Rhetorical questions

[11JB68]

Updh does this thing....sometimes, in an argument, it seems almost like he's trying to use Socratic questioning.
But then I was thinking sometimes it's more like a rhetorical question, but one He wants you to try to answer...and often involves mind reading.
Mostly he wants me to tell him how something makes him feel. He knows, but he wants to know that I know.
It's a catch22 since I may not give the correct answer, then he gets annoyed. It puts me in a double bind.
I looked up definitions for rhetorical questions and sure enough it says that they are used to control the audience!

[notrightinthehead]

and how do you respond? Sounds like a question that is best answered with another question 'So you want me to tell you how this makes you feel?' Why? Don't you know? Do you think I can read your mind?  He will probably get annoyed. However, as this kind of question is probably just a prelude to getting annoyed - the outcome will be the same. 

[11JB68]

Well yesterday I said I don't know and his response was that's not an acceptable answer!

[NumbLotus]

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with rhetorical questions.

The problem is that normal people can accept that you have thoughts and feelings of your own and that you are not responsible for their thoughts and feelings.

He is using every tool at his disposal to control you. And when you "malfunction" (I put that in quotes because it's a good thing ) he gets angry.

"I don't know" IS an acceptable answer.

[moglow]

Yep - mother is a master. She'll ask a question to which she's already formed an answer, based on real or imaginary information to which I have no access. The question could go back years, decades even, often to some situation I know nothing about and can only guess at best. Then I'm sneered at, demeaned or flat out insulted based on my response.
Answering a question with your own really is a great option. Doubtful you'll get more information but at least it's a start to lance whatever is eating at him. It shows you're listening and gives him an opening. He's already decided the outcome, remember.

[Lauren17]

MIL likes  this approach with impossible to answer questions. I haven't had a lot of luck with "why do you ask?"
Instead, I like to stick with neutral answers. "I haven't really considered that, what do you think?"

[Fortuna]

With my mom it's a double bind question. It doesn't matter what the answer is. The latest instance involved her telling a story about how everyone else just BEGGED their kids to come for Christmas. The question was Why didn't I do that?
There were several answers. Not a one of them would end well. (Because we don't have a relationship where I would beg to be with you. Because I'm trying to survive this holiday season. Because I don't beg like a dog. Isn't a bit dysfunctional to beg someone for anything anyway? A sarcastic begging rant where I say oh please please please come for Christmas so you can criticize everything and be a pile of poop in the punch bowl of life! Because I thought my invitation to come would be enough.) For her it's not so much rhetorical as it is impossible to answer. The only answer I've found to those times is no response like it never happened.  Ninja that question. She is spoiling for a fight when she does that. No response just stalls the whole possibility of a fight out and gives her no supply.

[11JB68]

Fortuna, yes double bind! Updh did this to me today. Asked me what he said last night in response to something, of course I couldn't remember, but he pushed, then my answer was wrong.