First Time Ever openly discussing this

[freedom77]

Hello everyone...
I found this website the other day and I think it's going to be very helpful for me. I'm almost 43 years old, the daughter of a BPD mother with narcissistic traits. My mother was formally diagnosed with  BPD back in the early 90s when I was a young teen. I vividly recall her leaving the behavioral health center's office with a confident smirk on her face as she disdainfully dismissed this "allegation", as she saw it. At the time, being about 13-14 yrs old, I didn't really know what anything of that meant, but I knew she and her own mother treated me terribly. She went to that appointment to get medication for her anxiety issues, but came out with additional diagnoses she has NEVER admitted to having and has ALWAYS refused treatment for. If I remind her of this, I am "crazy" a "liar", and no such thing ever occurred. There have been other appointments over the  years where practitioners have ALSO diagnosed her with BPD, but she will immediately criticize their knowledge base, training, etc and will find a new provider.
Anyway, after 43 years of abuse, with a few years here and there of NC, I've found myself growing ever more weary, and considering going NC again, permanently this time. Not without a few caveats though...which I'll post in other threads so I don't take up too much room here with my intro.
I'm SO GLAD I found this website. All of it ties right in with what I'm going through. And lately...I"ve been sooooo tired. I no longer have the resiliency of youth to help me bounce back. I guess I'm feeling the adage..."I'm too old for this shit..." I'm sick of waking up to my cell phone blown up with 25 text messages, containing middle of the night rants toward me, bashing me, my daily reminders of what a piece of shit I am. But even more so...I'm worried about my daughter who is nearing her 10th bday and how my mother is changing toward her, and how disgustingly unhealthy all of this is. So I'm devising a plan of escape. I call it Operation: Escape from Witch Mountain. I'm considering a cross country move of nearly 3000 miles, and going NC. More on that later I guess.
Anyway I'm grateful I found this website, and grateful to all of you who share. I feel better knowing I'm not alone, and so many of your experiences mirror my own.

[Starboard Song]

I no longer have the resiliency of youth to help me bounce back. I guess I'm feeling the adage..."I'm too old for this shit..." I'm sick of waking up to my cell phone blown up with 25 text messages, containing middle of the night rants toward me, bashing me, my daily reminders of what a piece of shit I am.

But even more so...I'm worried about my daughter who is nearing her 10th bday and how my mother is changing toward her, and how disgustingly unhealthy all of this is. So I'm devising a plan of escape.

Welcome to Out of the FOG. You are doing so much right! And you already know so much! We are 4 years NC with my in-laws. They rejected us and delivered their last Silent Treat. Key factors for us were similar to you: we were weary of the cycle, and our DS was getting old enough to begin to face similar issues from them. We went NC, destroying the relationship between our son and his grandparents, as an act of strength. It has given my wife a space to thrive, and we are presenting for our son a role model of strength. I share this with you by way of saying you are not alone. And whatever decisions you make, steps you take to protect yourself are an expression of love and morality.

I am so glad you are here, planning improvements for yourself and daughter. Since you are talking about a major geographical move and calling it an "escape", please be aware of our Emergencies page. And our Toolbox is a great place to start. There are so many options, and methods, and tactics.

But whatever you decide to do with your relationship and the escape, please also take time to work on you: there is likely some healing to be done. Everyone here will have their favorites, and things that didn't work at all. The first line of my sginature is all the resources that most helped me and my wife.

Be good. Be strong.

[freedom77]

Hello Starboard Song
Thank you so much for the reply.
Yes I am planning an escape from my longest running abusive relationship ever...and it has to be done clandestine because I know all too well just what a destructive force my BPD mother can be. And she stops at nothing, her rage is like every evil Disney villain combined. Years ago she didn't approve me actually enjoying myself in life after having gone NC with her when I was in my early 20s (oh gawd how I wish I'd stayed that way. So many years of abuse I could have spared myself. Talk about regret).

Anyway, she just could not STAND IT. She happened to see me out one day with friends, I was laughing, free, HAPPY. And it ate a hole right through her. Soooo....she broke into my apartment and trashed it, just like she used to do to my bedroom when I was a trapped child. She also called HR at my job and told them I was a prostitute among other things. She tried so hard to get me fired.

So I'm keenly aware of what lengths she can go. If she catches wind that I may move thousands of miles away with DD, and go NC, there is no telling how explosive her reaction may be.

For the 1st almost 10 years of my DD life she was mother's GC, but as DD's body and mind are beginning to change from a little girl to a tween girl, mother is ever so slowly becoming more critical and unforgiving toward DD, possibly changing her from a GC to SG. I was always a SC with her.

I realize how destructive and unhealthy all of this is, and my plans of escaping at the end of this summer brings a glimmer of hopeful light into this dark cavernous place where I've become spiritually hobbled. And I don't want my daughter's psyche being forever damaged. Just having my DD witness the mistreatment of me is bad enough, but I don't want my mother's sickness infiltrating her existence too.

Thank you again for the resources and message of HOPE.