Did you ever get the Look?

tob-ler-one · January 15, 2020, 01:13:48 PM

When i was growing up and even into adulthood I would get the Look.

It wasn't just like a "Stop doing that if you don't want to be grounded" or "Just wait until you get home" kind of look. It was a proper how daaaaaaare you who do you think you are how daaaaaare you embarrass me kind of look. Like stone. I'll have it stuck in my head forever. I don't know if it was ever even warranted - I've never been a parent, so I don't know when there is and when there isn't a need for these kinds of things.

I know it's dumb but I still think about it from time to time.

Anyone else?

NumbLotus · January 15, 2020, 01:31:43 PM

Is it the difference between a "you did a bad thing" look and a "YOU are bad" look, perhaps?

tob-ler-one · January 15, 2020, 01:46:31 PM

Quote from: NumbLotus on January 15, 2020, 01:31:43 PM
Is it the difference between a "you did a bad thing" look and a "YOU are bad" look, perhaps?

Thanks for doing a better job of describing it.

For me, at least, I think it was sometimes a bit more "personal" than something I'd done.

Psuedonym · January 15, 2020, 01:57:00 PM

As they say in coding land, The Stare is a feature not a bug of Narcissism.

Google Narcissistic Stare and see how many results come up. Here's just one example: https://freedomfromnarcissisticandemotionalabuse.weebly.com/blog/narcissists-and-the-stare

tob-ler-one · January 15, 2020, 06:02:55 PM

Thanks for the help

11JB68 · January 15, 2020, 09:45:24 PM

Updh is a master of'the look'

StayWithMe · January 15, 2020, 10:43:09 PM

The stare or the glare. I wish I could perfect it because it really communicates a lot.

I was reading a piece from a UK prime minster's memoirs, McMillan, I think. anyway he was recounting a meeting with the Queen in which her husband made a surprise visit. McMillan noted that the Queen gave her husband such a look / stare / whatever that he quickly and quietly left and never again disturbed a meeting that he had with her.

Some people reminisce about the teachers they had that had that look. I guess someone who is close to you like a parent should not use it on their own children.

NumbLotus · January 15, 2020, 11:07:09 PM

I can't claim to know about this but the discussion triggered a memory. I'm not sure if it's the same thing or related or totally diferent.

My best friend as a teen had severe ptsd and diagnosed borderline, including the cutting (and she commited suicide at age 22).

When I first knew her, I was 13. She was sort of manic for a few months, in a fun way, though sometimes I accidentally triggered those baffling rages.

We went to boarding school. For Christmas break she went home to her abusive parents. (I did not yet understand this). When we came back to school I walked into her dorm room assuming she'd be excited to see me, like usual.

I can remember like it just happened, she turned around as I walked in, and the look on her face was like she punched me hard in the gut. I can't describe it. Maybe others know this look. I don't know how someone's facial expression can be so ... I don't know, violent? It was just her face, she didn't lunge at me or anything. It was like pure hatred.

I kind of squeaked out a "hi" and just left. I was terrified.

She was just my friend, not my mom. I don't know how anybody could handle that look from their mother.

Hazy111 · January 16, 2020, 11:15:43 AM

The shaming glare and the imminent attack . My sis does it . With the upturned corner lip exposing the canine tooth. Like a dog before it attacks. Primitive defence through non verbal communication favored by PDs.

Sweetbriar · February 03, 2020, 09:30:02 AM

Oh yes! I am not sure if this is the same, but I call it the Gollum look. (Lord of the Rings movies) When Gollum is caressing the ring and he sort of looks out of the side of his eye around him, fearing someone is going to snatch his precious. That is what my father does. It has the feel of evil and hatred and when I see it, I feel actually really afraid of him. I know that it preceded many bad things from my childhood.

doglady · February 03, 2020, 04:37:46 PM

Oh yes. Definitely. My mother employed what I referred to as the Death Stare. It was a beam of pure hatred, and when I was young, it used to make me quail and fear for my life without her having to say anything. I just understood it was her visual shorthand for the evil 'beast' she frequently said I was.

The last time she tried it (I'm in my 50s) was a couple of years ago. I asked her if she had sore eyes. I got a laugh out it. She didn't.

Fortuna · February 04, 2020, 02:10:37 PM

I wouldn't so much get a stare or glare so much as eyeroll, like she just couldn't believe how badly I/my daughter behaved and it's just so painful to be around. Usually whatever brought on the eyeroll is something so insignificant as to be unnoticeable to anyone else. The only time I got the stare was when she found my book "Will I ever be good enough? Daughters or narcissistic mothers" Then it looked like she was ready to do combat.