Pushing through

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tob-ler-one

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Pushing through
« on: December 11, 2019, 11:24:11 AM »
I still live in our family home.

I actually can't afford to live here right now. But I can't even begin to think about selling; it's terrifying to me. My mother was so bad with money. In a way, she used it to control me and she taught me absolutely zip about money management or even how to organise basic repairs. It was always "it's my money, it's my house, I'm the adult" blah blah.

My "being better at life" goal is just to try to push through every day, with the hope that either I find a much better job or someone may want to buy this house from me. I was so ill-prepared to inherit. She didn't care. She acted like she just didn't care. For whatever reason, she piled the pressure on me.

I've been told that I've come a long way from where I was, but it doesn't feel like that.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Pushing through
« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2019, 07:45:48 AM »
It sounds like you are at a place in life with many decisions to make and not as much clarity about what to do to meet your goals.

I am assuming you just lost a parent with whom you had a complex/complicated relationship with. 

This must be alot to deal with at once.  Surviving one day at a time is some times quite enough.  Be kind to your self.

Be sure to practice some self care.  You need strength to get to the next chapter in life so do self nurturing things so you can heal holistically .

I find it useful at difficult times to get pads of paper and to brainstorm about what needs done and make big picture list of what needs done to get to the next point then to break chunks of progress/projects down into smaller bits that can be realistically accomplished.

I also try to examine my feelings about these tasks to identify the emotional log jams that are holding me back from tackling things.  Some times I can overcome feelings of being overwhelmed that are causing me to delay progress and focus on a particular part of the overall that is an issue or is triggering  for me and solve or target that part head on and then things get going as if I removed a branch that was causing a log jam. 


I hope you soon  find your self on a path to progress toward your goals and toward your best possible life and happiness.

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tob-ler-one

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Re: Pushing through
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2019, 02:09:54 PM »
I am assuming you just lost a parent with whom you had a complex/complicated relationship with. 

This must be alot to deal with at once.  Surviving one day at a time is some times quite enough.  Be kind to your self.

Be sure to practice some self care.

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it.

No, my mother died some time ago. The problems I am now dealing with are a result of my own naivety, stupidity and years of infantilisation/parentification by her and no sound advice from anyone else. I don't feel like I can be kind to myself. I've messed up too badly. It all feels so unfixable. Like I'm the worst, stupidest person in the world. I feel dreadful right now, like it was all a big mistake.

I am trying to take things day by day, hour by hour. But I know it's all going to come crashing down.

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Andeza

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Re: Pushing through
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2019, 02:19:47 PM »
It's not unfixable! I promise. You're not a horrible person! The people in your life that were supposed to teach you these life skills, necessary skills, failed you.

The best help I can offer you is to look up Dave Ramsey on Youtube and maybe read "The Total Money Makeover." We sold our house, paid off all our debts, and started living well within our means thanks to him.

You don't have to use his program, but it's my favorite, because it just makes so much sense.

You can do this! You just have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired! :bigwink:

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tob-ler-one

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Re: Pushing through
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2019, 02:51:58 PM »
It's not unfixable! I promise. You're not a horrible person! The people in your life that were supposed to teach you these life skills, necessary skills, failed you.

The best help I can offer you is to look up Dave Ramsey on Youtube and maybe read "The Total Money Makeover." We sold our house, paid off all our debts, and started living well within our means thanks to him.

You don't have to use his program, but it's my favorite, because it just makes so much sense.

You can do this! You just have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired! :bigwink:

Thanks Andeza :)

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Pushing through
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2020, 04:37:34 PM »
So then you must parent and raise yourself now.  Take a deep breath and work it in small chunks. 

When I became a parent it was on the job training.  I know that I had to feed and keep the baby warm and clean and as happy as possible.  At first I forgave myself it at night nothing else was done.  As weeks went by I was able to get more and more done while parenting the baby.  Partly because I was healing from birthing and also because I was learning. 

Small steps and self care