Feeling empowered, not hopeful

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Zuul

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Feeling empowered, not hopeful
« on: December 27, 2019, 03:45:42 PM »
Just a brag on myself for holding it together today!

BG: my former landlady & upstairs neighbor is unPD (does have bipolar diagnosis). We used to be close, so long as I was at her beckon call, willing to take care of her, run errands, keep her entertained(she is my mothers age, lives alone, estranged from family--red flag city) Things changed when I got pregnant--she started acting oddly (screaming accusations at me, pacing across the porch & peeking in my windows, leaving confusing notes on my door and calling my mom if my car wasn't at the house) and she ended up evicting me. She then sued me for "damages" again because her 1st damages claim was dismissed at the eviction trial.

Today was the hearing. I went in feeling prepared and didn't look at her once. I stayed on message and cited the facts and the law as quickly as I could with the Magistrate rushing me. I kept my tone calm and think I sounded professional and composed. I'm suuuper pregnant and was really worried I'd get emotional and waiver, but I didnt!
Meanwhile, the unPD-ex Landlady shot back with a lot of hyperbole, emotional responses, and sounded agitated. At one point I objected to remind the judge that he had already dismissed some of these claims, and all of her "damages" were fabrications I could prove with my evidence. She sounded really angry right then and started getting more abstract in her testimony ("Zuul has been hostile to me and wouldnt answer phone calls, and smashed up my ornaments but then cleaned them up when I went upstairs and she could only do that if she was watching me..." I honestly felt bad for her, she wasn't making sense). At one point she admitted that she doesn't know Landlord/Tenant law that I cited, and at another point she started talking about a fake plumbing matter and the Magistrate said "I used to be a plumber" (so hopefully he could sense the B.S.)
I don't know which way the ruling will go, but I know that I held my own and didn't get reactive when she was assaulting my character and making up lies about me. I stayed calm and didn't resort to lies or character assassinations. Hopefully that counts for something with the magistrate.

My witnesses weren't allowed in and he didn't review any of my evidence, but they said unPD ex Landlady looked really upset when she left, big old scowl on her face and rushed outta there.


I just wanted to write about this so people know they don't need to be scared to face their PD person. I was a wreck of nerves, but I stood up in court, just like I stood up for myself to her before. I know they usually "win"/get the last word/wear you down until you walk away with your losses, but today was a small victory for my self confidence. The Magistrate may dismiss it and she'll likely appeal, but if no appeal then I'm happy to walk away at this point with my dignity intact and showing myself that I won't rollover for a bully anymore.

Sad side observation: I feel incredibly sorry for her still. I don't know if she actually believes her statements and lies, or if she just feels so unabashedly entitled that she is willing to throw anything out there to see what sticks. Is she aware/concious, is it totally second-nature,  or is it a bit of both? (Ex. Claiming that plumbing bills from her personal address were somehow caused by me or my responsibility)



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Bloomie

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Re: Feeling empowered, not hopeful
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2019, 11:34:53 PM »
Hi there and welcome. What a difficult time you have had with this former neighbor. I admire the compassion you can hold for her in spite of the conflict and stress and legal shenanigans she has brought into your life. I am just so sorry.

Your sharing your dignified and efficient stance in facing down her false accusations is a great encouragement! Thank you for sharing this with us as a victorious moment of believing in yourself and taking a strong stand for yourself. BRAVO!!

Here is hoping that this hearing will be the last of it!
"If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow." Dr. Caroline Leaf

Bloomie 🌸

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Latchkey

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Re: Feeling empowered, not hopeful
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2019, 12:35:19 AM »
Hi Zuul,
Welcome to the forum. So glad you stood up for yourself. Take good care of yourself and the little one on the way and let us know how things turn out. It sounds like a very crazy situation.

 :bighug:
Latchkey
Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.
-Mother Jones
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There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
-Maya Angelou
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When we have the courage to do what we need to do, we unleash mighty forces that come to our aid.

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Zuul

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Re: Feeling empowered, not hopeful
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2019, 12:39:07 AM »
Hi there and welcome. What a difficult time you have had with this former neighbor. I admire the compassion you can hold for her in spite of the conflict and stress and legal shenanigans she has brought into your life. I am just so sorry.

Your sharing your dignified and efficient stance in facing down her false accusations is a great encouragement! Thank you for sharing this with us as a victorious moment of believing in yourself and taking a strong stand for yourself. BRAVO!!

Here is hoping that this hearing will be the last of it!

Thanks Bloomie! I needed today--after so many depressing defeats, this was a victory for my dignity and self confidence. I know the best thing to do is walk away (and hopefully, the judge will just dismiss the case and there will be no appeals). I know PD people can be unrelenting in trying to punish the people who they target, and this probably isn't over, but for today, I can relax and feel proud of myself. For today, I don't need to dwell on unfair the negative, and it's helped me to feel compassion.
Deep down, I know this rage was never about me, but about her own misery. I think about how it must feel to be constantly plotting, angry, feeling entitled and deeply alone--thats a personal Hell I never wanna know. I'm so grateful we got evicted because we wound up buying a house, and this baby will be born any day now. All that drama was clearing me out for something better.