So confused

[Roza]

I am confused, my nsis smear campaigned me at a family party, I grey rocked her. The family members wanted to know what I was going to do to get the family (nsis) to be ok for the season.  Nsis hurt me bcz she didn't like boundaries and  said that I was changing and that I was the narc. So I am supposed to apologize? Bcz if I don't than I am the problem ot I am the crazy one. I have to admit I had a really great Christmas eve without any drama. So nsis is the instigator and I have to reconcile? I walk on eggshells and I can't be myself anytime nsis is around.  She was nmom's GC and she took over for her. But I have learned so much and I don't need the nsis in my life. She is all about herself and she has the devil eyes. I am taking care of me,  myself and I  now. I deserve to have a life without nsis.

[Sunflower_Rising]

Hi, Roza. I'm so sorry for what you've been experiencing with your sister. No one deserves that kind of treatment. But, if I may say, the thing that stuck out to me about your post was the disconnect between the title and the message content. You don't seem confused at all. You seem to know exactly what you need, and what you have to do to accomplish it. I wish you luck and hope that you find what you're looking for.

[Roza]

I guess I am torn, my feelings are so conflicting.  They hurt me, but why should I be the one to apologize? I was so used to apologizing that I guess I was going to do it again. But with all that I have learned recently I am not going to approach them. They hurt me so how can they smear campaign me making me look crazy? So confusing...so my nsis told other family members that I have been giving her the silent treatment,  and that makes me the narc. Both my siblings attacked me and told me that I was changing and that I am like out nmom. So bcz I was taking care of me for once, this makes me the narc? After the attack they were telling me that I need professional help and that they would be there for me to get through this.  That was 4.5 months ago and neither of them said boo. But now at the family party the smear campaigning is in full swing.

[PeanutButter]

Hi roza. Great job using grey rock at the family party!
My opinion on the family members asking you to fix it so narcsis is ok for the season is that is nonsensical
What would you be  apologising for?
"Narc Sis: I apologise for finally seeing you as you truly are without your mask. I apologise for protecting myself from the devil in your eyes! And finially I apologise for cutting you off of the never ending supply you were getting from me!, NOT!!"
HAHA
But seriously, I know it is painful but ime it is progress you are making each time you recognise these manipulations for what they are and refuse to abandon yourself to the abusers' whims. You are NOT obligated to have a relationship with anyone. You deserve to have a life without abuse even if that means your sister wont be in it. She is making the choice to continue trying to abuse you. So she is choosing to not be in your life IMO.

[PeanutButter]

Also if i remember correctly (i hope i do) narc sis often uses silent treatment against you. So she is classic projecting in her smear campaign by telling that you are silent treatmenting her.
Take a deep breath.
IME Roza, you are not being narccississtic! IME You are not being 'like your mother'. She set this system up with you and your sisters a very long time ago. You are breaking out of and breaking up the system. Your sisters seems to be very uncomfortable with any changes to that system. That is what they are protesting.IMO
They are probably not capable of validating the hurt that has been done to you. IMO you will not be able to depend on them. But you dont need them. You can do this. Youve got all of us here in this community! You have yourself. You are strong. You have your foc. They love you!

[Roza]

Thank you, I really like the apology... That is exactly how it would work.  Thank you for being here....