Xmas is over - new year new approach

[qcdlvl]

p123, just tell him he really needs adult diapers if he wants you to take him anywhere, and that if he needs that much help to walk a short distance he really should be in AL. Because you can't carry him with your bad back and he has such difficulty walking on his own. It's high time his lies and performances got used against him. Bring it up (both the adult diapers and the AL) he any time he asks you to take him out.

[p123]

OMG my parents were like this about electrics when I was a child and teenager!
We had one TV ( most people did then) but as a teen I could never stay up and watch a late film because I wasn't trusted to unplug the TV when I came to bed! 
I couldn't make toast or anything like that at night. My home was so regimented it was untrue. We had no Christmas lights- too dangerous, those things!
We visited once as young marrieds and we slept on the sofa bed downstairs. They'd actually gone to bed and left us  together (we were married now so this was new!)
We'd had a late night cuppa. Mum got up and shouted at us for leaving the kettle plug in. It was the catastrophising  that really stung.

'Nano! We could have all been burnt to the ground!'

In front of my new husband,  who just looked confused!
It occurs to me that if they had trusted me to pull out plugs when younger and let me do it when I was in my own and in charge, then I would been in the habit
As soon as I moved out, and lived as a student, it wasn't something I had copied. (It crept back up on me later, but that's another story) .
Read the book, 'Toxic  Parents' There's lots in there about narcissists, and how  safety fixations are a form of coercive control.

Interestingly,  when Goldenchild UNPDbrother came along and grew up, he was allowed to record on his VCR in his room  way way WAY into the early hours of the morning! That was FINE! I found this out and I was incredulous - after all of the preaching I got about plugs n sockets year upon year UPON YEAR.
It's not coming from a rational place.

Nano - I remember saying so "what about the fridge/freezer Dad" #confusion

I'll have to get that book!

[p123]

p123, just tell him he really needs adult diapers if he wants you to take him anywhere, and that if he needs that much help to walk a short distance he really should be in AL. Because you can't carry him with your bad back and he has such difficulty walking on his own. It's high time his lies and performances got used against him. Bring it up (both the adult diapers and the AL) he any time he asks you to take him out.

Yes hes banned from my car at the moment. Refuses to buy them - too expensive.

I know what will happen. He'll have an accident and then offer me £20 to get it cleaned up.....

[p123]

Well, Dad has a new approach it seems too....

EVERY SINGLE conversation goes like this now.

"Hi - how is everyone?" _ He NEVER asked before and now he does every single time. I think hes worked out he probably should ask to keep me onside.
"Hows your back?" - EVERY SINGLE TIME. There is no need to ask me 3 times a week. I know full well this is the initial question to ascertain that I'm fit to serve him.

Then I'll get 5 minutes about how many hours my brother has been working . I don't care. No idea why he does this?

Then 5 minutes about how ill he is. How bad his knees are etc? I know refuse to get drawn into discussions about medication. He currently takes half the dose of painkillers prescribed by his doctor (because "he doesnt want to get addicted") so it can't be that bad. Do what you want.

Then, eventually, it'll come around to visit at the weekend.
"What are you doing sunday?" (here we go!)
"I've got no food in the house, so I need someone to go to the shop for me" (I know full well he has got food and also know full well brother will there between now and sunday anyway)/.
"I really HOPE you can make it" (In other words, its an emergency and I'll be so disappointed and you'll be such a bad son if you don't)
"I know you're busy but if you could spare me 20 minutes" (Yeh you don't care really, and 20 minutes? It takes me over 30 minutes just to drive there!)

Usually then at the end of the conversation I'll say "Bye" and he'll repeat (just in case I didn't get it first time) "So HOPE you'll be here sunday!"

EVERY SINGLE TIME last few weeks. To be honest, makes me less inclined to visit. Its my wifes birthday Sunday, I'd rather not commit to be honest.
Its hard to explain, I would visit my Dad, I'd do his shopping too when I've got time. Its just this set in stone thing. I've GOT to visit come hell or high water......