Am I in the right place?

[EternalHippo]

Hello community,

I discovered this forum and it has opened up a lot for me.  I have discovered that I have been living in the FOG given that I grew up with emotional neglect which I am now discovering through a lot of self-work this year.  I suspect that my DH has also been living in the FOG and as I step Out of the FOG, I hope for the same for my DH and therein lies my current strife. 

My BIL recently passed away and his passing has been extremely difficult for all involved.  My experience with my parent-ILs has been a challenge as I suspect they fall along the continuum of NPD although it is U.  Even in this time of grief and pain, I notice how they manage to make the FOG grow and revolve around themselves without regard to how it is impacting others. 

Since my DH is in the FOG, his experience of their behavior is very different from my own.  Right now I am questioning so many things and am feeling stuck.  I have the support of friends and a therapist but am afraid because I can't see a light at the end of this tunnel of stress and grief.

I have learned a lot reading through this forum and hope to continue to grow as I do self-work.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group eternal hippo.

i'm sorry you are in this place in your life/ relationship but  i'm glad to know you already have a support network in place IRL for the challenges that you and your DH are going through with the death of your BIL.    it is not uncommon for a death in the family to bring PD/ uPD to a head and the events have probably made it even foggier for your H because of the grieving process.

i experienced PD with my family, my ex and we think the death of my FIL brought my MIL's issues to a head as he had been accommodating/ enabling her for years  and doing the damage control for her with my DH and his siblings.  i'm glad the readings have helped.  the best thing i can say is to keep talking about it, keep reading and keep posting.  take baby steps.  do things to be kind to yourself (during the first couple years being able to say  NO to MIL was key for me and husband to keep our relationship together as she expected him to drop everything and rescue her for the first couple of years after his dad passed).

hope to hear more from you soon.

[GentleSoul]

Welcome, sorry for what brings you here but glad you are reaching out for support.  I have found this site a life changer.

[EternalHippo]

Thank you for the words of encouragement.  I am experiencing my own grief over the passing of my BIL as well as the stress of setting boundaries which I know my ILs do not understand (and thus make my DH feel bad about because they don't have the same "control" over me).  I appreciate the reminder that this will be a process.  Right now I am simply exhausted and wish my DH didn't feel like he needed to do so much to prop up his parents over this situation. 

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

Best wishes

Guitarman