Just got triggered at work

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Serendipity12

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Just got triggered at work
« on: December 01, 2019, 06:20:29 AM »
Wow. This has probably happened to me a lot before I was fully OOTF and I just didnít realise that it was a Pd on a power trip triggering me. On a training session last week with an ill informed and quite obviously prejudiced trainer and mid afternoon realise that a piece of role play weíve just done was effectively a no-win situation in order to make them feel superior. But Iím so triggered that instead of challenging them eloquently and effectively, I find myself disappearing to the toilet at coffee break and becoming red and tearful, while a couple of co-workers sympathise. I did manage to articulate that I was angry to the (other) trainer later, and that despite them calling it a safe space for learning it didnít feel like that, but Iím so angry with myself for not getting it sooner and dealing with it more professionally! Feel like it is my career and professionalism that have suffered when it should have been theirs. Anyone relate? Strategies or suggestions? Feel so ineffectual!

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Ladymm

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Re: Just got triggered at work
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2019, 08:43:25 AM »
I would have had your same reaction. I don't know what to do when I have the feeling and there is also a big probability somebody tries to do something because they want to feel superior. I fear sometimes im exaggerati ng, but I dont think so in the end. I find the situation in itself so stupid and childish and abusive that I don't know what to do so I don't do anything. I hate the person who does it and I start to fantasize about quitting which I can't do in this very moment for financial reasons.

If it is an active situation where you can say no to a behaviour, then you can put a boundary. If someone is doing something to appear better to a boss or something similiar, then I don't know what to do, because its somehiw indirect and I have the feeling that even if I confront them this is who they are and maybe they ll stop for a while but then they will try again. I think some people are so scared for their chair that they do all kind of weird and immoral stuff. It hurts like hell to be involved in this. Maybe in addition you have an ineffective superior who you don't trust will handle all the eventual conflict,then its even worse.

I can relate to your situation, but can't maybe give you the right advice.
« Last Edit: December 01, 2019, 08:46:03 AM by Ladymm »
I can't decide if you wear me out or wear me well
I just feel like I'm condemned to wear someone else's hell

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clara

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Re: Just got triggered at work
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2019, 11:53:55 AM »
You DID deal with it, Serendipity,  just not in the timeframe you would've liked.  But, you've identified the problem, and now  you're aware of it and can prepare yourself for future interactions with the person.  The thing is, people like that tend not to change, especially if they're a PD.  They engage in the behavior because of their internal needs which really have nothing to do with the workplace or anywhere else they find themselves.  When I've encountered people like that at work--people who just wanted to make me look bad in order to make themselves look better (at least in their minds), what I did was either not respond to the behavior, or give myself a few seconds to slow down the internal triggering.  It's them, not you.  This is what they do and what they will likely always do.  Disengaging from them emotionally, seeing their disorder for what it is, hell, actually feeling sorry for them and how they have to go through life, were techniques I used to cope.  Minimal response.  If they insist on a response, a brisk, bland "okay!" often suffices.  Or, "I see!"  Not responding in ways they expect (and they know full well how to trigger you--they've probably pushed your buttons often enough to find out) is helpful as it throws them and disrupts the pattern.  I know it's nice to be able to immediately confront and effectively articulate your issues with the situation, but many of us don't have those skills for various reasons, so you have to work slowly and carefully up to that point. 

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Poison Ivy

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Re: Just got triggered at work
« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2019, 04:06:20 PM »
I have a new boss and I sometimes think she has a personality disorder. It is very stressful when she engages in questionable or inappropriate (to my mind) behaviors.  I have one coworker with whom I can talk about the situation.  So far, I've relied on sharing with her and on reminding myself as often as necessary to not let myself get dragged down by the boss. 

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Amadahy

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Re: Just got triggered at work
« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2019, 06:40:52 PM »
My work environment is a sh*tstorm of passive-aggressive, aggressive and other such fun folk. I get so frustrated that all I know to do is fly under the radar and not engage. Fortunately, work involves patient care, so I try to focus on doing my best there and leaving the rest, but it is stressful and triggering.  I think you did really well, but Iím sorry that happened! :hug:
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

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Serendipity12

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Re: Just got triggered at work
« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2019, 07:45:10 PM »
Thanks so much all of you for your wise words and for the extra sanity in this mad world!