My surrogate Mom died last night. A loving tribute to her.

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PinkFreud

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My surrogate Mom died last night. A loving tribute to her.
« on: December 05, 2019, 06:50:11 AM »
I haven't been active here in a while, but I wanted to tell y'all that the woman who has been my defacto Mom died last night. She started off as my next door neighbor 20 years ago. When my uBPD mother went NC with me and DH 2+ years ago, she stepped in and became Mom! This was so sudden! She had a skin cancer lesion that she had hidden from everyone, until it was waaaaay too late. The cancer had metastasized everywhere. 😢 Part of me wants to strangle her!!! I just don't know what we're all gonna do without her 😭 She left 2 daughters, 3 granddaughters, and her 2 adult children (us). She was my "ride or die" and always was up for helping to critique (bitch about) uBPD mom & sympathize with the shit she'd done to us. I love her and will miss her so much!!!

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SunnyMeadow

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Re: My surrogate Mom died last night. A loving tribute to her.
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2019, 12:01:51 PM »
She sounds like a true gem, a very special woman! I'm so sorry for the pain and deep loss of her passing.

A good reminder for all of us to not ignore any significant change in our body even a skin lesion.

Hugs to you PinkFreud.

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Bloomie

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Re: My surrogate Mom died last night. A loving tribute to her.
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2019, 12:41:40 PM »
Oh so hard! What a validating and healing relationship this has been for your family. She has left a beautiful legacy of love with you and your dear family! Thoughts are with you as you move through this loss! :hug:
"If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow." Dr. Caroline Leaf

Bloomie 🌸

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practical

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Re: My surrogate Mom died last night. A loving tribute to her.
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2019, 04:29:05 PM »
So sorry for your loss :bighug: What a wonderfu gift to experience unconditional love and validation from her.
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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Amadahy

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Re: My surrogate Mom died last night. A loving tribute to her.
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2019, 10:37:01 PM »
Im so sorry, P! Sending peace and sincere condolences. Chosen family is a treasure. :hug:
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

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PinkFreud

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Re: My surrogate Mom died last night. A loving tribute to her.
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2019, 05:54:57 AM »
I thank each and every one of you for your kind words and thoughts! This has been so hard on so many people. I really don't think that she knew how important she was to so many, and how much she was loved!

I think DH and I have inherited her 2 daughters and their kids. We are working hard on planning a Christmas Eve with them, and thanks to Amazon (love it or hate it) I've got gifts for all on the way. One of her two lifelong friends since childhood has reached out, and she and I have been talking and texting every couple of nights.

Her funeral is Wednesday morning at 10 am. It will be just a simple service, followed by entombment in the family tomb. That's how they roll.

Since all this unexpected tragedy came up, I haven't even thought about uBPD bio-mom, which is a blessing!!!

Thank y'all again for your kindness!  :yourock:

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practical

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Re: My surrogate Mom died last night. A loving tribute to her.
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2019, 12:58:23 PM »
Since all this unexpected tragedy came up, I haven't even thought about uBPD bio-mom, which is a blessing!!!
Think about this sentence - the world (neither hers nor yours) didn't fall apart by you being absent, by you not thinking of her, taking care of her in any way. She is more than likely okay, which isn't the same as her not gilt tripping you, complaining or talking about some drama. Maybe this is one more Gift from your Surrogate Mom, seeing how far you can step away and out.

Take care of yourself.
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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PinkFreud

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Re: My surrogate Mom died last night. A loving tribute to her.
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2019, 03:14:06 AM »
We buried (entombed) her this morning. It was a small service, but so many tears from those who were there and loved her so much. I guess that's how you know that it was a life well-lived, and the very important role that one played in other's lives.

Practical, I agree with you that this was a final gift to me, from my chosen Mom, who also chose me! After something like this, I just have no more patience for unnecessary, foolish drama.