Trying to escape a cult

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Profisher

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Trying to escape a cult
« on: December 19, 2019, 10:41:11 AM »
My friend recently convinced me to join Amway. He told me about the Mentorship and friends he met, and me just coming out of an abusive marriage that sounded very appealing. I met with his mentor and they told me everything I needed to hear. How valuable I was, how it was a family, and how I would be guided In life and business. All sounded great at the time. Fast forward a month later. Bunch of red flags started popping up. My Mentor was bothered or annoyed by my problems in my divorce. Told me everyone had problems. He makes me feel I am worthless if I don't perform. The higher-ups put success in your face and will not associate with you if you are just starting out. My friend in my business is trying to talk me into moving away from my family so I can be closer to the team when I don't even know if I can afford to. He was trying to tell me how I could quit my job and get a new one and told me my family is a bad influence on me. I'm literally going crazy in my head and don't know what to believe. I want out, but I don't know how to leave.  When I try to tell my Mentor how I feel, he gaslights me and gets in my head. I don't need this. Do I ghost? Or just be honest and firm and hope I don't get brain washed more!

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Crushed_Dad

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Re: Trying to escape a cult
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2019, 11:05:23 AM »
ghost it.

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Adria

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Re: Trying to escape a cult
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2019, 11:27:59 AM »
Tell him, you decided it's not the right time for you as you are dealing with other things, but thank you so much. Then ghost.

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Starboard Song

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Re: Trying to escape a cult
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2019, 03:00:51 PM »
I want out, but I don't know how to leave.  When I try to tell my Mentor how I feel, he gaslights me and gets in my head. I don't need this. Do I ghost? Or just be honest and firm and hope I don't get brain washed more!

Don't tell him how you feel: announce your decision and end the conversation.

You've been involved with this organization less than 3 months, if I follow your welcome mat post correctly. A business associate ought not have this kind of ability to "gaslight" you, brainwash you, and "get inside" your head in only a few weeks. But I believe you: you are vulnerable right now and this one does. Because he does, please make sure you are getting assistance and support from someone you know IRL, to discuss this and other matters, to guide your decision-making and to bolster your resolve. It can be someone in your FOC whom you lean on for guidance, or it can be a professional counselor or religious leader.

Online forums like this one are great, and you are safe here. But real life support can sometimes be essential.

Whatever works best for you, please please please obtain direct, real life support so that you can focus with confidence on healing and peace for yourself.
« Last Edit: December 19, 2019, 03:25:06 PM by Starboard Song »
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward

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moglow

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Re: Trying to escape a cult
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2019, 06:08:16 PM »
Yeah, What he said^^

Not sure I agree with the "cult" observation, but I will offer a reminder of Eleanor Roosevelt: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

If a month in you're sensing a lot of red flags or even yellow flags, maybe you need to listen. Amway like everyone else is in it for the money. They're going to guide and encourage more sales, but if you're feeling unduly pressured step back. Step WAY back if you feel the need. You dont have to give anyone lengthy explanations and honestly probably the less said, the better. Remember it's voluntary, not mandatory.
“Nothing exposes our true self more than how we treat each other in the home.”  ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

Stop Stinkin' Thinkin'!

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Andeza

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Re: Trying to escape a cult
« Reply #5 on: December 20, 2019, 05:04:16 AM »
You've got a lot of great responses here, so I just want to offer up my experience with these multilevel marketing (can you say pyramid scheme?) types in the hope it is useful.

They tried to get dh and I a few years ago. They are persistent, incredibly intelligent, convincing, and yet... I freaking hate sales. So I told hubby no. When we explained to the gentleman we didn't feel it was the right opportunity for us but thank you anyway, he attempted to belittle us and basically told us we'd never get ahead in life. Essentially, he tried to guilt us into joining anyway. We ghosted.  :ninja: One of our better moments and decisions. In our situation it even meant going to a different church.

When people tell you that you'll never succeed in life without them, without their help or guidance... It's a big red flag for me. In essence, they've just told me I'm not smart enough to lead my own life. Not a great selling point.  :no:

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clara

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Re: Trying to escape a cult
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2019, 12:39:05 PM »
Cut your losses and walk away.  My NPDexh got us involved in an Amway "knockoff" when we were first married, because he was always looking for an easy way to make money and the recruiter pushed all his buttons, but it was rotten from the get-go and I could see it, but he couldn't.  So we invested more money than we could afford because we had a joint checking account and he wrote the check against my advice, and then were left hanging.  The "mentor" basically said we were on our own from then on, and essentially disappeared (taking his nice, new "house" apparently with him since the house where he recruited us was obviously not his).  Since it involved real products made by a real company, it wasn't illegal, didn't give off the stench of a pyramid scheme, but that's essentially what it was.  "Vice" has some good episodes on youtube about these companies and how they work and how they keep people involved when they try to pull out (and how they can ruin people who remain).  It's the old thing about how if something is too good to be true, it usually is.

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TriedTooHard

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Re: Trying to escape a cult
« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2019, 03:33:34 PM »
You got some great advice here but if you're interested in learning more about cults, brainwashing, and mind control, Steven Hassan on Youtube is pretty good.  He was in a cult, so he's understanding of people who get caught up in all these different kind of groups.
https://www.youtube.com/user/cultcast

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bgirl12

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Re: Trying to escape a cult
« Reply #8 on: December 20, 2019, 10:32:27 PM »
Ghost. Change your number. Run like the wind.