trying not to contact...

[PeanutButter]

I know you probably have read it but from the toolbox what not to do
Heres the link but i copied the main points I thought relevant to where you are now.
https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/no-contact
"Going "No Contact" means cutting off all forms of correspondence, communication and personal contact with a person who suffers from a personality disorder in order to protect yourself from recurring abuse."
"If you are experiencing recurring abuse as an adult you need to take responsibility that you may be 'enabling' or 'allowing' the abuse to recur to some extent. If the person with the personality disorder doesn't have the self control or capacity to stop abusing you, the only way to make it stop is to go NC. If you have grown up as a child of a personality disordered individual, it may always have been that way and that may have become a way of life for you. You may not realize that you have to make the choice to not be abused."
IME you will not move forward until you let go.
"Going No Contact is often a painful decision to make - as you may have to let go of the persistent hope that a loved-one will get "better"."

[oldboy]

a lot of good responses here -
i am at an odd point in this process. for a short time i need the old phone to tell my contacts abut the new phone - makng progress on that. i haven't told her about the new phone (and i won't) but i'm sure she suspects i've committed that 'treasonous' act.
the last phone call was a week ago and was so foul that i'm glad to keep it as our last interaction - the shrill sound of her rage is in no way attractive. my emotions about all this have changed since then - i'm not mourning 'losing' her anymore, and each day less of my time is wasted on my habit of thinking how i could help her or salvage anything worthwhile from the last 7 years of my life. i think i'm getting there on taking my 'heart' back - no violins play in the background now.
the hardest thing for me now is the empty boredom of my life. i am moderatey handicapped (severe concussion back in 2001), and i'm semi-retired or rather self-underemployed and i've moved to a state where my only friends are new - no one close, no one here really knows me yet. i had been depending on her for simple company and companionship, which she is perfectly terrible at giving. so there are huge gaps that i've been filling by doing things like going downtown and playing my guitar on the sidewalk for passersby - i get lots of smiles and 'thank you's - i'm a good player, i had over 1000 gigs before the concussion. but it's winter now and i'll have to wait quite a while before i can do that again.
so i write to old friends, i write here, and i read about NPD, BPD, etc. it is amazing how similar and unoriginal the tricks and games are. but there are hours still that are empty and i'm slow to fill them. i'm glad that she was/is my only addiction (that i'm aware of) because i would fall down pretty much any rabbit hole at this point.

so yes, i know i need NC to get fully free. though her attempts to contact have started to fade, some days she's still the only person who tries to reach me at all. i don't think i have what it takes anymore to find and keep the partner i need ( i am physically damaged ), and i'm looking at growing old and dying alone. better that than being with her, but still not good at all. but i'll keep doing what i can and i'll keep my eyes and ears open.

[D.Dan]

While I was lurking on this forum before registering, another poster had put a link to this YouTube video.

How to be alone

https://youtu.be/k7X7sZzSXYs

I believe it's just a poem but it's beautiful and has a lot of good ideas. 

[BeautifulCrazy]

Take the SIM card out of your old phone.
Put it in the new one for a few minutes and save your contact list from the SIM card to your new device. Then put the old SIM card back in the old phone and throw it in a river. Dont forget to DELETE any and all of YOUR NARC'S CONTACT INFO from the old phone first.

[BeautifulCrazy]

You can also share or send your contact list from old phone to new one. (If you have wifi or data plan.)

[Dear Abby]

I've often thought about how tough that would be to move somewhere far where you don't know anybody.  It can take so long to cultivate lasting friendships -- weeks and months of time together to form those bonds. I did do such a move a few years back and can vouch for the gym as a good start, like she sings about in the youtube video above. In classes I met a cool woman who I looked forward to seeing all the time and we made plans outside of gym class.  Good place to spend a few hours plus some hard running or cycling got my endorphins pinging which brings with it the feel goods. The steam room or sauna flushed the toxicity out.

I also felt lonely when my NPDspath went to prison and the stalking left with him.  Those years of agony had taken up all my time and energy and when it ended there was a big void although for a while the relief was a reward in itself.  Then my bestie moved away... Idk I've always enjoyed my own company so for me to feel lonely takes a lot.  I remember during that time I had moved I spent four 1/2  months totally alone before I felt squirelly enough to do something about it and I visited friends back in my former city. That was enough to spur me into action at the new city and I got a part time sales job that took my focus in a good direction (making money).

It's really in the way you choose to perceive it. Embracing being on your own can be a really good thing, especially as you say compared to the sh*t relationship you endured. Growing old and being alone will be fine -- because you'll already be used to it. I do all those things the youtuber sings about, for quite a while now because it was too dangerous to be with friends as they would get stalked and harassed as well. Plus my attitude was not fun to put onto others.

I had started doing the same boring sh*t over and over, hoping the stalk trio and the cyberbully crowd the NPDspath bought on the internet, would get bored of me.  I didn't participate in the things I used to do and liked to do for soo long it became a new way of life. Makes me shudder  -- anyway I am getting back to she who is me and if you can remember what you used to do before you met her maybe you can try those things again.

For sure I can relate to where you are and hang in there old boy! Even when I don't believe it, just like everyone says on here it does get better with time. I also took action to break obsessive thinking like when I would start to ruminate on the ex I immediately replaced the thought with something contrary and pleasant. Maybe some folks on here have examples of how they did that.