Debating NC

[Whitesheep45]

I went NC with my UNBP f some years ago.. In fact with the whole family.
It was the loneliest place I was so bereft and orphaned, I was in my 30's then. Now age 46 I've been NC with Ubpd mother for 10yrs and my contact with f has lowered over time to a text or call every few mths ordinarily that comes from me and not him.
The family dynamics on my m side is that I am scapegoated and gas lighted.
I have lc with grandmother.
I'm doing some deep relational work with a psychologist and have felt some deep healing. Lately I'm moving through letting go of 'daddy' and seeing what I perseved was a bond isn't real.
The last time I called him he said 'maybe I'll call u next time'. I said great I'd like that (this hasnt happened since I put some boundaries in 2 yrs ago..
I received the call this wk end just gone but didn't answer, there has been 2 text messages since.
Having a relationship with this man is impossible.. The dynamics, blame, lack of respect, manipulation, bully tactics, nil empathy, self importance inflation ++ and lack of care.
Why do I stay I ask myself? Because cutting contact completely is so so painful and I don't want to not be at his funeral or indeed receive my inheritance money. Shallow I know.
Cutting contact feels like a loss not a win.
What feels better is to continue the low contact but not on me doing it mostly and not jumping straight the way if he calls. On my terms too.
Really changing the relationship and keeping contact v short and superficial.
This I feel I can manage...
As I have these short infrequent interactions I shall continue my healing and keep turning away from what isn't to what is... My quest for me.

[Starboard Song]

It sounds like you are self-aware and that this is not your first rodeo. I encourage you to continue this journey: well-managed VLC has categorical advantages over NC so long as it is real and not a chimera. NC risks collateral damage with other family members, it strains every funeral and wedding for ever, and -- yes -- can cost one an inheritance. It isn't shallow to list that among the damages.

But VLC doesn't always work. It isn't always manageable or achievable. Just keep pausing from time to time to ask yourself whether VLC is working: are you safe, are you free from abuse, are you able to thrive?

[Blueberry Pancakes]

It sounds like you have a clear sight line where your boundaries are.  You also know what you feel is manageable and are willing to turn away if it becomes toxic. Those are two great things. Wanting to remain in contact to be present at a funeral or to receive an inheritance are very real aspects we face  when deciding LC or NC. I am VLC with my parents for the same reasons. I am so sad that any parent acts in ways that put their kid in such a tough spot. I do believe the key is to make sure contact does not detract from your well being or quality of life. 
If you want your dad to call but do not always feel like talking when he does, it is alright to let it go and call back when you can. The same with the texts. You do not need to reply on your dad's timeline. If he gets mad (my dad does), you still do not have to alter your boundaries.  Although the burden falls on us when we are the ones initiating the contact, it also is done within our parameters, not our parent's. Just keep doing what you are doing within what makes you feel safe.

[lotusblume]

Whitesheep, check out this new channel I found. The guy is so wise and talks about scapegoating and his experience. It may help, it has helped me enormously.

His name is Battle Born Again. (YouTube)

[Whitesheep45]

Thank u all your replies are v valuable to me