate in inflating their big ego.

I check in once in a blue moon for pictures of my grandchildren, they are my only  reason.

Yes, I agree with hobby groups, that's good and useful.

[1footouttadefog]

It was so simple and I never thought of it until recently but it worked.  I made a new email account and a new Facebook account.  I check in and read hobby group posts and get no political or social crap.  There are advertiseme ts related to the interests .

I did try one group that was large and saw quickly it was all political and childish with YouTube like comments and simply quit the group. 

It's weird but having no friends on a social networking site optimizes it for me.  I have no posts from other people on my wall or what ever you call it, no pictures nothing. 

[Cascade]

I just thought of something, having no friends or family on Facebook makes it more like forums, which I've always been drawn to.

[GentleSoul]

I have my Face Book account set up as mentioned above.

Just for me to take part in my hobby and interested Closed Pages.  Works well for me.

I cannot be bothered with PD one-upmanship or fake happy family lies.

[1footouttadefog]

I just thought of something, having no friends or family on Facebook makes it more like forums, which I've always been drawn to.

Yes this.  Compartmentalized and no pd wierdness.