Angry on weekends

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Cascade

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Angry on weekends
« on: December 22, 2019, 06:21:15 PM »
What is it about weekends and days off that makes it so much more likely for my husband to get angry with me over some dumb little thing? Sometimes I don't even know why he is angry and after years of this behaviour I'm very sick of it. Is it just because he's simply bored? Is it because he needs to come up with an excuse to distance himself from me? Is it just because he needs to create drama? He has some time off work coming up that I am really dreading for this very reason. Has anyone else seen this in their relationship?

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SparkStillLit

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2019, 09:08:15 PM »
YES! ABSOLUTELY!  I do not know the reasoning behind it, but you are most certainly not alone in dealing with that.
It kind of ties into the whole holiday thing, as well.

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Whiteheron

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2019, 09:26:55 PM »
Oh my yes!
stbx would do this all the time. I always attributed it to boredom. He had to create some kind of chaos to distract himself from his thoughts. This time of year was the absolute worst - he would get two weeks off of work and be home with the kids and I. He was just awful.
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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11JB68

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2019, 12:45:05 AM »
With my uOCPDh I believe that normally his tunnel vision/obsession with work keeps his focus off of me and ds. When he stops working suddenly he focuses on us, often in a negative way unfortunately.

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Samuel S.

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2019, 02:04:30 AM »
My PDw has to put on a smiley face and deal with customers, managers, and bosses. So, when she gets off work, instead of taking out her pent-up anger with exercising, she takes it out on me. It is totally unfair to do this to us nonPDs! All I suggest you do is to move out of the location of your PD, if at all possible.

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Cascade

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2019, 05:41:05 PM »
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It kind of ties into the whole holiday thing, as well.
Yes, holidays can be bad too, especially birthdays for some reason.
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This time of year was the absolute worst - he would get two weeks off of work and be home with the kids and I. He was just awful.
I bet that really put a damper on the Christmas season! My husband usually takes one week off at Christmas.
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When he stops working suddenly he focuses on us, often in a negative way unfortunately.
Yes, that may be what happens with my husband, because the evening before he goes back to work his mood improves.

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SeaBreeze

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2019, 09:28:01 PM »
Same at my house. I think it's due to a few things. Boredom; inability to maintain the mask more than a few hours; more opportunities for him to get triggered by "wrong" behavior from myself or the kids (particularly holidays which are themselves one huge trigger). Mine also tends to drink if he's off work, which also doesn't help.

Hang in there, and may your holidays be medium chilled. ☺️

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11JB68

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #7 on: December 24, 2019, 12:34:31 AM »
I love that: "may your holidays be medium chilled" ☺

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Pepin

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #8 on: December 24, 2019, 12:55:34 AM »
My DH also seems to get angry during the weekends...or short tempered and I believe it is because he feels stretched.  Rather than being able to unwind and stay at home with us, he inevitably has to deal with PDMil and her to do list.  That means driving over to her place and dealing with her...and this usually has to take a few hours.  This has been going on for years.  YEARS.  I hate weekends because it means an interruption to our family time.  I now don't bother DH with anything anymore during the weekend until he has seen his mother.
Why work so hard to have a relationship with someone that does not care the same way as you?

No PD is going to tell me what to do.

Born into a dysfunctional family and married into a dysfunctional family.

People who don't bring joy, let them go.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2019, 01:39:30 AM »
Someone with narcissistic traits thrives on narcissitic supply. 

Very likely, he is getting his N supply at work.  When separated from it, he is edgy like an addict needing a fix.

Thebsad part of this is that the family and those who do the most for an Narcisstic person are quite often not the primary source at some point and later become devalued.

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Whiteheron

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2019, 03:56:48 PM »
Very interesting, 1foot. I never thought of it as some type of withdrawal. I always assumed he was just missing the distraction, but now that you mention it - he would go out of his way to do stuff on vacations or breaks, then be on the phone loudly telling people how hard he was working and got all this stuff done. It was all about supply. Which he definitely wasn't getting at home with me and the kids. Interesting...
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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maymay22

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #11 on: January 02, 2020, 06:17:35 PM »
Yep! My NPDH will be super nice & sweet all week but it seems like on Fridays his switch flips and he is a different person.  I used to think it was alcohol that would do it since he tends to drink on the weekends but it seems like with or without Alcohol, he starts in on me on Friday. And if for some reason it doesn't happen Friday, it will happen Saturday.  Exhausting.

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Frances29

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #12 on: January 03, 2020, 05:47:07 PM »
Oh my yes!
stbx would do this all the time. I always attributed it to boredom. He had to create some kind of chaos to distract himself from his thoughts. This time of year was the absolute worst - he would get two weeks off of work and be home with the kids and I. He was just awful.

Same, my DH worked half day December 16th came home at 3 pm and announced he was talking until January 6th off work.  I can't say he gets an N supply at work because he works in a virtual office with no co-workers, he WOULD work at home but after 15 + years of his lay offs, and 'work from home gigs' I simply WILL NOT ALLOW HIM to sit in my house all day..

So, he announces he is taking 3 weeks off, I said to do what, did you plan a vacation for you and the younger 2 (older DD was coming home from college).  DH goes into a man'trum, "saying DON'T WORRY I WILL BE OUT OF YOUR HAIR."  He thinks he goes to 'work' to get out of my hair, he doesn't understand he would be even more penniless without his low paying job..

Without a trip planned or any day activities planned, DH quite literally sat on a couch for hours and hours and hours per day looking at his iPhone during his 2 weeks off.  DH moaning his bored...

My kids would say, Dad can we go to the "NFL game" close by, he would say nah might rain, costs too much money; kids say Dad can you take us day skiing, DH says Nah, might rain, bad weather conditions...and on and on and on. 

