Wondering if this is the last straw before going NC...

[completelyperdue]

Hello Everyone,

I have not been on here for a while since things have been okay for a bit with my uNPD mom, but today just happened to be one of those days where I am starting to think I need to go NC with her if not VLC.
My dad passed away about three years ago, and I have stepped down my contact with my mom to MC/grey rock since her NPD tendencies have been becoming more pronounced as time has passed.
She started dating someone about six months to a year from my dad's passing. In a nutshell, this dude is claiming to be some documentary filmmaker even though I cannot find any information about him. You can read more about it in my original post here: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=71600.0 Basically, I have told her that since I cannot find any information about said dude and his claims that I do not want to be around him.
Since my post, she has made a lot of outrageous claims about him. One of these claims being that his identity was stolen, that all of his information was wiped from the internet and he has to create a new identity to prevent a former business partner from stealing his identity again.  I know this is total BS since I have had co-workers who had their identities stolen, and none of them had to go through that extent to recover their identity. In addition to this, I know that your information cannot be wiped from the internet entirely.
I decided that since my mom was not going to give me the information about this guy I wanted that I was going to hire a private investigator. It was a bit expensive, but I found out that dude definitely is not the name my mom has given to me, nor has not had any history of being a documentary filmmaker, and he is riding around in a car that is not his and storing another car with my uNPD mom that is not his as well. 
After the PI found this information out, he was concerned about my mom getting arrested for the car that is in her garage. I totally agreed, but he needed additional retainer money to confront my mom with his findings. I wanted to be totally left out of it since she probably would have flipped out on me that I hired a PI to investigate Mr. Wonderful.
I was going to pull the trigger and have the PI confront my mom this week, but then I got into a conversation with my uNPD mom about Christmas and how Mr. Wonderful was going to be there. I said that I still did not feel comfortable meeting him since I did not have any additional information on him.
This led into an argument about Mr. Wonderful. She claimed he's a nice man, met all of his friends, family, former co-workers, my eGrandmother likes him, they're getting serious, etc.  I asked her to give me a name of a documentary he has done so I could look it up. She couldn't name one even though she has been with him nearly two years. 
I asked then to give me his real name so I could look it up. She said she was not going to give it to me since I would look it up and use the information I would find against him. 
In my mind, I was like," YOU F#&$&&#ING KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME AND HAVEN'T TOLD MY SISTER AND I THE TRUTH?!"
I decided to counter and say," So he does have a criminal record?" She then said that she looked it up on some background checking website, but she couldn't give me the name of the website and would not again give me the real name of this dude. I decided to lay my cards on the table and say that I just am looking for additional information, and until I am provided with said information, that I will not be meeting Mr. Wonderful.
She said that she was going to try and gather some information for me, but I sincerely doubt I will see anything. 
In the end, she was more concerned about me finding about who this guy really is, what his record really is and me potentially using it against him instead of telling me the truth about who this guy is and why I should accept him as her boyfriend. 
At this point, there is a lot of disappointment and disgust since she has been lying to my sister and I this whole time about this guy. There is a lot of me that is just angry that a mother would be willing to lie to her children like that. At the same time, she has quite the long record of putting herself and her needs first before my sister and I, and she is more than willing to lie or do other things in order to do that.  I also recognize that she has a PD and she is more than willing to go to whatever extent is necessary to keep her little fantasy world afloat with Mr. Wonderful. I'm just at that borderline that I think NC or at the very least VLC is necessary since I really can no longer trust her or her actions.
I don't know if anyone has experienced this point before where it is just that last little thing that makes you pull the plug and be done with it.
Anyways...Just came here for some support and somewhere to go where I know I will find some understanding.
Thanks for reading.

[treesgrowslowly]

It sounds like something that would be the last straw for me. Ive been NC for over 10 years and I don't miss the lying at all.

What I do miss, are things that my uNPDm never provided reliably. Like the truth and respect and comfort and love.

The decisions they make are so hurtful to us, and your desire to protect yourself from her lies makes a lot of sense.

[completelyperdue]

@treesgrowsslowly - Thanks for your kind words. For right now, I have placed a pretty firm boundary about this guy and that I don't have any intentions of meeting him.

I'm in the same boat as you that I miss what a mother I should have had instead of the one I ended up with. It's times like this I have to keep reminding myself that I am my own mother now, and I don't have to tolerate this crap if I don't want to.

I keep thinking that the next thing like this will tip me over into NC, and the next thing happens I still don't do it. Not sure when I'll do it, but I know for sure that this cannot continue to be a constant in my life any longer.

[Lillith65]

What I do miss, are things that my uNPDm never provided reliably. Like the truth and respect and comfort and love.

I hope that you don't mind, but I may use this as my signature.