The reluctance to set boundaries

[Maisey]

In another thread I had posted, NumbLotus mentioned keeping mum about something so MIL would not be set off. I wanted to post about that and not hijack the thread.

I broke NC with MIL to tighten boundaries, after seeking professional counsel. H would have dodged the issue,  citing potential disastrous behavior from MIL in a public situation that would have been upsetting to our FOC. So, I sought  counsel to help guide my  handling of the situation, and it helped me narrow down what to say and do, and to keep myself from being led off track by MIL's attempt to twist the situation back on me.

MIL's response to me was blistering and really gave me pause in  my preplanned short script. I just froze and felt a panic and it took me a moment to be able to think straight. But I did think, and ran thru my script in my mind, and realized I had done all I needed to do, that was the time for me to  disconnect the call.

Will there be blowback, I am sure of it. Is someone out there getting the brunt of that rage? Certainly. Will it blow up publicly? Possibly. I am confident I did the right thing, and delivered it  correctly.

So much BS has been taken for fear of MIL's rage, and someone is to blame for that rage, and it's not going to be MIL.  Its so twisted, and yet we have been avoiding boundaries for fear of being the person who caused the rage to happen. Not wanting to be that person, when that is the person we should actually be.

M.

[NumbLotus]

yet we have been avoiding boundaries for fear of being the person who caused the rage to happen

That is the fundamental heist they pull off, isn't it?

And people buy it. Including us.

Even when we know better, we still feel it.

It's crazy.

[Maisey]

Well, I am hoping to keep the nuclear meltdown at bay till after Christmas. The goal probably is to getting it going on for Christmas day fun.

M.

[nanotech]

yet we have been avoiding boundaries for fear of being the person who caused the rage to happen

That is the fundamental heist they pull off, isn't it?

And people buy it. Including us.

Even when we know better, we still feel it.

It's crazy.

This is such an important point. It's just happened to me. I laid the boundary beautifully politely, and suffered the huge rage by texting (my brothers weapon of choice).  When I didn't respond, he tried to enlist other family members against me, texting them and telling them I'd gone crazy.

I'm just not going to see or speak to UNPDBrother ever again, except at my dad's funeral, and I'll avoid looking at him as much as I can.
I'm not taking that. Not any more.

[Maisey]

Nanotech,

I have just about the same scenario going on here. Same diagnosis from someone who should be very familiar with crazy!

I know I am doing the right thing for myself. I have frequent moments that I am doubting myself, Then thinking I should have handled it better.

H is supportive in a wishy washy squishy manner.  I am trying not to be too disappointed that he isn't being my champion.

And Happy New to all!

M,