I still had to work, (I work from home); and I refuse to engage in his pity parties any longer, so I made him a 'honey do' list every day like a butler or a nanny, take 13 year old here, then drop the 8 year old here; then take this one to karate..etc...On New Years Eve day, the 13 year old had an outdoor skate playdate where there had to be a parent and DH was out in the freezing cold for 4 hours by a rink...then came home had another man'trum, accused me of 'ruining his 2 weeks off' and that he'd had it and was going back to work (Thursday, the 2nd).  I said, Listen, most MEN DO NOT take nearly 3 weeks OFF NOT TO DO ANYTHING or GO ANYWHERE.. DH does this I want to say 3 x every .single. year; in March, August and December will take 2 weeks off - to do nothing.  He has a low stress, low paying job, he doesn't need to unwind from anything...

DH has no hobbies, no money, dead end job, pushing 50 in debt up to his eyeballs (again)...so needless to say, it's been GREAT without him hovering around the last two days...but alas, here comes the weekend again...more whining, more sulking...more 'he's bored' talk..to make matters worse over the past holiday, I had to emergency have a 'female' procedure done and 5 days after the procedure he starts asking for s*x saying he's sick and tired of my female problems ... and I was like omg...he never stops...I do thank God I have my own bedroom (and have for 10 years due to his heavy drinking, snoring, sleep apnea and obesity) and can escape his nonsense...

They will do anything for attention; so what I do is refuse to give him any...At 49 years old, I have my own health and 3 children to deal with...and am about run out of everything for the H..I worry about being 60 in 10 1/2 years .. and more of the same...its really on my mind lately...

Cascade; You are not alone..trust me...
« Last Edit: January 03, 2020, 06:01:42 PM by Frances29 »

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Cascade

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #13 on: January 09, 2020, 12:20:50 AM »
Frances, my husband was off on till that the 6th too, with no plans, and he sits on the couch for most of the day, so I can relate. My husband works at home so he's home even when he's working but it's still better to have him working even though he comes out of his office a lot. Today I was thinking I should count just how many times he comes out of his office in a day, for no good reason.  It's good your husband works away from home.

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Frances29

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #14 on: January 12, 2020, 11:44:30 AM »
Frances, my husband was off on till that the 6th too, with no plans, and he sits on the couch for most of the day, so I can relate. My husband works at home so he's home even when he's working but it's still better to have him working even though he comes out of his office a lot. Today I was thinking I should count just how many times he comes out of his office in a day, for no good reason.  It's good your husband works away from home.

My H has spent most of the last 15 years 'working from home' aka sitting on a couch, barely paid and/or laid off for YEARS...trust me I get it...I now force him to rent a virtual office to get out of my house or he would still be 'working from home.'  He's in part time sales; and rents a virtual office for $35/week; he has no 'real office' no boss, no co workers, just him in a rented cubicle.  H decided that for the no stress, no deadlines, no pressure, no boss, the very low pay was worth it to him, thus I have been forced to cover mortgage, taxes, school for the children, he says he cannot afford to contribute much besides a couple of utility bills and we are lucky his job provides medical ins.  But, he won't find a full time/real job..will. not.  I know its time for him to go...and I am very very close to getting him out...my two boys will be devastated, but he's such a moping whiny lazy bad influence, if they turned out like him, it would be my fault...
« Last Edit: January 12, 2020, 11:59:43 AM by Frances29 »

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badknees1

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #15 on: January 26, 2020, 02:59:36 AM »
Weekends are hell. BPD wife will ask if this Friday is my Friday off...if it is she is happy....then I will do or say something or not do or or say something that will trigger criticism, resentment, verbal attacks, and staying in her room for the whole weekend...expecting her prince (me) to grovel and rescue her to a better life. On Mondays my co workers all talk about how productive or restful or fun thier weekend was..me.. I just shrug and lean into the work week towards another weekend. Why do they pick weekends. Aaaaagh

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Cascade

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #16 on: January 27, 2020, 06:23:57 PM »
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On Mondays my co workers all talk about how productive or restful or fun their weekend was..

Yes, because there is an expectation that everyone enjoys their weekends while I wait for Mondays.


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Pepin

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #17 on: January 27, 2020, 06:59:11 PM »
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On Mondays my co workers all talk about how productive or restful or fun their weekend was..

Yes, because there is an expectation that everyone enjoys their weekends while I wait for Mondays.

Monday's are my most relaxing day.  I love Monday.
Why work so hard to have a relationship with someone that does not care the same way as you?

No PD is going to tell me what to do.

Born into a dysfunctional family and married into a dysfunctional family.

People who don't bring joy, let them go.

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20yrsofcrazy

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #18 on: January 27, 2020, 11:11:54 PM »
I dread anytime my udpdh is off work for weekend, holiday,  or vacation.  I'm on high alert and the littlest thing can cause a major outburst.   I can't wait for Mondays. 

I can't explain it but I can totally relate. 

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GettingOOTF

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Re: Angry on weekends
« Reply #19 on: January 27, 2020, 11:33:54 PM »
I think they get angry on weekends and holidays because they feel trapped and forced to do things they don’t want. Who knows what they do at work during the week. I found out my ex cheated for most of the marriage. I realized that the reason he was so angry when he had to spend time home over the weekend etc. was that I was around and he didn’t have the freedom to be doing what he usually did - texting, meeting up with women etc.

In my case it was slightly different as he “worked from home” while I went in to the office. This was the time he spent with porn, drinking and pursuing other women.

I love my weekends now, they are so peaceful and filled with things I love doing. Come Monday I have tons of things to talk about instead of dreading when people asked how my weekend was.