A victory for my sanity

[Jorainbow]

I just wanted to share something positive that is making my journey out of my fog easier. For months my stbexh convinced me I was mad about his lies and infidelity. He even made up a story at our counselling session when I found messages from a woman by having a mobile phone and calling his own phone in the session to convince the counsellor he was doing it to prove I was obsessed with his phone. He left on Friday and when clearing out the drawers I found his old phone which he only changed last week. From somewhere I got the inspiration after all these months to put his name as his password and it unlocked. What I found wasn't easy to stomach but the first emotion I had was relief. I knew I was right. I wasn't mad. It wasn't me. This was closely followed by tears because someone who stood in front of me last week professing his love and buying me Xmas presents could actually do that. It's been a rollercoaster since but I know I will get through this and though it won't be easy, I'm glad my inspiration or whatever it was led me to this place. I haven't confronted him yet and to be honest I might not. I have my power back.   

[notrightinthehead]

It must be such a relief for you to have confirmation that it is not you! You were never crazy. You knew!

[looloo]

In a way, could you have asked for a more perfect "gift"?  You had a flash of intense insight I think by trying his name as the password (and honestly, with N's, the jokes write themselves sometimes—using one's OWN NAME as their password 😆), and as painful as it must have been, the truth revealed itself.

Will you be seeing your counselor again, by yourself?  Maybe it would be useful for him/her to get an update on what happened, since they were also in the position of witnessing your ex's performance.

Anyway, I hope you have a lovely holiday, and a fabulous New Year

[NumbLotus]

Does it strike anyone as odd that he left his phone like that?

[Whiteheron]

IMO he wanted to get caught. My stbx left a notebook out on an end table in the heavily used family room, knowing I would pick it up as I was cleaning and look at it to determine which of his piles it belonged in (work or house stuff). I had let it sit there for three weeks, dusting around it before I got fed up and moved it. In it, he described his feelings and debating whether or not to throw away 20 years of marriage, destroy two families (ours and hers) because of how she made him feel about himself (gag). It was all laid out...and left out where one of the kids could have seen it. I can only assume he wanted to be caught.

[Jorainbow]

Thanks for you positive words! Have to say today hadn't been easy as it's sunk in but I will get through it.  I feel like everything positive was a lie now. I'm not sure if he wanted to get caught as it was in a drawer with clothes but stupid that he didn't wipe all the messages

[Whiteheron]

My stbx did the same - after I found the journal I didn't say a word. He would leave his phone laying around - same password as he always used. So I checked. He hadn't thought to change it - or to delete any of the emails or texts. For such a smart man, this was completely out of character. Maybe he thought he was so smart that he could get away with it...or I was too dumb to figure it out (it was painfully obvious). When I told him I had known since a certain month, he was visibly surprised before he recovered and acted like I was wrong.